Italian PM Giorgia Meloni is giving off major Philomena Cunk vibes.

THEATRE QUIZ: what show am I about to watch?

@mattleys.bsky.social @rogerquimbly.bsky.social I popped in but they said you were busy opening another outlet.

The war was finally over, to begin with.

@rogerquimbly.bsky.social @mattleys.bsky.social I see your fashion outlet is going well.

Although Matt, wow, your fingernails are on fleek.

Oh I’d love to know what you think!

THEATRE QUIZ; what show am I about to watch?

I have never been to a performance of it before so I’m not a great judge but I was transfixed.

Never let it be said I'm not first in with the hot takes. Bach's St John's Passion (1714) is breathtaking in its drama, its storytelling, its devastating - sometimes austere, sometimes sumptuous - beauty.

a cartoon of a penguin in a trophy with the word winner above it Alt: a cartoon of a penguin in a trophy with the word winner above it

You are correct, sir.

THEATRE QUIZ (sort of): what show am I about to see?

Adrian Chiles’s Cry for Help, a new weekly series exclusive to The Guardian.

'Why Must I Suffer With These Thoughts Alone?' by Adrian Chiles.

Is that finish line here in the room with us, Marco?

What oft was thought, but ne'er so well express'd.

He was. Played the shoe-factory-owning father at the beginning.

Closest yet.

THEATRE QUIZ: what show am I about to see?

This is how we got our first inkling that the Trump story will end with the phrase “before turning the weapon on himself”.

The United States of America is in serious discussions with A NEW, AND MORE REASONABLE, REGIME to end our Military Operations in Iran. Great progress has been made but, if for any reason a deal is not shortly reached, which it probably will be, and if the Hormuz Strait is not immediately “Open for Business,” we will conclude our lovely “stay” in Iran by blowing up and completely obliterating all of their Electric Generating Plants, Oil Wells and Kharg Island (and possibly all desalinization plants!), which we have purposefully not yet “touched.” This will be in retribution for our many soldiers, and others, that Iran has butchered and killed over the old Regime’s 47 year “Reign of Terror.” Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP

Donald J. Trump, 28 Feb: "To the great, proud people of Iran, I say tonight that the hour of your freedom is at hand"

Donald J. Trump, 30 March: To the great proud people of Iran, I am going to destroy your sources of clean drinking water and electricity.

Hey The Guardian, fixed your headline for you!

W-A-R-B-U-R-T-O-N-S: the thinking man's crumpet.

I can take all you've got.

Can't help it. Licking Daddy's Sauce off my lips makes me a happy boy.

Don't judge me but I love them covered in Daddy's Sauce.

I’ve been enjoying your hot cross buns, thanks lads.

There was once a headline about an escaped convict spotted near a school "RUNAWAY PERV PEEPED AT MY TOTS", which is a classic of the genre.