Commander Player Prepping For All-Green 4/20 Commander Pod Accidentally Grinds Their Bristlebud Farmer | Commander's Herald DENVER, Co. — Tragedy struck in the home of local Commander player Bogart “Bong” Waters today as his attempt to prepare for a yearly tradition with his friends went terribly awry. During preparations ...

"I was just, like, totally gone. I reached over to grab some buds to grind, but I wasn’t really paying attention, and I… kinda grabbed the wrong bud.” Putting his head in his hands, Waters lamented, “Maaaaan, what a bummer, I really liked that card.”

Leaked Konami Documents Reveal "The Heart of the Cards" To Be An Actual Human Heart | Commander's Herald Tokyo, Japan — Internal Konami documents recently leaked to us from an anonymous whistleblower reveal shocking news about the media company’s inner workings and future plans. They range from video gam...

Konami apparently had plans to release a life-sized plastic replica of the heart for $300 USD, to be packaged with a random assortment of card packs valued to be around $9.50 usd. Whether it conveyed magical powers was left vague in the fax.

Satire is so important

I approve this message

BREAKING: Following the American threat of an “Avignon Papacy,” Robert Kennedy has begun a Diet of Worms

Feds Are Outlawing Drag, So Let's Counterprogram with MTG Drag Content | Commander's Herald % The staff at The Herald tried to come up with Magic-related drag names as good as GiGi Wellplayed. We could not, but A- for effort

Following the absolutely stellar debut of GiGi Wellplayed on the Spell Slayers last month, the staff at The Herald has worked tirelessly, day and night and afternoon, to try and come up with a drag name as good as that.

Top image with Jerry saying, "You're crying because of Artemis II?" Bottom image with George saying, "The spirit of space travel got to me." Jerry then says, "Alright."

I always knew that commodity production existed to spite me personally.

Well now this is fucking awkward...

commandersherald.com/commanders-h...

a cartoon character with a computer monitor on his head and a nickelodeon logo on the ceiling Alt: Karen being iconic

There’s only one good AI…

I would too

OOPS! All Olivias: Hard Fronts with Olivia Gobert-Hicks YouTube video by Spell Slayers

Whoever pitched Oops! All Olivias deserves an award. Would have also won for family resemblance, but Jane’s in a different color… youtu.be/CRwbUfDIGL0?...

Joe’s Top 50 Songs

Here’s every version of Solsbury Hill on Spotify, is that helpful? open.spotify.com/playlist/2tk...

This is so damn stupid and funny

Wizards plz respond

OH FUCKING GODDAMNIT I DROPPED MY FUCKING DICE ALL OVER THE FUCKING GROUND | Commander's Herald Magic the gathering, like many “nerdy” hobbies can attract individuals who are more reserved in social situations, so it is incredible that so many MTG fans find themselves walking into game stores an...

" AHHHHH. AHHHHHHHHHH. AHHHHHHHHHH."

I still have nightmares about middle school algebra; when are those gonna stop

I genuinely 100% thought Discord was winning that episode.

Counterspell Remains in Chuck Schumer's Hand Uncast for 10th Consecutive Turn | Commander's Herald Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer is, according to an anonymous Senator with a pair of , currently holding a copy of in his hand, and yet is refusing to play it.  “He’s had it in his hand for the p...

“Unfortunately, in each of those cases, I did not have any open mana,” said Schumer, laying his elbow on the table to cover up his two untapped Islands, which had been gathering dust.

a man in a suit and tie stands at a podium with his hands in the air ALT: a man in a suit and tie stands at a podium with his hands in the air

Love my senator so much 😑😑😑

"Centrist" Pramikon Player Only Attacks Left | Commander's Herald HENDERSON, NV — The Wednesday Night Commanders games at Flash Bazbo Comics usually run without controversy. “Everyone here is pretty chill, rule zero discussions tend to go smoothly, no issues,” the s...

"He chose not to attack a Miriam Vehicles deck once because he ‘once saw a homeless guy pee on that Subway Train’. A Ziatora player got attacked into because ‘Unions are robbing our economy blind’."

Carmen Klomparens This Close To Recommending a Photo Printer | Commander's Herald (Disclaimer: Carmen Klomparens did not actually say any of these things. It’s obviously a joke. C’mon.) Renton, Washington — After Hasbro’s announcement of a multi-year deal with Warner Bros. Discover...

This publication and I by extension to not recommend the cool, cool crime of game piece bootlegging commandersherald.com/carmen-klomp...

Vengeful St. Patrick Banishes Snake Decks from Boston LGS | Commander's Herald St. Patrick's Day festivities took an unexpected turn, as players were treated to the accidental reanimation of the patron Saint of Ireland. Fun quickly turned to terror, as the cleric lived up to leg...

St. Patrick’s Day festivities at Murphy’s Game Corner took an unexpected turn for players this year, as they were treated to the sudden arrival of the patron Saint of Ireland.

Vengeful St. Patrick Banishes Snake Decks from Boston LGS | Commander's Herald St. Patrick's Day festivities took an unexpected turn, as players were treated to the accidental reanimation of the patron Saint of Ireland. Fun quickly turned to terror, as the cleric lived up to leg...

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Enjoy this stupid article. Sláinte ☘️🇮🇪🍻

commandersherald.com/vengeful-st-...

REPORT: MOHELA to Allow Magic Players to Take Out Student Loans for Strixhaven Cards | Commander's Herald Chesterfield, MO – Through a message sent to its leadership, it’s been revealed that the Higher Education Loan Authority of the State of Missouri, known as MOHELA, will begin lending money to people i...

Many Magic: The Gathering players are saying that they will take out these loans to get free cards regardless of where the expensive cards go.

THE STRIXHAVEN BACK-TO-SCHOOL GUIDE | Commander's Herald Compiled by Upperclassmen Who Are No Longer Allowed Near Orientation (You won’t listen. That’s fine. We didn’t either) BEFORE DAY 1 Read this now. Read it again when you hate everything. Read it a thi...

Read this now. Read it again when you hate everything. Read it a third time when you hate yourself.

Flipping Out with Gavin Verhey… In Drag? YouTube video by Spell Slayers

Gavin's in drag and everyone involved is lovely 😍 please go support Bosco and Irene!!!
youtu.be/IqmmTnwdLVI?...

this is basically the black lotus of posts

Kansas Prison Magic Scene To Receive Influx of Mythic Grinders | Commander's Herald As of last Thursday, February 26th, the Kansas state legislature has made a move expected to, among other things, place a very significant amount of skilled Magic: The Gathering players in Kansas coun...

“Because we, like all lawmakers, have absolutely no interest or incentive to work for the benefits of our constituents, we’ve got a lot of free time. We decided to use that to, for some reason, get really invested in the Magic meta in our county jails!”

a frog wearing a top hat is standing on a bed . ALT: a frog wearing a top hat is standing on a bed .

Better keep his hands off my man Michigan