that's all for today, #RevPit besties.
thank you for following along, and I hope this feedback is helpful! YA & MG #10Queries will be next! keep an eye out over the next few days for an update on those.
💛✨😊
10: A/F
QL: Missing a bio paragraph! Bios should be last in your query and offer a glimpse of who you are and (more importantly) why YOU are the one to tell this story.
FP: More formatting issues - double check guidelines! Need more to clarify the MCs goal and move plot forward.
#10Queries #RevPit
9: A/F
QL: Extremely high WC for a debut seeking rep (keep ~100k even for A/F). MC sounds cool, but don't know her age. Also don't understand the motivations / journey mapped out in QL.
FP: This setting is rich and vivid. Gorgeous descriptions - I'm immediately immersed!
#10Queries #RevPit
8: A/F
QL & FP: Mechanics matter! Many sentences improperly structured & impedes meaning; pls proof your QL. MCs also feel more YA than A, and their personal goals / motivations feel a bit shapeless. The setting and MC voice are vivid, and I love the intended themes mentioned!
#10Queries #RevPit
7: A/F
QL: Such good Asian rep this year! But conflicts & MC choices don't clearly align - sequence of events in QL don't make sense.
FP: Love that we get right to a conflict for our MC to engage with, but the writing style is hard to follow. Not feeling grounded in the scene.
#10Queries #RevPit
6: A/F
QL: Synopsis is wordy; got lost in the minor details. Show off your voice, but focus MOST on clarifying the bones (GMC).
FP: another one with starting point issues - if the FP only show the MC moving towards the first plot pt, skip it & start w/ moment of engagement.
#10Queries #RevPit
5: A/SF
QL: Don't forget the 'why' of the comp titles you're using! A shared setting, trope, aspect of prose, etc.
FP: I question the starting point of this one. These pages build character and background w/o much of anything actually happening.
#10Queries #RevPit
4: A/F
QL & FP: the FP starting point skips a whole paragraph of QL synopsis, so that tells me the QL can omit those details too. Backstory can always be woven in throughout an MS, but that doesn't mean all those details need to be in the query.
#10Queries #RevPit
3: A/F
QL: Query structure indicates possible dual POV? Make that clear in the housekeeping section of the letter.
FP: the thing I love most about these pages is that the author does a beautiful job immediately dropping us into the MC's head, conflict, and world w/o info-dumping
#10Queries #RevPit
2: A/F
QL: Too much thematic description (this is not a letter to explain why your book will appeal to readers - let your pitch speak for itself)
FP: Formatting matters. Stick to industry standard always. Prose is lovely but pacing and voice feel more YA than Adult.
#10Queries #RevPit
1: A/F
QL: strong premise, but too much detail (esp when a conflict is both introduced and resolved within the synopsis paragraphs) - simplify!
FP: very strong opening. MC voice is clear, but I craved more - feels like a starting point issue. Is this the BEST place to begin?
#10Queries #RevPit
A: adult
F: fantasy
SF: sci-fi/spec
QL: query letter
FP: first pages
MC: main character
POV: point of view
GMCS: goal, motivation, conflict, stakes
WC: word count
**you're all amazing & writing a book is a huge achievement. my #10Queries are NOT hype posts; they serve to help you improve / grow 💛
surprise #RevPit besties!! 🤗
here early with my first #10Queries thread. a few notes:
-this thread will feature ONLY Adult sub feedback (YA & MG coming v soon I promise)
-feedback is vague & constructive, meant for all
-I'll pin this thread to my profile
let's start with some lingo:
#RevPit Is there a way to opt out of #10Queries? I don't even know if I'll be or have been selected, but I really don't want to be... #RevPitWaiting
We've reached the end of my first #10Queries session. I'll have another batch for you later this week. I hope some of this was helpful, and now I'm going back to reading your wonderful manuscripts!
#RevPit #RevPitWaiting
P10 MG Fantasy
Really good prose but the scene moves too fast. There are some nice visual descriptions but it needs more sensory details and the MC's emotions feel surface level, not enough to let the reader in.
#10Queries #RevPit #RevPitWaiting
Q10 MG Fantasy
Most of the query is strong. The important worldbuilding piece connects to the main conflict of the story. The stakes don't quite work. The choices the MC faces don't feel mutually exclusive enough for me to get invested.
#10Queries #RevPit #RevPitWaiting
P9 A Fantasy
The action and dialogue are entertaining and show a lot of character, but it's surrounded by a lot of telling. Much of the info can be saved for later and makes it hard to focus on the in-scene conflict.
#10Queries #RevPit #RevPitWaiting
Q9 A Fantasy
There are good pieces here. The two MC's situations and motivations are clear, but there seems to be a missing worldbuilding piece that would tie everything together. At the moment, I can't quite grasp the story conflict.
#10Queries #RevPit #RevPitWaiting
P8 A Historical
The conflict is good but the execution is rushed. There's no indication at the MC's reason for doing what they're doing and emotions are rushed through. Slowing down will help with emotion and let the worldbuilding info come through more naturally.
#10Queries #RevPit #RevPitWaiting
Q8 A Historical
The conflict is clear but there's a disconnect. I don't understand how the MC has the ability to deal with the story conflict which makes it hard to fully invest.
#10Queries #RevPit #RevPitWaiting
P7 A Historical
Really good scene. Even though it was done in a storyteller style instead of mor immersive, it feels nature and emotional. However, the scene goes far past the emotional impact which breaks the tension.
#10Queries #RevPit #RevPitWaiting
Q7 A historical
A good start to the query. The MC's motivation and Inciting Incident are clear, but I don't get an idea of the story conflict, what actually happens in the story.
#10Queries #RevPit #RevPitWaiting
P6 A Fantasy
I really like the imagery the pages start with. It sets up tension really well. But then it loses momentum bc I can't feel what the MC does. There's external description but no internal sensation.
#10Queries #RevPit #RevPitWaiting
Q6 A Fantasy
Really good query. The MC's motivation is clear and there's a lot at stake. However, it's unclear what actions the MC needs to take to deal with the story conflict.
#10Queries #RevPit #RevPitWaiting
P5 A Fantasy
Starts with a great hook but turns into a lot of telling. When the action finally starts I'm not sure what's going on and it doesn't match what came before.
#10Queries #RevPit #RevPitWaiting
Q5 A fantasy
Query needs some rearranging. The jump between different elements is jarring and the MC's motivation comes way too late to have an impact. There are so many stakes that it gets overwhelming.
#10Queries #RevPit #RevPitWaiting
P4 YA Sci Fi
The prose is really good and polished. The MC has a specific goal that caught my attention. But it's hard to fully immerse because the language used is very niche-specific. A hard balance between unique details and allowing space for the reader.
#10Queries #RevPit #RevPitWaiting
Q4 YA Sci Fi
This reads more like a synopsis than a query. It's a difficult balance knowing when to use specifics and when to summarize. If cutting a detail doesn't impact understanding, it doesn't need to be there.
#10Queries #RevPit #RevPitWaiting
P3 MG Fantasy
These pages have some good action/dialogue but it's very rushed. Several scenes occur in a short page span that it's hard to fully immerse as a reader or feel the MC's emotions.
#10Queries #RevPit #RevPitWaiting
