Night fell like a llama dance party in an abandoned ball bearing factory twenty minutes after the 50,000 cubic foot storage container ruptured. Possibly a metaphor for certain current events…
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#BadNoir
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Morning arrived like a bushel basket full of angry hedgehogs delivered to you in bed—so pointy, much squeak! Why are on face?
#BadNoir
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Morning arrived like a library school’s maledictorian: I put a curse on thee and thy foul bibliographical progeny unto the ten-thousandth printing…
#BadNoir
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Night fell like a soufflé after watching 3.25 milliseconds of American news in 2026. Fucker makes a crepe look like the Stay Puffed marshmallow man.
#BadNoir
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Morning arrived like a cat on your bladder—heavy, unexpected, full of sharp points, and deeply offended that you aren’t happy to see it.
#BadNoir
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Morning arrived like a bushel basket full of angry hedgehogs delivered to you in bed—so pointy, much squeak! Why are on face?
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#BadNoir
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Night fell like the slow dissolution of a brain held together by orange gelatin and sheer ego.
#BadNoir
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Night fell like a bucket of clams trying to line dance.
#BadNoir
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Morning arrived like a library school’s maledictorian: I put a curse on thee and thy foul bibliographical progeny unto the ten-thousandth printing…
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#BadNoir
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Night fell like a soufflé after watching 3.25 milliseconds of American news in 2026. Fucker makes a crepe look like the Stay Puffed marshmallow man.
#BadNoir
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Morning arrived like a bunch of indecisive water falling from the sky: Should I be rain? Or is it more of a sleet day? Does this snow make me look fluffy? Because I hate that! Ooh, maybe I could freeze on contact instead of on the way down? I just can't decide!
#BadNoir
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Night fell like an aging empire in brand new six inch stilettos after three days of binge drinking its own propaganda.
#BadNoir
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Morning arrived like a cat on your bladder—heavy, unexpected, full of sharp points, and deeply offended that you aren’t happy to see it.
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#BadNoir
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Night fell like the slow dissolution of a brain held together by orange gelatin and sheer ego.
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#BadNoir
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Night fell like a bucket of clams trying to line dance.
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#BadNoir
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Morning arrived like the vague feeling that you’re late for a meeting with…DESTINY! That’s right you missed the worst possible meeting of your entire life, you have been elected Chair of Adulting in perpetuity. Whee!
#BadNoir
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Morning arrived like a bunch of indecisive water falling from the sky: Should I be rain? Or is it more of a sleet day? Does this snow make me look fluffy? Because I hate that! Ooh, maybe I could freeze on contact instead of on the way down? I just can't decide!
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#BadNoir
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Morning arrived like a bunch of indecisive water falling from the sky: Should I be rain? Or is more of a sleet day? Does this snow make me look fluffy? Because I hate that! Ooh, maybe I could freeze on contact instead of one the way down? I just can't decide!
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#BadNoir
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Morning arrived like the lesser known sequel to a hit video game: Mortal Wombat, in which you control one of three drunken marsupials in a canoe with the goal of reaching shore in a process that might best be described as Brownian motion with beer goggles.
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Night fell like gas prices in the face of mass adoption of electric cars and…what’s that? Ooooh, ouch. Sorry, wrong timeline. This is the bad one. Apologies and condolences, folks, going back to the one where the solar panels stayed on the White House. Cheers!
#BadNoir
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Morning arrived like a rabbit with a pocket watch set to the wrong time zone—late, as usual. You'd think with four lucky feet… SIGH
#BadNoir
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Night fell like a foreshadowing of that whole Ozymandias thing, which is about, like sunset on empires…and, you know, enormous round orange thing drops out of the sky (see also our sun of York) and leaves darkness behind, or is too on the nose?
#BadNoir
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Morning arrived like the vague feeling that you’re late for a meeting with…DESTINY! That’s right you missed the worst possible meeting of your entire life, you have been elected Chair of Adulting in perpetuity. Whee!
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#BadNoir
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Morning arrived like a rabbit with a pocket watch set to the wrong time zone—late, as usual. You'd think with four lucky feet… SIGH
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#BadNoir
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Morning arrived like a dime store dictator still in the blister pack. How do I open this thing? You do not! Not ever! Not under any circumstances! Whoops. *shuffles away to the tune of Yakity Sax played at dirge speed*
#BadNoir
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Night fell like gas prices in the face of mass adoption of electric cars and…what’s that? Ooooh, ouch. Sorry, wrong timeline. This is the bad one. Apologies and condolences, folks, going back to the one where the solar panels stayed on the White House. Cheers!
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#BadNoir
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Night fell like a foreshadowing of that whole Ozymandias thing, which is about, like sunset on empires…and, you know, enormous round orange thing drops out of the sky (see also our sun of York) and leaves darkness behind, or is too on the nose?
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#BadNoir
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Morning arrived like three rats performing a one man Hamlet—overstressed, out of their depth, and far beyond their vocabulary or understanding, but they’re out stalking the stage and claiming even Shakespeare himself would be proud. It’s a rough window in time and I regret the tickets.
#BadNoir
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Morning arrived like a dime store dictator still in the blister pack. How do I open this thing? You do not! Not ever! Not under any circumstances! Whoops. *shuffles away to the tune of Yakity Sax played at dirge speed*
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#BadNoir
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Night fell like a herd of drama llamas jousting each other on pogo sticks at a hockey rink—basically it’s a metaphor for the current administration, but carefully veiled.
#BadNoir
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