Today was Harry's 1st primary school sports day...

#DadLyf

4yo daughter

"Dadda, humans can only live to 100"

Me - "some live longer"

"Yeah but if they do they get a sore tummy"

Fair enough.

#DadLyf

I spend 15mins picking peas out of my 4yo daughters stir-fry.

Once returned to her, she then requested I remove every grain of rice.

FFS. #DadLyf

Me telling the ticket guy my daughters' are 3.5yo and 2.5yo to get out of paying for the 4yo.

My daughter - "I AM NOT 3, I AM 4 DADA"

FFS.

#dadlyf

Me to my 2yo.

How does a cow go?

- Moo

A dog?

- woof woof

A cat?

- meow

A chicken?

- cluck cluck

A donkey?

- eeee awww

A pig?

- oink oink

A duck?

- on the water

Fair enough.

#DadLyf

Playgrounds with hammocks are where it's at.

#DadLyf

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When you see a fellow parent give your kid a gift that includes lots of small pieces.

#DadLyf

So, when do toddlers stop wanting to <turns on caps lock> KEEP EVERY FUCKING PIECE OF ART THEY PRODUCE?

Every time I open the door to the fridge (which is often), about 5 pieces of paper fling onto the floor, along with the overworked magnets.

#DadLyf

My daughter's kinder sent every kid home with an empty box, each filled with pencil shavings. It was under the banner of "art".

There was no warning about the pencil shavings, as they cascaded over my freshly hovered floors.

Kinder the day before recycling collection day is wild.

#DadLyf

Morning.

#DadLyf #coffee

Me, on a day off with my 4yo.

What do you want to do? Go to a movie? Head to the zoo? The aquarium? Mini golf? Check out a museum?

Her - "no dadda, I just want to ride my bike in the park".

Easy, job done. Chip off the old block.

#DadLyf

On the face of it, a craft afternoon with the toddlers seems relaxing enough, but fuck me dead, two different containers of beads have fallen off the table and are rolling in all directions, some of them reaching rooms I didn't even know existed in this house.

#DadLyf

10pm-2:30am - 3yo up.

2:30-3:00am - lovely sleep

3:00am-5:00am - 1yo up.

5:00-6:00am - lovely sleep.

6:00-onwards - hook up to the coffee intravenous drip for the next 14 hours.

#dadlyf

Kid - rice bubbles please

Me - here you go

Kid - can I have a little more me milk, enough to make each rice bubble damp enough that it will stick to the floor when I drop them and require you to have to get a scraper out to pry them off the floor?

Me - yeah no worries

#DadLyf

"Dadda, can I have more milk on my cereal"

<Pours a little bit> "More Dadda"
<Pours a little bit more> "More Dadda"
<Pours just a little bit more> "More Dadda"
<Pours just a little bit more on top> "More Dadda"
<Pour a smidge more, nothing too drastic> "Too much"

(flies into a rage)

#DadLyf

Made an elaborate little lasagna for the toddlers tonight.

Now I am paraphrasing here, but this was pretty much the response I got:

"Fuck off dadda and go get some some rice bubbles ya prick"

#DadLyf

FFS melted chocolate handprints everywhere.

#EasterGrinch #DadLyf

Had 8h48m of sleep last night.

My average for the last 12 months is 6h27m.

So this is utopia.

#DadLyf

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Waking up after a night of having your hair pulled by a toddler.

#DadLyf

#dadlyf

Watching 2001 A space Odyssey with the 4yo. He’s surprisingly into it. #dadLyf