Major9 Unveils Massive Update for Outerplane Featuring New Character Elyse #Japan #Tokyo #OUTERPLANE #Major9 #Elyse
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4 months ago
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Who Is Commentating on the Billie Jean King Cup Playoffs Match: Iga Swiatek vs Elyse Tse on Tennis Channel International? #Iga Swiatek #Elyse Tse
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10 months ago
Elyse Rogers discusses Dance Hall Crashers “Lost Again”
Podcast Episode · Chris DeMakes A Podcast · 05/29/2025 · 1h 7m
One week ahead of our first show in 20 years, #Elyse goes over #lostagain with @lessthanchrisd on the @chrisdemakesapodcast … go check it out!
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/c...
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11 months ago
Travel nightmares leave frustrated Canadian permanent residents in debt | CBC News
From missed work to mounting debt, permanent residents say being stranded abroad without their Canadian identification has left lasting scars.
#ElyseSkura is a #reporter based in #Ottawa. Since joining CBC News, she's worked in #Iqaluit, #Edmonton & #ThunderBay.
#Elyse spent 4 years reporting from #Tokyo, where she also worked as a consulting #producer for #NHK #🌎 #🇯🇵.
You can reach her at elyse.skura@cbc.ca
www.cbc.ca/news/canada/...
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"Once again, Billy has managed to surprise me." - JONATHAN GOLDSTEIN, Elyse, Heavyweight #Heavyweight #Elyse #NationalBillyDay #JonathanGoldstein
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant
<p><img alt="Elyse Watches The Bachelor with Kraken Rum and Coke" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-55930" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" fetchpriority="high" height="251" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=150%2C125&ssl=1 150w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=100%2C84&ssl=1 100w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=250%2C209&ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?w=595&ssl=1 595w" width="300"/>We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all.</p>
<p>I remember back in the early days of <em>The Bachelor</em> when the The Bachelor had some kind of career or was like an actual prince of something, and wasn’t just someone recycled through the weird social media/influencer microcosm that this franchise has become.</p>
<p>Anyway, my recap partner for this season is Muzzy.</p>
<p>AKA Muzzarina Louise April Princess Scrembalina Dainty Toes.</p>
<p><img alt="A black cat with a white snoot rests on a lap with one paw extended toward the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140336 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="600" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Muzzy-Lou-rotated-e1738509497220.jpeg?resize=450%2C600&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy originally came from a hoarding situation and wasn’t doing fantastic in our shelter environment. She stuck to the highest level of the cat tree and hid from everyone, except for when she appeared to bitch slap rambunctious kittens. She loved my husband, though, and would climb into his arms whenever he was there.</p>
<p>So we brought her home to see how she would do and much to our surprise after 24 hours she’d perfectly acclimated to our house. She wasn’t hiding, she was playing and exploring, and she gets so excited when she gets chicken that she gets what we call “chicken zoomies.” She doesn’t meow; she squeaks and meeps. She’s also the smallest of our cats at not quite 7lbs, but hands down the bravest. She growls at plumbers and bathroom remodelers and then demands to be involved in whatever they’re doing while the boys hide under the bed.</p>
<p>Also surprisingly, she fell in love with our incredibly dumb cat Fisher.</p>
<p>Fisher has two braincells competing for third place and both are coming in fourth.</p>
<p>Muzzy loves him.</p>
<p>He doesn’t understand what’s going on but snuggles and grooms her anyway. They eat out of the same bowl, they walk with their tails entwined, and we now call Fish “Big Dumb Boyfriend” because that’s exactly what he is.</p>
<p><img alt="A white and brown tabby and a black cat sit on top of a cat tree together. They are almost stacked on top of each other, " class="aligncenter wp-image-140337 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="605" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Big-Dumb-Boyfriend-e1738509726108.jpeg?resize=450%2C605&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>So now that you’ve met Muzzy, it’s time to get started.</p>
<p>This season’s Bachelor is Grant who is thirty and from Houston, TX. I know he was on <em>The Bachelorette</em> but I’ve forgotten everything about him already.</p>
<p><img alt="Grant poses in front of the McMansion. He has medium brown skin and is wearing a black shit and tie with a white pocket square. His hands are folded in front of him and he's smiling at the camera. He has a very nice smile." class="aligncenter wp-image-140338 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="450" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/the-bachelor-grant-ellis-week-1-e1738510252453.jpg?resize=450%2C450&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Grant talks about his parents failed marriage (his dad was an addict and his mom threw herself into work to cope) and how they really didn’t have a “normal” family dynamic. For example, they never ate meals together. He gets really emotional when he talks about getting married and having that traditional family he’s always dreamed of and for a horrible moment I wonder if he’s actually buying into this.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>Eep</em>.</p>
<p>The parade of limos starts and none of it is memorable.</p>
<p>We meet Dina who is from a big Romanian family in Chicago. She’s an attorney, and Grant seems pretty dazzled by her right away.</p>
<p>J’Nae seems confused by the fact that there are a lot of women there competing for the same guy and…girl, have you not seen this show before?</p>
<p>One contestant was going to compete for Miss Dominican Republic and instead decided to come on the show.</p>
<p>Muzzy: Big Dumb Boyfriends are important…but not <em>that</em> important.</p>
<p>Then Alexe comes up the recently hosed down driveway leading a “No Drama Llama.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><img alt="Alexe and the No Drama Llama. The llama is white and brown and on a brown leather lead, while Alexe is wearing a brown off the shoulder gown with gold sparkles" class="aligncenter wp-image-140339 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="253" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/lama-e1738511119935.webp?resize=450%2C253&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>One of the other contestants asks if you can ride a llama and …</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Click for me</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="David from Schitt's Creek is appalled" class="aligncenter wp-image-140340 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="400" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/confused.gif?resize=400%2C400&ssl=1" width="400"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Muzzy: That llama looks <em>delicious</em>.</p>
<p>The llama’s name is Linda, BTW and we’re all Team Linda now.</p>
<p>Also, there’s a hilarious<a href="https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/llamageddon" rel="noopener" target="_blank"> student film called <em>Llamageddon</em></a> that I think might still be free on Amazon Prime and I totally recommend watching it and laughing till you have to pee.</p>
<p><span class="YvIURL"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="340" loading="lazy" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lXBLv71E3bw?feature=oembed" title="Llamageddon - Final Trailer Premiere" width="604"></iframe></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Natalie was spit on by a llama once and wants nothing to do with Linda, so obviously they’re going to have to go on a two-on-one date in the near future.</p>
<p>Sarafiena shows up with a six foot cutout of Grant’s head.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>HISSSSS</em></p>
<p>Once the group is assembled on the drinking couches, Grant asks them what love means to them, and it’s apparent that the women are drunk-panicking because they didn’t think there would be a quiz.</p>
<p>The first kiss of the night goes to Allyshia.</p>
<p>Linda is APPALLED.</p>
<p>Juliana gets the next kiss.</p>
<p><img alt="Juliana and Grant kiss he has his hand on her face and his lips pursed while she touches his cheek
away from the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140341 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="239" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/kiss-e1738513087198.webp?resize=450%2C239&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy: JUSTICE FOR LINDA!</p>
<p>Then a limo pulls up and we get BIG DRAMATIC SCARY MUSIC.</p>
<p>Out steps Grant’s sister, but all the contestants are freaking out thinking it’s his ex.</p>
<p>One of the women says she walked out “vagina first” and I’m having a hard time picturing how that would work.</p>
<p>She shows the women embarrassing childhood photos of Grant. Somewhere Linda is just clearing off that buffet while no one is watching.</p>
<p>Muzzy: You eat those meatballs, girl.</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Linda</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="a llama gives side eye" class="aligncenter wp-image-140342 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="330" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/llama-mirada.gif?resize=370%2C330&ssl=1" width="370"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Then we get MORE dramatic music and it’s time for the first impression rose.</p>
<p>Jesse reveals that the person who gets the first impression rose will also be going on the first one-on-one date.</p>
<p>Muzzy: TEAM LINDA.</p>
<p>The first impression room goes to Alexe because I guess you can give the rose to the person who brought the llama, but not the llama herself.</p>
<p>BUMMER.</p>
<p>Muzzy: I’m writing a letter to ABC.</p>
<p>Alexe says she can’t feel her legs. THAT’S A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, ALEXE.</p>
<p>Then we cut straight to the Dreaded Rose Ceremony.</p>
<p>Christina, J’Nae, Kelsey, Kyleigh, Neicey, Radhika and Savannah go home.</p>
<p>That’s it. Are you watching? Or are you reading the recaps with me and Muzzy?</p>
<p><em>Bonus question: What are the names you call your pets? Like, all of the names?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<div class="likebtn_container" style="text-align:right;"><!-- LikeBtn.com BEGIN --><span class="likebtn-wrapper" data-dislike_enabled="false" data-engine="WordPress" data-event_handler="likebtn_eh" data-icon_dislike_show="false" data-identifier="post_140335" data-item_date="2025-02-03T15:17:01-05:00" data-item_image="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?fit=595%2C497&ssl=1" data-item_title="Elyse Watches The Bachelor--S29 E1: Grant" data-item_url="https://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2025/02/elyse-watches-the-bachelor-s29-e1-grant/" data-plugin_v="2.6.55" data-popup_disabled="true" data-prx="https://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php?action=likebtn_prx" data-rich_snippet="true" data-show_copyright="" data-site_id="673e470efa8fdf5b0716721f" data-style="" data-theme="review" data-unlike_allowed="" data-white_label="true"></span><!-- LikeBtn.com END --></div>
Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all....
smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2025/02/elyse-watches-th...
#Elyse #Watches #The #Bachelor #& #The #Bachelorette
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant
<p><img alt="Elyse Watches The Bachelor with Kraken Rum and Coke" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-55930" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" fetchpriority="high" height="251" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=150%2C125&ssl=1 150w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=100%2C84&ssl=1 100w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=250%2C209&ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?w=595&ssl=1 595w" width="300"/>We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all.</p>
<p>I remember back in the early days of <em>The Bachelor</em> when the The Bachelor had some kind of career or was like an actual prince of something, and wasn’t just someone recycled through the weird social media/influencer microcosm that this franchise has become.</p>
<p>Anyway, my recap partner for this season is Muzzy.</p>
<p>AKA Muzzarina Louise April Princess Scrembalina Dainty Toes.</p>
<p><img alt="A black cat with a white snoot rests on a lap with one paw extended toward the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140336 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="600" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Muzzy-Lou-rotated-e1738509497220.jpeg?resize=450%2C600&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy originally came from a hoarding situation and wasn’t doing fantastic in our shelter environment. She stuck to the highest level of the cat tree and hid from everyone, except for when she appeared to bitch slap rambunctious kittens. She loved my husband, though, and would climb into his arms whenever he was there.</p>
<p>So we brought her home to see how she would do and much to our surprise after 24 hours she’d perfectly acclimated to our house. She wasn’t hiding, she was playing and exploring, and she gets so excited when she gets chicken that she gets what we call “chicken zoomies.” She doesn’t meow; she squeaks and meeps. She’s also the smallest of our cats at not quite 7lbs, but hands down the bravest. She growls at plumbers and bathroom remodelers and then demands to be involved in whatever they’re doing while the boys hide under the bed.</p>
<p>Also surprisingly, she fell in love with our incredibly dumb cat Fisher.</p>
<p>Fisher has two braincells competing for third place and both are coming in fourth.</p>
<p>Muzzy loves him.</p>
<p>He doesn’t understand what’s going on but snuggles and grooms her anyway. They eat out of the same bowl, they walk with their tails entwined, and we now call Fish “Big Dumb Boyfriend” because that’s exactly what he is.</p>
<p><img alt="A white and brown tabby and a black cat sit on top of a cat tree together. They are almost stacked on top of each other, " class="aligncenter wp-image-140337 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="605" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Big-Dumb-Boyfriend-e1738509726108.jpeg?resize=450%2C605&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>So now that you’ve met Muzzy, it’s time to get started.</p>
<p>This season’s Bachelor is Grant who is thirty and from Houston, TX. I know he was on <em>The Bachelorette</em> but I’ve forgotten everything about him already.</p>
<p><img alt="Grant poses in front of the McMansion. He has medium brown skin and is wearing a black shit and tie with a white pocket square. His hands are folded in front of him and he's smiling at the camera. He has a very nice smile." class="aligncenter wp-image-140338 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="450" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/the-bachelor-grant-ellis-week-1-e1738510252453.jpg?resize=450%2C450&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Grant talks about his parents failed marriage (his dad was an addict and his mom threw herself into work to cope) and how they really didn’t have a “normal” family dynamic. For example, they never ate meals together. He gets really emotional when he talks about getting married and having that traditional family he’s always dreamed of and for a horrible moment I wonder if he’s actually buying into this.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>Eep</em>.</p>
<p>The parade of limos starts and none of it is memorable.</p>
<p>We meet Dina who is from a big Romanian family in Chicago. She’s an attorney, and Grant seems pretty dazzled by her right away.</p>
<p>J’Nae seems confused by the fact that there are a lot of women there competing for the same guy and…girl, have you not seen this show before?</p>
<p>One contestant was going to compete for Miss Dominican Republic and instead decided to come on the show.</p>
<p>Muzzy: Big Dumb Boyfriends are important…but not <em>that</em> important.</p>
<p>Then Alexe comes up the recently hosed down driveway leading a “No Drama Llama.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><img alt="Alexe and the No Drama Llama. The llama is white and brown and on a brown leather lead, while Alexe is wearing a brown off the shoulder gown with gold sparkles" class="aligncenter wp-image-140339 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="253" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/lama-e1738511119935.webp?resize=450%2C253&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>One of the other contestants asks if you can ride a llama and …</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Click for me</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="David from Schitt's Creek is appalled" class="aligncenter wp-image-140340 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="400" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/confused.gif?resize=400%2C400&ssl=1" width="400"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Muzzy: That llama looks <em>delicious</em>.</p>
<p>The llama’s name is Linda, BTW and we’re all Team Linda now.</p>
<p>Also, there’s a hilarious<a href="https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/llamageddon" rel="noopener" target="_blank"> student film called <em>Llamageddon</em></a> that I think might still be free on Amazon Prime and I totally recommend watching it and laughing till you have to pee.</p>
<p><span class="YvIURL"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="340" loading="lazy" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lXBLv71E3bw?feature=oembed" title="Llamageddon - Final Trailer Premiere" width="604"></iframe></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Natalie was spit on by a llama once and wants nothing to do with Linda, so obviously they’re going to have to go on a two-on-one date in the near future.</p>
<p>Sarafiena shows up with a six foot cutout of Grant’s head.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>HISSSSS</em></p>
<p>Once the group is assembled on the drinking couches, Grant asks them what love means to them, and it’s apparent that the women are drunk-panicking because they didn’t think there would be a quiz.</p>
<p>The first kiss of the night goes to Allyshia.</p>
<p>Linda is APPALLED.</p>
<p>Juliana gets the next kiss.</p>
<p><img alt="Juliana and Grant kiss he has his hand on her face and his lips pursed while she touches his cheek
away from the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140341 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="239" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/kiss-e1738513087198.webp?resize=450%2C239&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy: JUSTICE FOR LINDA!</p>
<p>Then a limo pulls up and we get BIG DRAMATIC SCARY MUSIC.</p>
<p>Out steps Grant’s sister, but all the contestants are freaking out thinking it’s his ex.</p>
<p>One of the women says she walked out “vagina first” and I’m having a hard time picturing how that would work.</p>
<p>She shows the women embarrassing childhood photos of Grant. Somewhere Linda is just clearing off that buffet while no one is watching.</p>
<p>Muzzy: You eat those meatballs, girl.</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Linda</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="a llama gives side eye" class="aligncenter wp-image-140342 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="330" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/llama-mirada.gif?resize=370%2C330&ssl=1" width="370"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Then we get MORE dramatic music and it’s time for the first impression rose.</p>
<p>Jesse reveals that the person who gets the first impression rose will also be going on the first one-on-one date.</p>
<p>Muzzy: TEAM LINDA.</p>
<p>The first impression room goes to Alexe because I guess you can give the rose to the person who brought the llama, but not the llama herself.</p>
<p>BUMMER.</p>
<p>Muzzy: I’m writing a letter to ABC.</p>
<p>Alexe says she can’t feel her legs. THAT’S A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, ALEXE.</p>
<p>Then we cut straight to the Dreaded Rose Ceremony.</p>
<p>Christina, J’Nae, Kelsey, Kyleigh, Neicey, Radhika and Savannah go home.</p>
<p>That’s it. Are you watching? Or are you reading the recaps with me and Muzzy?</p>
<p><em>Bonus question: What are the names you call your pets? Like, all of the names?</em></p>
<p> </p>
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all....
smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2025/02/elyse-watches-th...
#Elyse #Watches #The #Bachelor #& #The #Bachelorette
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0
Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant
<p><img alt="Elyse Watches The Bachelor with Kraken Rum and Coke" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-55930" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" fetchpriority="high" height="251" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=150%2C125&ssl=1 150w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=100%2C84&ssl=1 100w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=250%2C209&ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?w=595&ssl=1 595w" width="300"/>We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all.</p>
<p>I remember back in the early days of <em>The Bachelor</em> when the The Bachelor had some kind of career or was like an actual prince of something, and wasn’t just someone recycled through the weird social media/influencer microcosm that this franchise has become.</p>
<p>Anyway, my recap partner for this season is Muzzy.</p>
<p>AKA Muzzarina Louise April Princess Scrembalina Dainty Toes.</p>
<p><img alt="A black cat with a white snoot rests on a lap with one paw extended toward the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140336 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="600" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Muzzy-Lou-rotated-e1738509497220.jpeg?resize=450%2C600&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy originally came from a hoarding situation and wasn’t doing fantastic in our shelter environment. She stuck to the highest level of the cat tree and hid from everyone, except for when she appeared to bitch slap rambunctious kittens. She loved my husband, though, and would climb into his arms whenever he was there.</p>
<p>So we brought her home to see how she would do and much to our surprise after 24 hours she’d perfectly acclimated to our house. She wasn’t hiding, she was playing and exploring, and she gets so excited when she gets chicken that she gets what we call “chicken zoomies.” She doesn’t meow; she squeaks and meeps. She’s also the smallest of our cats at not quite 7lbs, but hands down the bravest. She growls at plumbers and bathroom remodelers and then demands to be involved in whatever they’re doing while the boys hide under the bed.</p>
<p>Also surprisingly, she fell in love with our incredibly dumb cat Fisher.</p>
<p>Fisher has two braincells competing for third place and both are coming in fourth.</p>
<p>Muzzy loves him.</p>
<p>He doesn’t understand what’s going on but snuggles and grooms her anyway. They eat out of the same bowl, they walk with their tails entwined, and we now call Fish “Big Dumb Boyfriend” because that’s exactly what he is.</p>
<p><img alt="A white and brown tabby and a black cat sit on top of a cat tree together. They are almost stacked on top of each other, " class="aligncenter wp-image-140337 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="605" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Big-Dumb-Boyfriend-e1738509726108.jpeg?resize=450%2C605&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>So now that you’ve met Muzzy, it’s time to get started.</p>
<p>This season’s Bachelor is Grant who is thirty and from Houston, TX. I know he was on <em>The Bachelorette</em> but I’ve forgotten everything about him already.</p>
<p><img alt="Grant poses in front of the McMansion. He has medium brown skin and is wearing a black shit and tie with a white pocket square. His hands are folded in front of him and he's smiling at the camera. He has a very nice smile." class="aligncenter wp-image-140338 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="450" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/the-bachelor-grant-ellis-week-1-e1738510252453.jpg?resize=450%2C450&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Grant talks about his parents failed marriage (his dad was an addict and his mom threw herself into work to cope) and how they really didn’t have a “normal” family dynamic. For example, they never ate meals together. He gets really emotional when he talks about getting married and having that traditional family he’s always dreamed of and for a horrible moment I wonder if he’s actually buying into this.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>Eep</em>.</p>
<p>The parade of limos starts and none of it is memorable.</p>
<p>We meet Dina who is from a big Romanian family in Chicago. She’s an attorney, and Grant seems pretty dazzled by her right away.</p>
<p>J’Nae seems confused by the fact that there are a lot of women there competing for the same guy and…girl, have you not seen this show before?</p>
<p>One contestant was going to compete for Miss Dominican Republic and instead decided to come on the show.</p>
<p>Muzzy: Big Dumb Boyfriends are important…but not <em>that</em> important.</p>
<p>Then Alexe comes up the recently hosed down driveway leading a “No Drama Llama.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><img alt="Alexe and the No Drama Llama. The llama is white and brown and on a brown leather lead, while Alexe is wearing a brown off the shoulder gown with gold sparkles" class="aligncenter wp-image-140339 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="253" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/lama-e1738511119935.webp?resize=450%2C253&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>One of the other contestants asks if you can ride a llama and …</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Click for me</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="David from Schitt's Creek is appalled" class="aligncenter wp-image-140340 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="400" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/confused.gif?resize=400%2C400&ssl=1" width="400"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Muzzy: That llama looks <em>delicious</em>.</p>
<p>The llama’s name is Linda, BTW and we’re all Team Linda now.</p>
<p>Also, there’s a hilarious<a href="https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/llamageddon" rel="noopener" target="_blank"> student film called <em>Llamageddon</em></a> that I think might still be free on Amazon Prime and I totally recommend watching it and laughing till you have to pee.</p>
<p><span class="YvIURL"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="340" loading="lazy" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lXBLv71E3bw?feature=oembed" title="Llamageddon - Final Trailer Premiere" width="604"></iframe></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Natalie was spit on by a llama once and wants nothing to do with Linda, so obviously they’re going to have to go on a two-on-one date in the near future.</p>
<p>Sarafiena shows up with a six foot cutout of Grant’s head.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>HISSSSS</em></p>
<p>Once the group is assembled on the drinking couches, Grant asks them what love means to them, and it’s apparent that the women are drunk-panicking because they didn’t think there would be a quiz.</p>
<p>The first kiss of the night goes to Allyshia.</p>
<p>Linda is APPALLED.</p>
<p>Juliana gets the next kiss.</p>
<p><img alt="Juliana and Grant kiss he has his hand on her face and his lips pursed while she touches his cheek
away from the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140341 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="239" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/kiss-e1738513087198.webp?resize=450%2C239&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy: JUSTICE FOR LINDA!</p>
<p>Then a limo pulls up and we get BIG DRAMATIC SCARY MUSIC.</p>
<p>Out steps Grant’s sister, but all the contestants are freaking out thinking it’s his ex.</p>
<p>One of the women says she walked out “vagina first” and I’m having a hard time picturing how that would work.</p>
<p>She shows the women embarrassing childhood photos of Grant. Somewhere Linda is just clearing off that buffet while no one is watching.</p>
<p>Muzzy: You eat those meatballs, girl.</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Linda</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="a llama gives side eye" class="aligncenter wp-image-140342 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="330" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/llama-mirada.gif?resize=370%2C330&ssl=1" width="370"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Then we get MORE dramatic music and it’s time for the first impression rose.</p>
<p>Jesse reveals that the person who gets the first impression rose will also be going on the first one-on-one date.</p>
<p>Muzzy: TEAM LINDA.</p>
<p>The first impression room goes to Alexe because I guess you can give the rose to the person who brought the llama, but not the llama herself.</p>
<p>BUMMER.</p>
<p>Muzzy: I’m writing a letter to ABC.</p>
<p>Alexe says she can’t feel her legs. THAT’S A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, ALEXE.</p>
<p>Then we cut straight to the Dreaded Rose Ceremony.</p>
<p>Christina, J’Nae, Kelsey, Kyleigh, Neicey, Radhika and Savannah go home.</p>
<p>That’s it. Are you watching? Or are you reading the recaps with me and Muzzy?</p>
<p><em>Bonus question: What are the names you call your pets? Like, all of the names?</em></p>
<p> </p>
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all....
smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2025/02/elyse-watches-th...
#Elyse #Watches #The #Bachelor #& #The #Bachelorette
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant
<p><img alt="Elyse Watches The Bachelor with Kraken Rum and Coke" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-55930" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" fetchpriority="high" height="251" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=150%2C125&ssl=1 150w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=100%2C84&ssl=1 100w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=250%2C209&ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?w=595&ssl=1 595w" width="300"/>We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all.</p>
<p>I remember back in the early days of <em>The Bachelor</em> when the The Bachelor had some kind of career or was like an actual prince of something, and wasn’t just someone recycled through the weird social media/influencer microcosm that this franchise has become.</p>
<p>Anyway, my recap partner for this season is Muzzy.</p>
<p>AKA Muzzarina Louise April Princess Scrembalina Dainty Toes.</p>
<p><img alt="A black cat with a white snoot rests on a lap with one paw extended toward the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140336 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="600" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Muzzy-Lou-rotated-e1738509497220.jpeg?resize=450%2C600&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy originally came from a hoarding situation and wasn’t doing fantastic in our shelter environment. She stuck to the highest level of the cat tree and hid from everyone, except for when she appeared to bitch slap rambunctious kittens. She loved my husband, though, and would climb into his arms whenever he was there.</p>
<p>So we brought her home to see how she would do and much to our surprise after 24 hours she’d perfectly acclimated to our house. She wasn’t hiding, she was playing and exploring, and she gets so excited when she gets chicken that she gets what we call “chicken zoomies.” She doesn’t meow; she squeaks and meeps. She’s also the smallest of our cats at not quite 7lbs, but hands down the bravest. She growls at plumbers and bathroom remodelers and then demands to be involved in whatever they’re doing while the boys hide under the bed.</p>
<p>Also surprisingly, she fell in love with our incredibly dumb cat Fisher.</p>
<p>Fisher has two braincells competing for third place and both are coming in fourth.</p>
<p>Muzzy loves him.</p>
<p>He doesn’t understand what’s going on but snuggles and grooms her anyway. They eat out of the same bowl, they walk with their tails entwined, and we now call Fish “Big Dumb Boyfriend” because that’s exactly what he is.</p>
<p><img alt="A white and brown tabby and a black cat sit on top of a cat tree together. They are almost stacked on top of each other, " class="aligncenter wp-image-140337 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="605" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Big-Dumb-Boyfriend-e1738509726108.jpeg?resize=450%2C605&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>So now that you’ve met Muzzy, it’s time to get started.</p>
<p>This season’s Bachelor is Grant who is thirty and from Houston, TX. I know he was on <em>The Bachelorette</em> but I’ve forgotten everything about him already.</p>
<p><img alt="Grant poses in front of the McMansion. He has medium brown skin and is wearing a black shit and tie with a white pocket square. His hands are folded in front of him and he's smiling at the camera. He has a very nice smile." class="aligncenter wp-image-140338 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="450" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/the-bachelor-grant-ellis-week-1-e1738510252453.jpg?resize=450%2C450&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Grant talks about his parents failed marriage (his dad was an addict and his mom threw herself into work to cope) and how they really didn’t have a “normal” family dynamic. For example, they never ate meals together. He gets really emotional when he talks about getting married and having that traditional family he’s always dreamed of and for a horrible moment I wonder if he’s actually buying into this.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>Eep</em>.</p>
<p>The parade of limos starts and none of it is memorable.</p>
<p>We meet Dina who is from a big Romanian family in Chicago. She’s an attorney, and Grant seems pretty dazzled by her right away.</p>
<p>J’Nae seems confused by the fact that there are a lot of women there competing for the same guy and…girl, have you not seen this show before?</p>
<p>One contestant was going to compete for Miss Dominican Republic and instead decided to come on the show.</p>
<p>Muzzy: Big Dumb Boyfriends are important…but not <em>that</em> important.</p>
<p>Then Alexe comes up the recently hosed down driveway leading a “No Drama Llama.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><img alt="Alexe and the No Drama Llama. The llama is white and brown and on a brown leather lead, while Alexe is wearing a brown off the shoulder gown with gold sparkles" class="aligncenter wp-image-140339 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="253" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/lama-e1738511119935.webp?resize=450%2C253&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>One of the other contestants asks if you can ride a llama and …</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Click for me</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="David from Schitt's Creek is appalled" class="aligncenter wp-image-140340 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="400" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/confused.gif?resize=400%2C400&ssl=1" width="400"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Muzzy: That llama looks <em>delicious</em>.</p>
<p>The llama’s name is Linda, BTW and we’re all Team Linda now.</p>
<p>Also, there’s a hilarious<a href="https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/llamageddon" rel="noopener" target="_blank"> student film called <em>Llamageddon</em></a> that I think might still be free on Amazon Prime and I totally recommend watching it and laughing till you have to pee.</p>
<p><span class="YvIURL"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="340" loading="lazy" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lXBLv71E3bw?feature=oembed" title="Llamageddon - Final Trailer Premiere" width="604"></iframe></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Natalie was spit on by a llama once and wants nothing to do with Linda, so obviously they’re going to have to go on a two-on-one date in the near future.</p>
<p>Sarafiena shows up with a six foot cutout of Grant’s head.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>HISSSSS</em></p>
<p>Once the group is assembled on the drinking couches, Grant asks them what love means to them, and it’s apparent that the women are drunk-panicking because they didn’t think there would be a quiz.</p>
<p>The first kiss of the night goes to Allyshia.</p>
<p>Linda is APPALLED.</p>
<p>Juliana gets the next kiss.</p>
<p><img alt="Juliana and Grant kiss he has his hand on her face and his lips pursed while she touches his cheek
away from the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140341 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="239" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/kiss-e1738513087198.webp?resize=450%2C239&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy: JUSTICE FOR LINDA!</p>
<p>Then a limo pulls up and we get BIG DRAMATIC SCARY MUSIC.</p>
<p>Out steps Grant’s sister, but all the contestants are freaking out thinking it’s his ex.</p>
<p>One of the women says she walked out “vagina first” and I’m having a hard time picturing how that would work.</p>
<p>She shows the women embarrassing childhood photos of Grant. Somewhere Linda is just clearing off that buffet while no one is watching.</p>
<p>Muzzy: You eat those meatballs, girl.</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Linda</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="a llama gives side eye" class="aligncenter wp-image-140342 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="330" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/llama-mirada.gif?resize=370%2C330&ssl=1" width="370"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Then we get MORE dramatic music and it’s time for the first impression rose.</p>
<p>Jesse reveals that the person who gets the first impression rose will also be going on the first one-on-one date.</p>
<p>Muzzy: TEAM LINDA.</p>
<p>The first impression room goes to Alexe because I guess you can give the rose to the person who brought the llama, but not the llama herself.</p>
<p>BUMMER.</p>
<p>Muzzy: I’m writing a letter to ABC.</p>
<p>Alexe says she can’t feel her legs. THAT’S A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, ALEXE.</p>
<p>Then we cut straight to the Dreaded Rose Ceremony.</p>
<p>Christina, J’Nae, Kelsey, Kyleigh, Neicey, Radhika and Savannah go home.</p>
<p>That’s it. Are you watching? Or are you reading the recaps with me and Muzzy?</p>
<p><em>Bonus question: What are the names you call your pets? Like, all of the names?</em></p>
<p> </p>
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all....
smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2025/02/elyse-watches-th...
#Elyse #Watches #The #Bachelor #& #The #Bachelorette
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant
<p><img alt="Elyse Watches The Bachelor with Kraken Rum and Coke" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-55930" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" fetchpriority="high" height="251" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=150%2C125&ssl=1 150w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=100%2C84&ssl=1 100w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=250%2C209&ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?w=595&ssl=1 595w" width="300"/>We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all.</p>
<p>I remember back in the early days of <em>The Bachelor</em> when the The Bachelor had some kind of career or was like an actual prince of something, and wasn’t just someone recycled through the weird social media/influencer microcosm that this franchise has become.</p>
<p>Anyway, my recap partner for this season is Muzzy.</p>
<p>AKA Muzzarina Louise April Princess Scrembalina Dainty Toes.</p>
<p><img alt="A black cat with a white snoot rests on a lap with one paw extended toward the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140336 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="600" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Muzzy-Lou-rotated-e1738509497220.jpeg?resize=450%2C600&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy originally came from a hoarding situation and wasn’t doing fantastic in our shelter environment. She stuck to the highest level of the cat tree and hid from everyone, except for when she appeared to bitch slap rambunctious kittens. She loved my husband, though, and would climb into his arms whenever he was there.</p>
<p>So we brought her home to see how she would do and much to our surprise after 24 hours she’d perfectly acclimated to our house. She wasn’t hiding, she was playing and exploring, and she gets so excited when she gets chicken that she gets what we call “chicken zoomies.” She doesn’t meow; she squeaks and meeps. She’s also the smallest of our cats at not quite 7lbs, but hands down the bravest. She growls at plumbers and bathroom remodelers and then demands to be involved in whatever they’re doing while the boys hide under the bed.</p>
<p>Also surprisingly, she fell in love with our incredibly dumb cat Fisher.</p>
<p>Fisher has two braincells competing for third place and both are coming in fourth.</p>
<p>Muzzy loves him.</p>
<p>He doesn’t understand what’s going on but snuggles and grooms her anyway. They eat out of the same bowl, they walk with their tails entwined, and we now call Fish “Big Dumb Boyfriend” because that’s exactly what he is.</p>
<p><img alt="A white and brown tabby and a black cat sit on top of a cat tree together. They are almost stacked on top of each other, " class="aligncenter wp-image-140337 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="605" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Big-Dumb-Boyfriend-e1738509726108.jpeg?resize=450%2C605&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>So now that you’ve met Muzzy, it’s time to get started.</p>
<p>This season’s Bachelor is Grant who is thirty and from Houston, TX. I know he was on <em>The Bachelorette</em> but I’ve forgotten everything about him already.</p>
<p><img alt="Grant poses in front of the McMansion. He has medium brown skin and is wearing a black shit and tie with a white pocket square. His hands are folded in front of him and he's smiling at the camera. He has a very nice smile." class="aligncenter wp-image-140338 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="450" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/the-bachelor-grant-ellis-week-1-e1738510252453.jpg?resize=450%2C450&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Grant talks about his parents failed marriage (his dad was an addict and his mom threw herself into work to cope) and how they really didn’t have a “normal” family dynamic. For example, they never ate meals together. He gets really emotional when he talks about getting married and having that traditional family he’s always dreamed of and for a horrible moment I wonder if he’s actually buying into this.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>Eep</em>.</p>
<p>The parade of limos starts and none of it is memorable.</p>
<p>We meet Dina who is from a big Romanian family in Chicago. She’s an attorney, and Grant seems pretty dazzled by her right away.</p>
<p>J’Nae seems confused by the fact that there are a lot of women there competing for the same guy and…girl, have you not seen this show before?</p>
<p>One contestant was going to compete for Miss Dominican Republic and instead decided to come on the show.</p>
<p>Muzzy: Big Dumb Boyfriends are important…but not <em>that</em> important.</p>
<p>Then Alexe comes up the recently hosed down driveway leading a “No Drama Llama.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><img alt="Alexe and the No Drama Llama. The llama is white and brown and on a brown leather lead, while Alexe is wearing a brown off the shoulder gown with gold sparkles" class="aligncenter wp-image-140339 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="253" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/lama-e1738511119935.webp?resize=450%2C253&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>One of the other contestants asks if you can ride a llama and …</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Click for me</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="David from Schitt's Creek is appalled" class="aligncenter wp-image-140340 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="400" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/confused.gif?resize=400%2C400&ssl=1" width="400"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Muzzy: That llama looks <em>delicious</em>.</p>
<p>The llama’s name is Linda, BTW and we’re all Team Linda now.</p>
<p>Also, there’s a hilarious<a href="https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/llamageddon" rel="noopener" target="_blank"> student film called <em>Llamageddon</em></a> that I think might still be free on Amazon Prime and I totally recommend watching it and laughing till you have to pee.</p>
<p><span class="YvIURL"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="340" loading="lazy" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lXBLv71E3bw?feature=oembed" title="Llamageddon - Final Trailer Premiere" width="604"></iframe></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Natalie was spit on by a llama once and wants nothing to do with Linda, so obviously they’re going to have to go on a two-on-one date in the near future.</p>
<p>Sarafiena shows up with a six foot cutout of Grant’s head.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>HISSSSS</em></p>
<p>Once the group is assembled on the drinking couches, Grant asks them what love means to them, and it’s apparent that the women are drunk-panicking because they didn’t think there would be a quiz.</p>
<p>The first kiss of the night goes to Allyshia.</p>
<p>Linda is APPALLED.</p>
<p>Juliana gets the next kiss.</p>
<p><img alt="Juliana and Grant kiss he has his hand on her face and his lips pursed while she touches his cheek
away from the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140341 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="239" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/kiss-e1738513087198.webp?resize=450%2C239&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy: JUSTICE FOR LINDA!</p>
<p>Then a limo pulls up and we get BIG DRAMATIC SCARY MUSIC.</p>
<p>Out steps Grant’s sister, but all the contestants are freaking out thinking it’s his ex.</p>
<p>One of the women says she walked out “vagina first” and I’m having a hard time picturing how that would work.</p>
<p>She shows the women embarrassing childhood photos of Grant. Somewhere Linda is just clearing off that buffet while no one is watching.</p>
<p>Muzzy: You eat those meatballs, girl.</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Linda</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="a llama gives side eye" class="aligncenter wp-image-140342 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="330" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/llama-mirada.gif?resize=370%2C330&ssl=1" width="370"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Then we get MORE dramatic music and it’s time for the first impression rose.</p>
<p>Jesse reveals that the person who gets the first impression rose will also be going on the first one-on-one date.</p>
<p>Muzzy: TEAM LINDA.</p>
<p>The first impression room goes to Alexe because I guess you can give the rose to the person who brought the llama, but not the llama herself.</p>
<p>BUMMER.</p>
<p>Muzzy: I’m writing a letter to ABC.</p>
<p>Alexe says she can’t feel her legs. THAT’S A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, ALEXE.</p>
<p>Then we cut straight to the Dreaded Rose Ceremony.</p>
<p>Christina, J’Nae, Kelsey, Kyleigh, Neicey, Radhika and Savannah go home.</p>
<p>That’s it. Are you watching? Or are you reading the recaps with me and Muzzy?</p>
<p><em>Bonus question: What are the names you call your pets? Like, all of the names?</em></p>
<p> </p>
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all....
smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2025/02/elyse-watches-th...
#Elyse #Watches #The #Bachelor #& #The #Bachelorette
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant
<p><img alt="Elyse Watches The Bachelor with Kraken Rum and Coke" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-55930" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" fetchpriority="high" height="251" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=150%2C125&ssl=1 150w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=100%2C84&ssl=1 100w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=250%2C209&ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?w=595&ssl=1 595w" width="300"/>We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all.</p>
<p>I remember back in the early days of <em>The Bachelor</em> when the The Bachelor had some kind of career or was like an actual prince of something, and wasn’t just someone recycled through the weird social media/influencer microcosm that this franchise has become.</p>
<p>Anyway, my recap partner for this season is Muzzy.</p>
<p>AKA Muzzarina Louise April Princess Scrembalina Dainty Toes.</p>
<p><img alt="A black cat with a white snoot rests on a lap with one paw extended toward the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140336 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="600" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Muzzy-Lou-rotated-e1738509497220.jpeg?resize=450%2C600&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy originally came from a hoarding situation and wasn’t doing fantastic in our shelter environment. She stuck to the highest level of the cat tree and hid from everyone, except for when she appeared to bitch slap rambunctious kittens. She loved my husband, though, and would climb into his arms whenever he was there.</p>
<p>So we brought her home to see how she would do and much to our surprise after 24 hours she’d perfectly acclimated to our house. She wasn’t hiding, she was playing and exploring, and she gets so excited when she gets chicken that she gets what we call “chicken zoomies.” She doesn’t meow; she squeaks and meeps. She’s also the smallest of our cats at not quite 7lbs, but hands down the bravest. She growls at plumbers and bathroom remodelers and then demands to be involved in whatever they’re doing while the boys hide under the bed.</p>
<p>Also surprisingly, she fell in love with our incredibly dumb cat Fisher.</p>
<p>Fisher has two braincells competing for third place and both are coming in fourth.</p>
<p>Muzzy loves him.</p>
<p>He doesn’t understand what’s going on but snuggles and grooms her anyway. They eat out of the same bowl, they walk with their tails entwined, and we now call Fish “Big Dumb Boyfriend” because that’s exactly what he is.</p>
<p><img alt="A white and brown tabby and a black cat sit on top of a cat tree together. They are almost stacked on top of each other, " class="aligncenter wp-image-140337 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="605" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Big-Dumb-Boyfriend-e1738509726108.jpeg?resize=450%2C605&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>So now that you’ve met Muzzy, it’s time to get started.</p>
<p>This season’s Bachelor is Grant who is thirty and from Houston, TX. I know he was on <em>The Bachelorette</em> but I’ve forgotten everything about him already.</p>
<p><img alt="Grant poses in front of the McMansion. He has medium brown skin and is wearing a black shit and tie with a white pocket square. His hands are folded in front of him and he's smiling at the camera. He has a very nice smile." class="aligncenter wp-image-140338 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="450" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/the-bachelor-grant-ellis-week-1-e1738510252453.jpg?resize=450%2C450&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Grant talks about his parents failed marriage (his dad was an addict and his mom threw herself into work to cope) and how they really didn’t have a “normal” family dynamic. For example, they never ate meals together. He gets really emotional when he talks about getting married and having that traditional family he’s always dreamed of and for a horrible moment I wonder if he’s actually buying into this.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>Eep</em>.</p>
<p>The parade of limos starts and none of it is memorable.</p>
<p>We meet Dina who is from a big Romanian family in Chicago. She’s an attorney, and Grant seems pretty dazzled by her right away.</p>
<p>J’Nae seems confused by the fact that there are a lot of women there competing for the same guy and…girl, have you not seen this show before?</p>
<p>One contestant was going to compete for Miss Dominican Republic and instead decided to come on the show.</p>
<p>Muzzy: Big Dumb Boyfriends are important…but not <em>that</em> important.</p>
<p>Then Alexe comes up the recently hosed down driveway leading a “No Drama Llama.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><img alt="Alexe and the No Drama Llama. The llama is white and brown and on a brown leather lead, while Alexe is wearing a brown off the shoulder gown with gold sparkles" class="aligncenter wp-image-140339 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="253" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/lama-e1738511119935.webp?resize=450%2C253&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>One of the other contestants asks if you can ride a llama and …</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Click for me</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="David from Schitt's Creek is appalled" class="aligncenter wp-image-140340 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="400" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/confused.gif?resize=400%2C400&ssl=1" width="400"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Muzzy: That llama looks <em>delicious</em>.</p>
<p>The llama’s name is Linda, BTW and we’re all Team Linda now.</p>
<p>Also, there’s a hilarious<a href="https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/llamageddon" rel="noopener" target="_blank"> student film called <em>Llamageddon</em></a> that I think might still be free on Amazon Prime and I totally recommend watching it and laughing till you have to pee.</p>
<p><span class="YvIURL"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="340" loading="lazy" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lXBLv71E3bw?feature=oembed" title="Llamageddon - Final Trailer Premiere" width="604"></iframe></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Natalie was spit on by a llama once and wants nothing to do with Linda, so obviously they’re going to have to go on a two-on-one date in the near future.</p>
<p>Sarafiena shows up with a six foot cutout of Grant’s head.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>HISSSSS</em></p>
<p>Once the group is assembled on the drinking couches, Grant asks them what love means to them, and it’s apparent that the women are drunk-panicking because they didn’t think there would be a quiz.</p>
<p>The first kiss of the night goes to Allyshia.</p>
<p>Linda is APPALLED.</p>
<p>Juliana gets the next kiss.</p>
<p><img alt="Juliana and Grant kiss he has his hand on her face and his lips pursed while she touches his cheek
away from the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140341 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="239" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/kiss-e1738513087198.webp?resize=450%2C239&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy: JUSTICE FOR LINDA!</p>
<p>Then a limo pulls up and we get BIG DRAMATIC SCARY MUSIC.</p>
<p>Out steps Grant’s sister, but all the contestants are freaking out thinking it’s his ex.</p>
<p>One of the women says she walked out “vagina first” and I’m having a hard time picturing how that would work.</p>
<p>She shows the women embarrassing childhood photos of Grant. Somewhere Linda is just clearing off that buffet while no one is watching.</p>
<p>Muzzy: You eat those meatballs, girl.</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Linda</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="a llama gives side eye" class="aligncenter wp-image-140342 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="330" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/llama-mirada.gif?resize=370%2C330&ssl=1" width="370"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Then we get MORE dramatic music and it’s time for the first impression rose.</p>
<p>Jesse reveals that the person who gets the first impression rose will also be going on the first one-on-one date.</p>
<p>Muzzy: TEAM LINDA.</p>
<p>The first impression room goes to Alexe because I guess you can give the rose to the person who brought the llama, but not the llama herself.</p>
<p>BUMMER.</p>
<p>Muzzy: I’m writing a letter to ABC.</p>
<p>Alexe says she can’t feel her legs. THAT’S A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, ALEXE.</p>
<p>Then we cut straight to the Dreaded Rose Ceremony.</p>
<p>Christina, J’Nae, Kelsey, Kyleigh, Neicey, Radhika and Savannah go home.</p>
<p>That’s it. Are you watching? Or are you reading the recaps with me and Muzzy?</p>
<p><em>Bonus question: What are the names you call your pets? Like, all of the names?</em></p>
<p> </p>
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all....
smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2025/02/elyse-watches-th...
#Elyse #Watches #The #Bachelor #& #The #Bachelorette
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant
<p><img alt="Elyse Watches The Bachelor with Kraken Rum and Coke" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-55930" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" fetchpriority="high" height="251" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=150%2C125&ssl=1 150w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=100%2C84&ssl=1 100w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=250%2C209&ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?w=595&ssl=1 595w" width="300"/>We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all.</p>
<p>I remember back in the early days of <em>The Bachelor</em> when the The Bachelor had some kind of career or was like an actual prince of something, and wasn’t just someone recycled through the weird social media/influencer microcosm that this franchise has become.</p>
<p>Anyway, my recap partner for this season is Muzzy.</p>
<p>AKA Muzzarina Louise April Princess Scrembalina Dainty Toes.</p>
<p><img alt="A black cat with a white snoot rests on a lap with one paw extended toward the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140336 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="600" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Muzzy-Lou-rotated-e1738509497220.jpeg?resize=450%2C600&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy originally came from a hoarding situation and wasn’t doing fantastic in our shelter environment. She stuck to the highest level of the cat tree and hid from everyone, except for when she appeared to bitch slap rambunctious kittens. She loved my husband, though, and would climb into his arms whenever he was there.</p>
<p>So we brought her home to see how she would do and much to our surprise after 24 hours she’d perfectly acclimated to our house. She wasn’t hiding, she was playing and exploring, and she gets so excited when she gets chicken that she gets what we call “chicken zoomies.” She doesn’t meow; she squeaks and meeps. She’s also the smallest of our cats at not quite 7lbs, but hands down the bravest. She growls at plumbers and bathroom remodelers and then demands to be involved in whatever they’re doing while the boys hide under the bed.</p>
<p>Also surprisingly, she fell in love with our incredibly dumb cat Fisher.</p>
<p>Fisher has two braincells competing for third place and both are coming in fourth.</p>
<p>Muzzy loves him.</p>
<p>He doesn’t understand what’s going on but snuggles and grooms her anyway. They eat out of the same bowl, they walk with their tails entwined, and we now call Fish “Big Dumb Boyfriend” because that’s exactly what he is.</p>
<p><img alt="A white and brown tabby and a black cat sit on top of a cat tree together. They are almost stacked on top of each other, " class="aligncenter wp-image-140337 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="605" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Big-Dumb-Boyfriend-e1738509726108.jpeg?resize=450%2C605&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>So now that you’ve met Muzzy, it’s time to get started.</p>
<p>This season’s Bachelor is Grant who is thirty and from Houston, TX. I know he was on <em>The Bachelorette</em> but I’ve forgotten everything about him already.</p>
<p><img alt="Grant poses in front of the McMansion. He has medium brown skin and is wearing a black shit and tie with a white pocket square. His hands are folded in front of him and he's smiling at the camera. He has a very nice smile." class="aligncenter wp-image-140338 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="450" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/the-bachelor-grant-ellis-week-1-e1738510252453.jpg?resize=450%2C450&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Grant talks about his parents failed marriage (his dad was an addict and his mom threw herself into work to cope) and how they really didn’t have a “normal” family dynamic. For example, they never ate meals together. He gets really emotional when he talks about getting married and having that traditional family he’s always dreamed of and for a horrible moment I wonder if he’s actually buying into this.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>Eep</em>.</p>
<p>The parade of limos starts and none of it is memorable.</p>
<p>We meet Dina who is from a big Romanian family in Chicago. She’s an attorney, and Grant seems pretty dazzled by her right away.</p>
<p>J’Nae seems confused by the fact that there are a lot of women there competing for the same guy and…girl, have you not seen this show before?</p>
<p>One contestant was going to compete for Miss Dominican Republic and instead decided to come on the show.</p>
<p>Muzzy: Big Dumb Boyfriends are important…but not <em>that</em> important.</p>
<p>Then Alexe comes up the recently hosed down driveway leading a “No Drama Llama.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><img alt="Alexe and the No Drama Llama. The llama is white and brown and on a brown leather lead, while Alexe is wearing a brown off the shoulder gown with gold sparkles" class="aligncenter wp-image-140339 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="253" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/lama-e1738511119935.webp?resize=450%2C253&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>One of the other contestants asks if you can ride a llama and …</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Click for me</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="David from Schitt's Creek is appalled" class="aligncenter wp-image-140340 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="400" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/confused.gif?resize=400%2C400&ssl=1" width="400"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Muzzy: That llama looks <em>delicious</em>.</p>
<p>The llama’s name is Linda, BTW and we’re all Team Linda now.</p>
<p>Also, there’s a hilarious<a href="https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/llamageddon" rel="noopener" target="_blank"> student film called <em>Llamageddon</em></a> that I think might still be free on Amazon Prime and I totally recommend watching it and laughing till you have to pee.</p>
<p><span class="YvIURL"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="340" loading="lazy" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lXBLv71E3bw?feature=oembed" title="Llamageddon - Final Trailer Premiere" width="604"></iframe></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Natalie was spit on by a llama once and wants nothing to do with Linda, so obviously they’re going to have to go on a two-on-one date in the near future.</p>
<p>Sarafiena shows up with a six foot cutout of Grant’s head.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>HISSSSS</em></p>
<p>Once the group is assembled on the drinking couches, Grant asks them what love means to them, and it’s apparent that the women are drunk-panicking because they didn’t think there would be a quiz.</p>
<p>The first kiss of the night goes to Allyshia.</p>
<p>Linda is APPALLED.</p>
<p>Juliana gets the next kiss.</p>
<p><img alt="Juliana and Grant kiss he has his hand on her face and his lips pursed while she touches his cheek
away from the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140341 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="239" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/kiss-e1738513087198.webp?resize=450%2C239&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy: JUSTICE FOR LINDA!</p>
<p>Then a limo pulls up and we get BIG DRAMATIC SCARY MUSIC.</p>
<p>Out steps Grant’s sister, but all the contestants are freaking out thinking it’s his ex.</p>
<p>One of the women says she walked out “vagina first” and I’m having a hard time picturing how that would work.</p>
<p>She shows the women embarrassing childhood photos of Grant. Somewhere Linda is just clearing off that buffet while no one is watching.</p>
<p>Muzzy: You eat those meatballs, girl.</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Linda</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="a llama gives side eye" class="aligncenter wp-image-140342 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="330" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/llama-mirada.gif?resize=370%2C330&ssl=1" width="370"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Then we get MORE dramatic music and it’s time for the first impression rose.</p>
<p>Jesse reveals that the person who gets the first impression rose will also be going on the first one-on-one date.</p>
<p>Muzzy: TEAM LINDA.</p>
<p>The first impression room goes to Alexe because I guess you can give the rose to the person who brought the llama, but not the llama herself.</p>
<p>BUMMER.</p>
<p>Muzzy: I’m writing a letter to ABC.</p>
<p>Alexe says she can’t feel her legs. THAT’S A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, ALEXE.</p>
<p>Then we cut straight to the Dreaded Rose Ceremony.</p>
<p>Christina, J’Nae, Kelsey, Kyleigh, Neicey, Radhika and Savannah go home.</p>
<p>That’s it. Are you watching? Or are you reading the recaps with me and Muzzy?</p>
<p><em>Bonus question: What are the names you call your pets? Like, all of the names?</em></p>
<p> </p>
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all....
smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2025/02/elyse-watches-th...
#Elyse #Watches #The #Bachelor #& #The #Bachelorette
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant
<p><img alt="Elyse Watches The Bachelor with Kraken Rum and Coke" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-55930" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" fetchpriority="high" height="251" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=150%2C125&ssl=1 150w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=100%2C84&ssl=1 100w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=250%2C209&ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?w=595&ssl=1 595w" width="300"/>We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all.</p>
<p>I remember back in the early days of <em>The Bachelor</em> when the The Bachelor had some kind of career or was like an actual prince of something, and wasn’t just someone recycled through the weird social media/influencer microcosm that this franchise has become.</p>
<p>Anyway, my recap partner for this season is Muzzy.</p>
<p>AKA Muzzarina Louise April Princess Scrembalina Dainty Toes.</p>
<p><img alt="A black cat with a white snoot rests on a lap with one paw extended toward the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140336 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="600" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Muzzy-Lou-rotated-e1738509497220.jpeg?resize=450%2C600&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy originally came from a hoarding situation and wasn’t doing fantastic in our shelter environment. She stuck to the highest level of the cat tree and hid from everyone, except for when she appeared to bitch slap rambunctious kittens. She loved my husband, though, and would climb into his arms whenever he was there.</p>
<p>So we brought her home to see how she would do and much to our surprise after 24 hours she’d perfectly acclimated to our house. She wasn’t hiding, she was playing and exploring, and she gets so excited when she gets chicken that she gets what we call “chicken zoomies.” She doesn’t meow; she squeaks and meeps. She’s also the smallest of our cats at not quite 7lbs, but hands down the bravest. She growls at plumbers and bathroom remodelers and then demands to be involved in whatever they’re doing while the boys hide under the bed.</p>
<p>Also surprisingly, she fell in love with our incredibly dumb cat Fisher.</p>
<p>Fisher has two braincells competing for third place and both are coming in fourth.</p>
<p>Muzzy loves him.</p>
<p>He doesn’t understand what’s going on but snuggles and grooms her anyway. They eat out of the same bowl, they walk with their tails entwined, and we now call Fish “Big Dumb Boyfriend” because that’s exactly what he is.</p>
<p><img alt="A white and brown tabby and a black cat sit on top of a cat tree together. They are almost stacked on top of each other, " class="aligncenter wp-image-140337 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="605" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Big-Dumb-Boyfriend-e1738509726108.jpeg?resize=450%2C605&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>So now that you’ve met Muzzy, it’s time to get started.</p>
<p>This season’s Bachelor is Grant who is thirty and from Houston, TX. I know he was on <em>The Bachelorette</em> but I’ve forgotten everything about him already.</p>
<p><img alt="Grant poses in front of the McMansion. He has medium brown skin and is wearing a black shit and tie with a white pocket square. His hands are folded in front of him and he's smiling at the camera. He has a very nice smile." class="aligncenter wp-image-140338 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="450" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/the-bachelor-grant-ellis-week-1-e1738510252453.jpg?resize=450%2C450&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Grant talks about his parents failed marriage (his dad was an addict and his mom threw herself into work to cope) and how they really didn’t have a “normal” family dynamic. For example, they never ate meals together. He gets really emotional when he talks about getting married and having that traditional family he’s always dreamed of and for a horrible moment I wonder if he’s actually buying into this.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>Eep</em>.</p>
<p>The parade of limos starts and none of it is memorable.</p>
<p>We meet Dina who is from a big Romanian family in Chicago. She’s an attorney, and Grant seems pretty dazzled by her right away.</p>
<p>J’Nae seems confused by the fact that there are a lot of women there competing for the same guy and…girl, have you not seen this show before?</p>
<p>One contestant was going to compete for Miss Dominican Republic and instead decided to come on the show.</p>
<p>Muzzy: Big Dumb Boyfriends are important…but not <em>that</em> important.</p>
<p>Then Alexe comes up the recently hosed down driveway leading a “No Drama Llama.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><img alt="Alexe and the No Drama Llama. The llama is white and brown and on a brown leather lead, while Alexe is wearing a brown off the shoulder gown with gold sparkles" class="aligncenter wp-image-140339 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="253" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/lama-e1738511119935.webp?resize=450%2C253&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>One of the other contestants asks if you can ride a llama and …</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Click for me</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="David from Schitt's Creek is appalled" class="aligncenter wp-image-140340 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="400" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/confused.gif?resize=400%2C400&ssl=1" width="400"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Muzzy: That llama looks <em>delicious</em>.</p>
<p>The llama’s name is Linda, BTW and we’re all Team Linda now.</p>
<p>Also, there’s a hilarious<a href="https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/llamageddon" rel="noopener" target="_blank"> student film called <em>Llamageddon</em></a> that I think might still be free on Amazon Prime and I totally recommend watching it and laughing till you have to pee.</p>
<p><span class="YvIURL"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="340" loading="lazy" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lXBLv71E3bw?feature=oembed" title="Llamageddon - Final Trailer Premiere" width="604"></iframe></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Natalie was spit on by a llama once and wants nothing to do with Linda, so obviously they’re going to have to go on a two-on-one date in the near future.</p>
<p>Sarafiena shows up with a six foot cutout of Grant’s head.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>HISSSSS</em></p>
<p>Once the group is assembled on the drinking couches, Grant asks them what love means to them, and it’s apparent that the women are drunk-panicking because they didn’t think there would be a quiz.</p>
<p>The first kiss of the night goes to Allyshia.</p>
<p>Linda is APPALLED.</p>
<p>Juliana gets the next kiss.</p>
<p><img alt="Juliana and Grant kiss he has his hand on her face and his lips pursed while she touches his cheek
away from the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140341 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="239" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/kiss-e1738513087198.webp?resize=450%2C239&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy: JUSTICE FOR LINDA!</p>
<p>Then a limo pulls up and we get BIG DRAMATIC SCARY MUSIC.</p>
<p>Out steps Grant’s sister, but all the contestants are freaking out thinking it’s his ex.</p>
<p>One of the women says she walked out “vagina first” and I’m having a hard time picturing how that would work.</p>
<p>She shows the women embarrassing childhood photos of Grant. Somewhere Linda is just clearing off that buffet while no one is watching.</p>
<p>Muzzy: You eat those meatballs, girl.</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Linda</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="a llama gives side eye" class="aligncenter wp-image-140342 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="330" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/llama-mirada.gif?resize=370%2C330&ssl=1" width="370"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Then we get MORE dramatic music and it’s time for the first impression rose.</p>
<p>Jesse reveals that the person who gets the first impression rose will also be going on the first one-on-one date.</p>
<p>Muzzy: TEAM LINDA.</p>
<p>The first impression room goes to Alexe because I guess you can give the rose to the person who brought the llama, but not the llama herself.</p>
<p>BUMMER.</p>
<p>Muzzy: I’m writing a letter to ABC.</p>
<p>Alexe says she can’t feel her legs. THAT’S A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, ALEXE.</p>
<p>Then we cut straight to the Dreaded Rose Ceremony.</p>
<p>Christina, J’Nae, Kelsey, Kyleigh, Neicey, Radhika and Savannah go home.</p>
<p>That’s it. Are you watching? Or are you reading the recaps with me and Muzzy?</p>
<p><em>Bonus question: What are the names you call your pets? Like, all of the names?</em></p>
<p> </p>
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all....
smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2025/02/elyse-watches-th...
#Elyse #Watches #The #Bachelor #& #The #Bachelorette
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant
<p><img alt="Elyse Watches The Bachelor with Kraken Rum and Coke" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-55930" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" fetchpriority="high" height="251" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=150%2C125&ssl=1 150w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=100%2C84&ssl=1 100w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=250%2C209&ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?w=595&ssl=1 595w" width="300"/>We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all.</p>
<p>I remember back in the early days of <em>The Bachelor</em> when the The Bachelor had some kind of career or was like an actual prince of something, and wasn’t just someone recycled through the weird social media/influencer microcosm that this franchise has become.</p>
<p>Anyway, my recap partner for this season is Muzzy.</p>
<p>AKA Muzzarina Louise April Princess Scrembalina Dainty Toes.</p>
<p><img alt="A black cat with a white snoot rests on a lap with one paw extended toward the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140336 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="600" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Muzzy-Lou-rotated-e1738509497220.jpeg?resize=450%2C600&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy originally came from a hoarding situation and wasn’t doing fantastic in our shelter environment. She stuck to the highest level of the cat tree and hid from everyone, except for when she appeared to bitch slap rambunctious kittens. She loved my husband, though, and would climb into his arms whenever he was there.</p>
<p>So we brought her home to see how she would do and much to our surprise after 24 hours she’d perfectly acclimated to our house. She wasn’t hiding, she was playing and exploring, and she gets so excited when she gets chicken that she gets what we call “chicken zoomies.” She doesn’t meow; she squeaks and meeps. She’s also the smallest of our cats at not quite 7lbs, but hands down the bravest. She growls at plumbers and bathroom remodelers and then demands to be involved in whatever they’re doing while the boys hide under the bed.</p>
<p>Also surprisingly, she fell in love with our incredibly dumb cat Fisher.</p>
<p>Fisher has two braincells competing for third place and both are coming in fourth.</p>
<p>Muzzy loves him.</p>
<p>He doesn’t understand what’s going on but snuggles and grooms her anyway. They eat out of the same bowl, they walk with their tails entwined, and we now call Fish “Big Dumb Boyfriend” because that’s exactly what he is.</p>
<p><img alt="A white and brown tabby and a black cat sit on top of a cat tree together. They are almost stacked on top of each other, " class="aligncenter wp-image-140337 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="605" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Big-Dumb-Boyfriend-e1738509726108.jpeg?resize=450%2C605&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>So now that you’ve met Muzzy, it’s time to get started.</p>
<p>This season’s Bachelor is Grant who is thirty and from Houston, TX. I know he was on <em>The Bachelorette</em> but I’ve forgotten everything about him already.</p>
<p><img alt="Grant poses in front of the McMansion. He has medium brown skin and is wearing a black shit and tie with a white pocket square. His hands are folded in front of him and he's smiling at the camera. He has a very nice smile." class="aligncenter wp-image-140338 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="450" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/the-bachelor-grant-ellis-week-1-e1738510252453.jpg?resize=450%2C450&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Grant talks about his parents failed marriage (his dad was an addict and his mom threw herself into work to cope) and how they really didn’t have a “normal” family dynamic. For example, they never ate meals together. He gets really emotional when he talks about getting married and having that traditional family he’s always dreamed of and for a horrible moment I wonder if he’s actually buying into this.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>Eep</em>.</p>
<p>The parade of limos starts and none of it is memorable.</p>
<p>We meet Dina who is from a big Romanian family in Chicago. She’s an attorney, and Grant seems pretty dazzled by her right away.</p>
<p>J’Nae seems confused by the fact that there are a lot of women there competing for the same guy and…girl, have you not seen this show before?</p>
<p>One contestant was going to compete for Miss Dominican Republic and instead decided to come on the show.</p>
<p>Muzzy: Big Dumb Boyfriends are important…but not <em>that</em> important.</p>
<p>Then Alexe comes up the recently hosed down driveway leading a “No Drama Llama.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><img alt="Alexe and the No Drama Llama. The llama is white and brown and on a brown leather lead, while Alexe is wearing a brown off the shoulder gown with gold sparkles" class="aligncenter wp-image-140339 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="253" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/lama-e1738511119935.webp?resize=450%2C253&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>One of the other contestants asks if you can ride a llama and …</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Click for me</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="David from Schitt's Creek is appalled" class="aligncenter wp-image-140340 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="400" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/confused.gif?resize=400%2C400&ssl=1" width="400"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Muzzy: That llama looks <em>delicious</em>.</p>
<p>The llama’s name is Linda, BTW and we’re all Team Linda now.</p>
<p>Also, there’s a hilarious<a href="https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/llamageddon" rel="noopener" target="_blank"> student film called <em>Llamageddon</em></a> that I think might still be free on Amazon Prime and I totally recommend watching it and laughing till you have to pee.</p>
<p><span class="YvIURL"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="340" loading="lazy" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lXBLv71E3bw?feature=oembed" title="Llamageddon - Final Trailer Premiere" width="604"></iframe></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Natalie was spit on by a llama once and wants nothing to do with Linda, so obviously they’re going to have to go on a two-on-one date in the near future.</p>
<p>Sarafiena shows up with a six foot cutout of Grant’s head.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>HISSSSS</em></p>
<p>Once the group is assembled on the drinking couches, Grant asks them what love means to them, and it’s apparent that the women are drunk-panicking because they didn’t think there would be a quiz.</p>
<p>The first kiss of the night goes to Allyshia.</p>
<p>Linda is APPALLED.</p>
<p>Juliana gets the next kiss.</p>
<p><img alt="Juliana and Grant kiss he has his hand on her face and his lips pursed while she touches his cheek
away from the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140341 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="239" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/kiss-e1738513087198.webp?resize=450%2C239&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy: JUSTICE FOR LINDA!</p>
<p>Then a limo pulls up and we get BIG DRAMATIC SCARY MUSIC.</p>
<p>Out steps Grant’s sister, but all the contestants are freaking out thinking it’s his ex.</p>
<p>One of the women says she walked out “vagina first” and I’m having a hard time picturing how that would work.</p>
<p>She shows the women embarrassing childhood photos of Grant. Somewhere Linda is just clearing off that buffet while no one is watching.</p>
<p>Muzzy: You eat those meatballs, girl.</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Linda</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="a llama gives side eye" class="aligncenter wp-image-140342 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="330" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/llama-mirada.gif?resize=370%2C330&ssl=1" width="370"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Then we get MORE dramatic music and it’s time for the first impression rose.</p>
<p>Jesse reveals that the person who gets the first impression rose will also be going on the first one-on-one date.</p>
<p>Muzzy: TEAM LINDA.</p>
<p>The first impression room goes to Alexe because I guess you can give the rose to the person who brought the llama, but not the llama herself.</p>
<p>BUMMER.</p>
<p>Muzzy: I’m writing a letter to ABC.</p>
<p>Alexe says she can’t feel her legs. THAT’S A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, ALEXE.</p>
<p>Then we cut straight to the Dreaded Rose Ceremony.</p>
<p>Christina, J’Nae, Kelsey, Kyleigh, Neicey, Radhika and Savannah go home.</p>
<p>That’s it. Are you watching? Or are you reading the recaps with me and Muzzy?</p>
<p><em>Bonus question: What are the names you call your pets? Like, all of the names?</em></p>
<p> </p>
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all....
smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2025/02/elyse-watches-th...
#Elyse #Watches #The #Bachelor #& #The #Bachelorette
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant
<p><img alt="Elyse Watches The Bachelor with Kraken Rum and Coke" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-55930" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" fetchpriority="high" height="251" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=150%2C125&ssl=1 150w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=100%2C84&ssl=1 100w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=250%2C209&ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?w=595&ssl=1 595w" width="300"/>We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all.</p>
<p>I remember back in the early days of <em>The Bachelor</em> when the The Bachelor had some kind of career or was like an actual prince of something, and wasn’t just someone recycled through the weird social media/influencer microcosm that this franchise has become.</p>
<p>Anyway, my recap partner for this season is Muzzy.</p>
<p>AKA Muzzarina Louise April Princess Scrembalina Dainty Toes.</p>
<p><img alt="A black cat with a white snoot rests on a lap with one paw extended toward the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140336 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="600" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Muzzy-Lou-rotated-e1738509497220.jpeg?resize=450%2C600&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy originally came from a hoarding situation and wasn’t doing fantastic in our shelter environment. She stuck to the highest level of the cat tree and hid from everyone, except for when she appeared to bitch slap rambunctious kittens. She loved my husband, though, and would climb into his arms whenever he was there.</p>
<p>So we brought her home to see how she would do and much to our surprise after 24 hours she’d perfectly acclimated to our house. She wasn’t hiding, she was playing and exploring, and she gets so excited when she gets chicken that she gets what we call “chicken zoomies.” She doesn’t meow; she squeaks and meeps. She’s also the smallest of our cats at not quite 7lbs, but hands down the bravest. She growls at plumbers and bathroom remodelers and then demands to be involved in whatever they’re doing while the boys hide under the bed.</p>
<p>Also surprisingly, she fell in love with our incredibly dumb cat Fisher.</p>
<p>Fisher has two braincells competing for third place and both are coming in fourth.</p>
<p>Muzzy loves him.</p>
<p>He doesn’t understand what’s going on but snuggles and grooms her anyway. They eat out of the same bowl, they walk with their tails entwined, and we now call Fish “Big Dumb Boyfriend” because that’s exactly what he is.</p>
<p><img alt="A white and brown tabby and a black cat sit on top of a cat tree together. They are almost stacked on top of each other, " class="aligncenter wp-image-140337 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="605" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Big-Dumb-Boyfriend-e1738509726108.jpeg?resize=450%2C605&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>So now that you’ve met Muzzy, it’s time to get started.</p>
<p>This season’s Bachelor is Grant who is thirty and from Houston, TX. I know he was on <em>The Bachelorette</em> but I’ve forgotten everything about him already.</p>
<p><img alt="Grant poses in front of the McMansion. He has medium brown skin and is wearing a black shit and tie with a white pocket square. His hands are folded in front of him and he's smiling at the camera. He has a very nice smile." class="aligncenter wp-image-140338 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="450" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/the-bachelor-grant-ellis-week-1-e1738510252453.jpg?resize=450%2C450&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Grant talks about his parents failed marriage (his dad was an addict and his mom threw herself into work to cope) and how they really didn’t have a “normal” family dynamic. For example, they never ate meals together. He gets really emotional when he talks about getting married and having that traditional family he’s always dreamed of and for a horrible moment I wonder if he’s actually buying into this.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>Eep</em>.</p>
<p>The parade of limos starts and none of it is memorable.</p>
<p>We meet Dina who is from a big Romanian family in Chicago. She’s an attorney, and Grant seems pretty dazzled by her right away.</p>
<p>J’Nae seems confused by the fact that there are a lot of women there competing for the same guy and…girl, have you not seen this show before?</p>
<p>One contestant was going to compete for Miss Dominican Republic and instead decided to come on the show.</p>
<p>Muzzy: Big Dumb Boyfriends are important…but not <em>that</em> important.</p>
<p>Then Alexe comes up the recently hosed down driveway leading a “No Drama Llama.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><img alt="Alexe and the No Drama Llama. The llama is white and brown and on a brown leather lead, while Alexe is wearing a brown off the shoulder gown with gold sparkles" class="aligncenter wp-image-140339 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="253" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/lama-e1738511119935.webp?resize=450%2C253&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>One of the other contestants asks if you can ride a llama and …</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Click for me</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="David from Schitt's Creek is appalled" class="aligncenter wp-image-140340 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="400" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/confused.gif?resize=400%2C400&ssl=1" width="400"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Muzzy: That llama looks <em>delicious</em>.</p>
<p>The llama’s name is Linda, BTW and we’re all Team Linda now.</p>
<p>Also, there’s a hilarious<a href="https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/llamageddon" rel="noopener" target="_blank"> student film called <em>Llamageddon</em></a> that I think might still be free on Amazon Prime and I totally recommend watching it and laughing till you have to pee.</p>
<p><span class="YvIURL"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="340" loading="lazy" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lXBLv71E3bw?feature=oembed" title="Llamageddon - Final Trailer Premiere" width="604"></iframe></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Natalie was spit on by a llama once and wants nothing to do with Linda, so obviously they’re going to have to go on a two-on-one date in the near future.</p>
<p>Sarafiena shows up with a six foot cutout of Grant’s head.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>HISSSSS</em></p>
<p>Once the group is assembled on the drinking couches, Grant asks them what love means to them, and it’s apparent that the women are drunk-panicking because they didn’t think there would be a quiz.</p>
<p>The first kiss of the night goes to Allyshia.</p>
<p>Linda is APPALLED.</p>
<p>Juliana gets the next kiss.</p>
<p><img alt="Juliana and Grant kiss he has his hand on her face and his lips pursed while she touches his cheek
away from the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140341 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="239" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/kiss-e1738513087198.webp?resize=450%2C239&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy: JUSTICE FOR LINDA!</p>
<p>Then a limo pulls up and we get BIG DRAMATIC SCARY MUSIC.</p>
<p>Out steps Grant’s sister, but all the contestants are freaking out thinking it’s his ex.</p>
<p>One of the women says she walked out “vagina first” and I’m having a hard time picturing how that would work.</p>
<p>She shows the women embarrassing childhood photos of Grant. Somewhere Linda is just clearing off that buffet while no one is watching.</p>
<p>Muzzy: You eat those meatballs, girl.</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Linda</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="a llama gives side eye" class="aligncenter wp-image-140342 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="330" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/llama-mirada.gif?resize=370%2C330&ssl=1" width="370"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Then we get MORE dramatic music and it’s time for the first impression rose.</p>
<p>Jesse reveals that the person who gets the first impression rose will also be going on the first one-on-one date.</p>
<p>Muzzy: TEAM LINDA.</p>
<p>The first impression room goes to Alexe because I guess you can give the rose to the person who brought the llama, but not the llama herself.</p>
<p>BUMMER.</p>
<p>Muzzy: I’m writing a letter to ABC.</p>
<p>Alexe says she can’t feel her legs. THAT’S A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, ALEXE.</p>
<p>Then we cut straight to the Dreaded Rose Ceremony.</p>
<p>Christina, J’Nae, Kelsey, Kyleigh, Neicey, Radhika and Savannah go home.</p>
<p>That’s it. Are you watching? Or are you reading the recaps with me and Muzzy?</p>
<p><em>Bonus question: What are the names you call your pets? Like, all of the names?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<div class="likebtn_container" style="text-align:right;"><!-- LikeBtn.com BEGIN --><span class="likebtn-wrapper" data-dislike_enabled="false" data-engine="WordPress" data-event_handler="likebtn_eh" data-icon_dislike_show="false" data-identifier="post_140335" data-item_date="2025-02-03T15:17:01-05:00" data-item_image="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?fit=595%2C497&ssl=1" data-item_title="Elyse Watches The Bachelor--S29 E1: Grant" data-item_url="https://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2025/02/elyse-watches-the-bachelor-s29-e1-grant/" data-plugin_v="2.6.55" data-popup_disabled="true" data-prx="https://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php?action=likebtn_prx" data-rich_snippet="true" data-show_copyright="" data-site_id="673e470efa8fdf5b0716721f" data-style="" data-theme="review" data-unlike_allowed="" data-white_label="true"></span><!-- LikeBtn.com END --></div>
Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all....
smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2025/02/elyse-watches-th...
#Elyse #Watches #The #Bachelor #& #The #Bachelorette
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant
<p><img alt="Elyse Watches The Bachelor with Kraken Rum and Coke" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-55930" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" fetchpriority="high" height="251" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=150%2C125&ssl=1 150w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=100%2C84&ssl=1 100w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=250%2C209&ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?w=595&ssl=1 595w" width="300"/>We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all.</p>
<p>I remember back in the early days of <em>The Bachelor</em> when the The Bachelor had some kind of career or was like an actual prince of something, and wasn’t just someone recycled through the weird social media/influencer microcosm that this franchise has become.</p>
<p>Anyway, my recap partner for this season is Muzzy.</p>
<p>AKA Muzzarina Louise April Princess Scrembalina Dainty Toes.</p>
<p><img alt="A black cat with a white snoot rests on a lap with one paw extended toward the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140336 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="600" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Muzzy-Lou-rotated-e1738509497220.jpeg?resize=450%2C600&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy originally came from a hoarding situation and wasn’t doing fantastic in our shelter environment. She stuck to the highest level of the cat tree and hid from everyone, except for when she appeared to bitch slap rambunctious kittens. She loved my husband, though, and would climb into his arms whenever he was there.</p>
<p>So we brought her home to see how she would do and much to our surprise after 24 hours she’d perfectly acclimated to our house. She wasn’t hiding, she was playing and exploring, and she gets so excited when she gets chicken that she gets what we call “chicken zoomies.” She doesn’t meow; she squeaks and meeps. She’s also the smallest of our cats at not quite 7lbs, but hands down the bravest. She growls at plumbers and bathroom remodelers and then demands to be involved in whatever they’re doing while the boys hide under the bed.</p>
<p>Also surprisingly, she fell in love with our incredibly dumb cat Fisher.</p>
<p>Fisher has two braincells competing for third place and both are coming in fourth.</p>
<p>Muzzy loves him.</p>
<p>He doesn’t understand what’s going on but snuggles and grooms her anyway. They eat out of the same bowl, they walk with their tails entwined, and we now call Fish “Big Dumb Boyfriend” because that’s exactly what he is.</p>
<p><img alt="A white and brown tabby and a black cat sit on top of a cat tree together. They are almost stacked on top of each other, " class="aligncenter wp-image-140337 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="605" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Big-Dumb-Boyfriend-e1738509726108.jpeg?resize=450%2C605&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>So now that you’ve met Muzzy, it’s time to get started.</p>
<p>This season’s Bachelor is Grant who is thirty and from Houston, TX. I know he was on <em>The Bachelorette</em> but I’ve forgotten everything about him already.</p>
<p><img alt="Grant poses in front of the McMansion. He has medium brown skin and is wearing a black shit and tie with a white pocket square. His hands are folded in front of him and he's smiling at the camera. He has a very nice smile." class="aligncenter wp-image-140338 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="450" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/the-bachelor-grant-ellis-week-1-e1738510252453.jpg?resize=450%2C450&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Grant talks about his parents failed marriage (his dad was an addict and his mom threw herself into work to cope) and how they really didn’t have a “normal” family dynamic. For example, they never ate meals together. He gets really emotional when he talks about getting married and having that traditional family he’s always dreamed of and for a horrible moment I wonder if he’s actually buying into this.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>Eep</em>.</p>
<p>The parade of limos starts and none of it is memorable.</p>
<p>We meet Dina who is from a big Romanian family in Chicago. She’s an attorney, and Grant seems pretty dazzled by her right away.</p>
<p>J’Nae seems confused by the fact that there are a lot of women there competing for the same guy and…girl, have you not seen this show before?</p>
<p>One contestant was going to compete for Miss Dominican Republic and instead decided to come on the show.</p>
<p>Muzzy: Big Dumb Boyfriends are important…but not <em>that</em> important.</p>
<p>Then Alexe comes up the recently hosed down driveway leading a “No Drama Llama.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><img alt="Alexe and the No Drama Llama. The llama is white and brown and on a brown leather lead, while Alexe is wearing a brown off the shoulder gown with gold sparkles" class="aligncenter wp-image-140339 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="253" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/lama-e1738511119935.webp?resize=450%2C253&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>One of the other contestants asks if you can ride a llama and …</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Click for me</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="David from Schitt's Creek is appalled" class="aligncenter wp-image-140340 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="400" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/confused.gif?resize=400%2C400&ssl=1" width="400"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Muzzy: That llama looks <em>delicious</em>.</p>
<p>The llama’s name is Linda, BTW and we’re all Team Linda now.</p>
<p>Also, there’s a hilarious<a href="https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/llamageddon" rel="noopener" target="_blank"> student film called <em>Llamageddon</em></a> that I think might still be free on Amazon Prime and I totally recommend watching it and laughing till you have to pee.</p>
<p><span class="YvIURL"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="340" loading="lazy" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lXBLv71E3bw?feature=oembed" title="Llamageddon - Final Trailer Premiere" width="604"></iframe></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Natalie was spit on by a llama once and wants nothing to do with Linda, so obviously they’re going to have to go on a two-on-one date in the near future.</p>
<p>Sarafiena shows up with a six foot cutout of Grant’s head.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>HISSSSS</em></p>
<p>Once the group is assembled on the drinking couches, Grant asks them what love means to them, and it’s apparent that the women are drunk-panicking because they didn’t think there would be a quiz.</p>
<p>The first kiss of the night goes to Allyshia.</p>
<p>Linda is APPALLED.</p>
<p>Juliana gets the next kiss.</p>
<p><img alt="Juliana and Grant kiss he has his hand on her face and his lips pursed while she touches his cheek
away from the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140341 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="239" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/kiss-e1738513087198.webp?resize=450%2C239&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy: JUSTICE FOR LINDA!</p>
<p>Then a limo pulls up and we get BIG DRAMATIC SCARY MUSIC.</p>
<p>Out steps Grant’s sister, but all the contestants are freaking out thinking it’s his ex.</p>
<p>One of the women says she walked out “vagina first” and I’m having a hard time picturing how that would work.</p>
<p>She shows the women embarrassing childhood photos of Grant. Somewhere Linda is just clearing off that buffet while no one is watching.</p>
<p>Muzzy: You eat those meatballs, girl.</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Linda</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="a llama gives side eye" class="aligncenter wp-image-140342 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="330" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/llama-mirada.gif?resize=370%2C330&ssl=1" width="370"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Then we get MORE dramatic music and it’s time for the first impression rose.</p>
<p>Jesse reveals that the person who gets the first impression rose will also be going on the first one-on-one date.</p>
<p>Muzzy: TEAM LINDA.</p>
<p>The first impression room goes to Alexe because I guess you can give the rose to the person who brought the llama, but not the llama herself.</p>
<p>BUMMER.</p>
<p>Muzzy: I’m writing a letter to ABC.</p>
<p>Alexe says she can’t feel her legs. THAT’S A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, ALEXE.</p>
<p>Then we cut straight to the Dreaded Rose Ceremony.</p>
<p>Christina, J’Nae, Kelsey, Kyleigh, Neicey, Radhika and Savannah go home.</p>
<p>That’s it. Are you watching? Or are you reading the recaps with me and Muzzy?</p>
<p><em>Bonus question: What are the names you call your pets? Like, all of the names?</em></p>
<p> </p>
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all....
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#Elyse #Watches #The #Bachelor #& #The #Bachelorette
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant
<p><img alt="Elyse Watches The Bachelor with Kraken Rum and Coke" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-55930" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" fetchpriority="high" height="251" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=150%2C125&ssl=1 150w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=100%2C84&ssl=1 100w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=250%2C209&ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?w=595&ssl=1 595w" width="300"/>We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all.</p>
<p>I remember back in the early days of <em>The Bachelor</em> when the The Bachelor had some kind of career or was like an actual prince of something, and wasn’t just someone recycled through the weird social media/influencer microcosm that this franchise has become.</p>
<p>Anyway, my recap partner for this season is Muzzy.</p>
<p>AKA Muzzarina Louise April Princess Scrembalina Dainty Toes.</p>
<p><img alt="A black cat with a white snoot rests on a lap with one paw extended toward the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140336 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="600" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Muzzy-Lou-rotated-e1738509497220.jpeg?resize=450%2C600&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy originally came from a hoarding situation and wasn’t doing fantastic in our shelter environment. She stuck to the highest level of the cat tree and hid from everyone, except for when she appeared to bitch slap rambunctious kittens. She loved my husband, though, and would climb into his arms whenever he was there.</p>
<p>So we brought her home to see how she would do and much to our surprise after 24 hours she’d perfectly acclimated to our house. She wasn’t hiding, she was playing and exploring, and she gets so excited when she gets chicken that she gets what we call “chicken zoomies.” She doesn’t meow; she squeaks and meeps. She’s also the smallest of our cats at not quite 7lbs, but hands down the bravest. She growls at plumbers and bathroom remodelers and then demands to be involved in whatever they’re doing while the boys hide under the bed.</p>
<p>Also surprisingly, she fell in love with our incredibly dumb cat Fisher.</p>
<p>Fisher has two braincells competing for third place and both are coming in fourth.</p>
<p>Muzzy loves him.</p>
<p>He doesn’t understand what’s going on but snuggles and grooms her anyway. They eat out of the same bowl, they walk with their tails entwined, and we now call Fish “Big Dumb Boyfriend” because that’s exactly what he is.</p>
<p><img alt="A white and brown tabby and a black cat sit on top of a cat tree together. They are almost stacked on top of each other, " class="aligncenter wp-image-140337 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="605" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Big-Dumb-Boyfriend-e1738509726108.jpeg?resize=450%2C605&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>So now that you’ve met Muzzy, it’s time to get started.</p>
<p>This season’s Bachelor is Grant who is thirty and from Houston, TX. I know he was on <em>The Bachelorette</em> but I’ve forgotten everything about him already.</p>
<p><img alt="Grant poses in front of the McMansion. He has medium brown skin and is wearing a black shit and tie with a white pocket square. His hands are folded in front of him and he's smiling at the camera. He has a very nice smile." class="aligncenter wp-image-140338 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="450" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/the-bachelor-grant-ellis-week-1-e1738510252453.jpg?resize=450%2C450&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Grant talks about his parents failed marriage (his dad was an addict and his mom threw herself into work to cope) and how they really didn’t have a “normal” family dynamic. For example, they never ate meals together. He gets really emotional when he talks about getting married and having that traditional family he’s always dreamed of and for a horrible moment I wonder if he’s actually buying into this.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>Eep</em>.</p>
<p>The parade of limos starts and none of it is memorable.</p>
<p>We meet Dina who is from a big Romanian family in Chicago. She’s an attorney, and Grant seems pretty dazzled by her right away.</p>
<p>J’Nae seems confused by the fact that there are a lot of women there competing for the same guy and…girl, have you not seen this show before?</p>
<p>One contestant was going to compete for Miss Dominican Republic and instead decided to come on the show.</p>
<p>Muzzy: Big Dumb Boyfriends are important…but not <em>that</em> important.</p>
<p>Then Alexe comes up the recently hosed down driveway leading a “No Drama Llama.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><img alt="Alexe and the No Drama Llama. The llama is white and brown and on a brown leather lead, while Alexe is wearing a brown off the shoulder gown with gold sparkles" class="aligncenter wp-image-140339 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="253" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/lama-e1738511119935.webp?resize=450%2C253&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>One of the other contestants asks if you can ride a llama and …</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Click for me</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="David from Schitt's Creek is appalled" class="aligncenter wp-image-140340 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="400" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/confused.gif?resize=400%2C400&ssl=1" width="400"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Muzzy: That llama looks <em>delicious</em>.</p>
<p>The llama’s name is Linda, BTW and we’re all Team Linda now.</p>
<p>Also, there’s a hilarious<a href="https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/llamageddon" rel="noopener" target="_blank"> student film called <em>Llamageddon</em></a> that I think might still be free on Amazon Prime and I totally recommend watching it and laughing till you have to pee.</p>
<p><span class="YvIURL"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="340" loading="lazy" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lXBLv71E3bw?feature=oembed" title="Llamageddon - Final Trailer Premiere" width="604"></iframe></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Natalie was spit on by a llama once and wants nothing to do with Linda, so obviously they’re going to have to go on a two-on-one date in the near future.</p>
<p>Sarafiena shows up with a six foot cutout of Grant’s head.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>HISSSSS</em></p>
<p>Once the group is assembled on the drinking couches, Grant asks them what love means to them, and it’s apparent that the women are drunk-panicking because they didn’t think there would be a quiz.</p>
<p>The first kiss of the night goes to Allyshia.</p>
<p>Linda is APPALLED.</p>
<p>Juliana gets the next kiss.</p>
<p><img alt="Juliana and Grant kiss he has his hand on her face and his lips pursed while she touches his cheek
away from the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140341 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="239" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/kiss-e1738513087198.webp?resize=450%2C239&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy: JUSTICE FOR LINDA!</p>
<p>Then a limo pulls up and we get BIG DRAMATIC SCARY MUSIC.</p>
<p>Out steps Grant’s sister, but all the contestants are freaking out thinking it’s his ex.</p>
<p>One of the women says she walked out “vagina first” and I’m having a hard time picturing how that would work.</p>
<p>She shows the women embarrassing childhood photos of Grant. Somewhere Linda is just clearing off that buffet while no one is watching.</p>
<p>Muzzy: You eat those meatballs, girl.</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Linda</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="a llama gives side eye" class="aligncenter wp-image-140342 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="330" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/llama-mirada.gif?resize=370%2C330&ssl=1" width="370"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Then we get MORE dramatic music and it’s time for the first impression rose.</p>
<p>Jesse reveals that the person who gets the first impression rose will also be going on the first one-on-one date.</p>
<p>Muzzy: TEAM LINDA.</p>
<p>The first impression room goes to Alexe because I guess you can give the rose to the person who brought the llama, but not the llama herself.</p>
<p>BUMMER.</p>
<p>Muzzy: I’m writing a letter to ABC.</p>
<p>Alexe says she can’t feel her legs. THAT’S A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, ALEXE.</p>
<p>Then we cut straight to the Dreaded Rose Ceremony.</p>
<p>Christina, J’Nae, Kelsey, Kyleigh, Neicey, Radhika and Savannah go home.</p>
<p>That’s it. Are you watching? Or are you reading the recaps with me and Muzzy?</p>
<p><em>Bonus question: What are the names you call your pets? Like, all of the names?</em></p>
<p> </p>
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all....
smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2025/02/elyse-watches-th...
#Elyse #Watches #The #Bachelor #& #The #Bachelorette
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant
<p><img alt="Elyse Watches The Bachelor with Kraken Rum and Coke" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-55930" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" fetchpriority="high" height="251" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=150%2C125&ssl=1 150w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=100%2C84&ssl=1 100w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=250%2C209&ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?w=595&ssl=1 595w" width="300"/>We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all.</p>
<p>I remember back in the early days of <em>The Bachelor</em> when the The Bachelor had some kind of career or was like an actual prince of something, and wasn’t just someone recycled through the weird social media/influencer microcosm that this franchise has become.</p>
<p>Anyway, my recap partner for this season is Muzzy.</p>
<p>AKA Muzzarina Louise April Princess Scrembalina Dainty Toes.</p>
<p><img alt="A black cat with a white snoot rests on a lap with one paw extended toward the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140336 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="600" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Muzzy-Lou-rotated-e1738509497220.jpeg?resize=450%2C600&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy originally came from a hoarding situation and wasn’t doing fantastic in our shelter environment. She stuck to the highest level of the cat tree and hid from everyone, except for when she appeared to bitch slap rambunctious kittens. She loved my husband, though, and would climb into his arms whenever he was there.</p>
<p>So we brought her home to see how she would do and much to our surprise after 24 hours she’d perfectly acclimated to our house. She wasn’t hiding, she was playing and exploring, and she gets so excited when she gets chicken that she gets what we call “chicken zoomies.” She doesn’t meow; she squeaks and meeps. She’s also the smallest of our cats at not quite 7lbs, but hands down the bravest. She growls at plumbers and bathroom remodelers and then demands to be involved in whatever they’re doing while the boys hide under the bed.</p>
<p>Also surprisingly, she fell in love with our incredibly dumb cat Fisher.</p>
<p>Fisher has two braincells competing for third place and both are coming in fourth.</p>
<p>Muzzy loves him.</p>
<p>He doesn’t understand what’s going on but snuggles and grooms her anyway. They eat out of the same bowl, they walk with their tails entwined, and we now call Fish “Big Dumb Boyfriend” because that’s exactly what he is.</p>
<p><img alt="A white and brown tabby and a black cat sit on top of a cat tree together. They are almost stacked on top of each other, " class="aligncenter wp-image-140337 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="605" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Big-Dumb-Boyfriend-e1738509726108.jpeg?resize=450%2C605&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>So now that you’ve met Muzzy, it’s time to get started.</p>
<p>This season’s Bachelor is Grant who is thirty and from Houston, TX. I know he was on <em>The Bachelorette</em> but I’ve forgotten everything about him already.</p>
<p><img alt="Grant poses in front of the McMansion. He has medium brown skin and is wearing a black shit and tie with a white pocket square. His hands are folded in front of him and he's smiling at the camera. He has a very nice smile." class="aligncenter wp-image-140338 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="450" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/the-bachelor-grant-ellis-week-1-e1738510252453.jpg?resize=450%2C450&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Grant talks about his parents failed marriage (his dad was an addict and his mom threw herself into work to cope) and how they really didn’t have a “normal” family dynamic. For example, they never ate meals together. He gets really emotional when he talks about getting married and having that traditional family he’s always dreamed of and for a horrible moment I wonder if he’s actually buying into this.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>Eep</em>.</p>
<p>The parade of limos starts and none of it is memorable.</p>
<p>We meet Dina who is from a big Romanian family in Chicago. She’s an attorney, and Grant seems pretty dazzled by her right away.</p>
<p>J’Nae seems confused by the fact that there are a lot of women there competing for the same guy and…girl, have you not seen this show before?</p>
<p>One contestant was going to compete for Miss Dominican Republic and instead decided to come on the show.</p>
<p>Muzzy: Big Dumb Boyfriends are important…but not <em>that</em> important.</p>
<p>Then Alexe comes up the recently hosed down driveway leading a “No Drama Llama.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><img alt="Alexe and the No Drama Llama. The llama is white and brown and on a brown leather lead, while Alexe is wearing a brown off the shoulder gown with gold sparkles" class="aligncenter wp-image-140339 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="253" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/lama-e1738511119935.webp?resize=450%2C253&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>One of the other contestants asks if you can ride a llama and …</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Click for me</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="David from Schitt's Creek is appalled" class="aligncenter wp-image-140340 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="400" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/confused.gif?resize=400%2C400&ssl=1" width="400"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Muzzy: That llama looks <em>delicious</em>.</p>
<p>The llama’s name is Linda, BTW and we’re all Team Linda now.</p>
<p>Also, there’s a hilarious<a href="https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/llamageddon" rel="noopener" target="_blank"> student film called <em>Llamageddon</em></a> that I think might still be free on Amazon Prime and I totally recommend watching it and laughing till you have to pee.</p>
<p><span class="YvIURL"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="340" loading="lazy" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lXBLv71E3bw?feature=oembed" title="Llamageddon - Final Trailer Premiere" width="604"></iframe></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Natalie was spit on by a llama once and wants nothing to do with Linda, so obviously they’re going to have to go on a two-on-one date in the near future.</p>
<p>Sarafiena shows up with a six foot cutout of Grant’s head.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>HISSSSS</em></p>
<p>Once the group is assembled on the drinking couches, Grant asks them what love means to them, and it’s apparent that the women are drunk-panicking because they didn’t think there would be a quiz.</p>
<p>The first kiss of the night goes to Allyshia.</p>
<p>Linda is APPALLED.</p>
<p>Juliana gets the next kiss.</p>
<p><img alt="Juliana and Grant kiss he has his hand on her face and his lips pursed while she touches his cheek
away from the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140341 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="239" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/kiss-e1738513087198.webp?resize=450%2C239&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy: JUSTICE FOR LINDA!</p>
<p>Then a limo pulls up and we get BIG DRAMATIC SCARY MUSIC.</p>
<p>Out steps Grant’s sister, but all the contestants are freaking out thinking it’s his ex.</p>
<p>One of the women says she walked out “vagina first” and I’m having a hard time picturing how that would work.</p>
<p>She shows the women embarrassing childhood photos of Grant. Somewhere Linda is just clearing off that buffet while no one is watching.</p>
<p>Muzzy: You eat those meatballs, girl.</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Linda</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="a llama gives side eye" class="aligncenter wp-image-140342 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="330" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/llama-mirada.gif?resize=370%2C330&ssl=1" width="370"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Then we get MORE dramatic music and it’s time for the first impression rose.</p>
<p>Jesse reveals that the person who gets the first impression rose will also be going on the first one-on-one date.</p>
<p>Muzzy: TEAM LINDA.</p>
<p>The first impression room goes to Alexe because I guess you can give the rose to the person who brought the llama, but not the llama herself.</p>
<p>BUMMER.</p>
<p>Muzzy: I’m writing a letter to ABC.</p>
<p>Alexe says she can’t feel her legs. THAT’S A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, ALEXE.</p>
<p>Then we cut straight to the Dreaded Rose Ceremony.</p>
<p>Christina, J’Nae, Kelsey, Kyleigh, Neicey, Radhika and Savannah go home.</p>
<p>That’s it. Are you watching? Or are you reading the recaps with me and Muzzy?</p>
<p><em>Bonus question: What are the names you call your pets? Like, all of the names?</em></p>
<p> </p>
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all....
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#Elyse #Watches #The #Bachelor #& #The #Bachelorette
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant
<p><img alt="Elyse Watches The Bachelor with Kraken Rum and Coke" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-55930" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" fetchpriority="high" height="251" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=300%2C251&ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=150%2C125&ssl=1 150w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=100%2C84&ssl=1 100w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?resize=250%2C209&ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/ElyseBachelor.png?w=595&ssl=1 595w" width="300"/>We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all.</p>
<p>I remember back in the early days of <em>The Bachelor</em> when the The Bachelor had some kind of career or was like an actual prince of something, and wasn’t just someone recycled through the weird social media/influencer microcosm that this franchise has become.</p>
<p>Anyway, my recap partner for this season is Muzzy.</p>
<p>AKA Muzzarina Louise April Princess Scrembalina Dainty Toes.</p>
<p><img alt="A black cat with a white snoot rests on a lap with one paw extended toward the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140336 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="600" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Muzzy-Lou-rotated-e1738509497220.jpeg?resize=450%2C600&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy originally came from a hoarding situation and wasn’t doing fantastic in our shelter environment. She stuck to the highest level of the cat tree and hid from everyone, except for when she appeared to bitch slap rambunctious kittens. She loved my husband, though, and would climb into his arms whenever he was there.</p>
<p>So we brought her home to see how she would do and much to our surprise after 24 hours she’d perfectly acclimated to our house. She wasn’t hiding, she was playing and exploring, and she gets so excited when she gets chicken that she gets what we call “chicken zoomies.” She doesn’t meow; she squeaks and meeps. She’s also the smallest of our cats at not quite 7lbs, but hands down the bravest. She growls at plumbers and bathroom remodelers and then demands to be involved in whatever they’re doing while the boys hide under the bed.</p>
<p>Also surprisingly, she fell in love with our incredibly dumb cat Fisher.</p>
<p>Fisher has two braincells competing for third place and both are coming in fourth.</p>
<p>Muzzy loves him.</p>
<p>He doesn’t understand what’s going on but snuggles and grooms her anyway. They eat out of the same bowl, they walk with their tails entwined, and we now call Fish “Big Dumb Boyfriend” because that’s exactly what he is.</p>
<p><img alt="A white and brown tabby and a black cat sit on top of a cat tree together. They are almost stacked on top of each other, " class="aligncenter wp-image-140337 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="605" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Big-Dumb-Boyfriend-e1738509726108.jpeg?resize=450%2C605&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>So now that you’ve met Muzzy, it’s time to get started.</p>
<p>This season’s Bachelor is Grant who is thirty and from Houston, TX. I know he was on <em>The Bachelorette</em> but I’ve forgotten everything about him already.</p>
<p><img alt="Grant poses in front of the McMansion. He has medium brown skin and is wearing a black shit and tie with a white pocket square. His hands are folded in front of him and he's smiling at the camera. He has a very nice smile." class="aligncenter wp-image-140338 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="450" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/the-bachelor-grant-ellis-week-1-e1738510252453.jpg?resize=450%2C450&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Grant talks about his parents failed marriage (his dad was an addict and his mom threw herself into work to cope) and how they really didn’t have a “normal” family dynamic. For example, they never ate meals together. He gets really emotional when he talks about getting married and having that traditional family he’s always dreamed of and for a horrible moment I wonder if he’s actually buying into this.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>Eep</em>.</p>
<p>The parade of limos starts and none of it is memorable.</p>
<p>We meet Dina who is from a big Romanian family in Chicago. She’s an attorney, and Grant seems pretty dazzled by her right away.</p>
<p>J’Nae seems confused by the fact that there are a lot of women there competing for the same guy and…girl, have you not seen this show before?</p>
<p>One contestant was going to compete for Miss Dominican Republic and instead decided to come on the show.</p>
<p>Muzzy: Big Dumb Boyfriends are important…but not <em>that</em> important.</p>
<p>Then Alexe comes up the recently hosed down driveway leading a “No Drama Llama.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><img alt="Alexe and the No Drama Llama. The llama is white and brown and on a brown leather lead, while Alexe is wearing a brown off the shoulder gown with gold sparkles" class="aligncenter wp-image-140339 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="253" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/lama-e1738511119935.webp?resize=450%2C253&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>One of the other contestants asks if you can ride a llama and …</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Click for me</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="David from Schitt's Creek is appalled" class="aligncenter wp-image-140340 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="400" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/confused.gif?resize=400%2C400&ssl=1" width="400"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Muzzy: That llama looks <em>delicious</em>.</p>
<p>The llama’s name is Linda, BTW and we’re all Team Linda now.</p>
<p>Also, there’s a hilarious<a href="https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/llamageddon" rel="noopener" target="_blank"> student film called <em>Llamageddon</em></a> that I think might still be free on Amazon Prime and I totally recommend watching it and laughing till you have to pee.</p>
<p><span class="YvIURL"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="340" loading="lazy" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lXBLv71E3bw?feature=oembed" title="Llamageddon - Final Trailer Premiere" width="604"></iframe></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Natalie was spit on by a llama once and wants nothing to do with Linda, so obviously they’re going to have to go on a two-on-one date in the near future.</p>
<p>Sarafiena shows up with a six foot cutout of Grant’s head.</p>
<p>Muzzy: <em>HISSSSS</em></p>
<p>Once the group is assembled on the drinking couches, Grant asks them what love means to them, and it’s apparent that the women are drunk-panicking because they didn’t think there would be a quiz.</p>
<p>The first kiss of the night goes to Allyshia.</p>
<p>Linda is APPALLED.</p>
<p>Juliana gets the next kiss.</p>
<p><img alt="Juliana and Grant kiss he has his hand on her face and his lips pursed while she touches his cheek
away from the camera" class="aligncenter wp-image-140341 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="239" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/kiss-e1738513087198.webp?resize=450%2C239&ssl=1" width="450"/></p>
<p>Muzzy: JUSTICE FOR LINDA!</p>
<p>Then a limo pulls up and we get BIG DRAMATIC SCARY MUSIC.</p>
<p>Out steps Grant’s sister, but all the contestants are freaking out thinking it’s his ex.</p>
<p>One of the women says she walked out “vagina first” and I’m having a hard time picturing how that would work.</p>
<p>She shows the women embarrassing childhood photos of Grant. Somewhere Linda is just clearing off that buffet while no one is watching.</p>
<p>Muzzy: You eat those meatballs, girl.</p>
<div class="spoiler-box"><div class="spoiler-button">Linda</div><div class="spoiler" style="color:#ffffff;">
<p><img alt="a llama gives side eye" class="aligncenter wp-image-140342 size-full" data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" height="330" loading="lazy" src="https://i0.wp.com/smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/llama-mirada.gif?resize=370%2C330&ssl=1" width="370"/></p>
<p></p></div></div>
<p>Then we get MORE dramatic music and it’s time for the first impression rose.</p>
<p>Jesse reveals that the person who gets the first impression rose will also be going on the first one-on-one date.</p>
<p>Muzzy: TEAM LINDA.</p>
<p>The first impression room goes to Alexe because I guess you can give the rose to the person who brought the llama, but not the llama herself.</p>
<p>BUMMER.</p>
<p>Muzzy: I’m writing a letter to ABC.</p>
<p>Alexe says she can’t feel her legs. THAT’S A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, ALEXE.</p>
<p>Then we cut straight to the Dreaded Rose Ceremony.</p>
<p>Christina, J’Nae, Kelsey, Kyleigh, Neicey, Radhika and Savannah go home.</p>
<p>That’s it. Are you watching? Or are you reading the recaps with me and Muzzy?</p>
<p><em>Bonus question: What are the names you call your pets? Like, all of the names?</em></p>
<p> </p>
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Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all....
smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2025/02/elyse-watches-th...
#Elyse #Watches #The #Bachelor #& #The #Bachelorette
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![Mabus [Comms Open]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/avatar/plain/did:plc:nw4gtivhfeizdwvn7i5ku3nw/bafkreif655rx2kkvhklffqlsb4zyn6vinw4lf5z4yfh53ekxsklxcwjnte)
1 year ago
Ferellon meets Elyse
Ferellon meets Elyse, a pic that I did for Draco Studios.
#DracoStudios #art #DnD #DigitalArt #digital #dragonbond #ferellon #elyse
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