As a bit of fun, following is a timeline placing every one of my national selections for #Eurovisioctober and #Eurovember. Obviously, the early years are statistically sparse by virtue of the pool being more broadly spread (the younger competitors have a narrower target to cluster within).

First winner Lys Assia in 1958 with her fourth Eurovision entry, "Giorgio". She's got a tight crop of curly hair, a triple string of pearls, and a satin mesh-scoop ballgown with pearl embellishments. Were there no other singers in Switzerland in those days? Or did they just recognize a good thing when they saw it? This performance is somewhere between a yodel and the theme-tune to Bonanza. It's also the first polyglot entry in the contest's history ("polenta polenta polenta polenta".

Switzerland inventing the cockney chanson in 1970, with Henri Dès putting in some terribly annoying comic double-take glances. Here he is "ok"-ing us in his black safari suit, pink shirt, and sculpted side-parting. The song treads a fine line between irritating and fun. In the backdrop, Roland DeGroot's big silver balls.

Simone Drexel in 1975 with a song that utilizes the sort of repetition that is probably banned under a Geneva convention. A seemingly innocent and sweet introduction gives way to the bouncing "Bananas in Pyjamas" cabaret-style chorus (complete with tuned percussion) that will never ever leave you. Never. Ever. No matter how hard you try. Some might call that annoying. But it's a fine line between annoying and amazing, and this is firmly camped in the latter. It has a good chorus, it knows it, and it will continue to use it until the time is up. It is wise to do so. Simone here is looking up from her microphone in CU. She has luscious black '70s hair cascading in a wave. Her eye makeup is purplish, her lips similarly hued, and we can see right up her nostrils.

Nemo delivering an energetic, even gymnastic performance atop a whirligig seesaw thing. They've got curly brown hair and are wearing a coat made from pink muppets. The song is a driving whirligig in its own right, swinging from operatic falsetto to machine-gun rap to pop anthem — an autobiographical account of Nemo's own non-binary self-discovery.

#Eurovisioctober is over but we still have some gaps, so let's extend into #Eurovember, shall we? Same conceit as before but for the leftovers, which means we start with 🇨🇭, the first ever winners of the Eurovision Song Contest, and the most recent hosts.

"Free Choice" - 🇺🇦

But no. I must go with my heart. And my heart says "Svetlana, U R da best" so here we are: Svetlana Loboda's "Be My Valentine (Anti-Crisis Girl)". In an hour it will be different, but right now you are sexy bum bum.

youtu.be/rGJqLCuqssc

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

"Europe"

Ok. I need to make a selection for this huge group.

It took some thought but I've finally settled for Israel's Ofra Haza with "Khay". A lot of the above songs end up doing a very similar thing. But this one does it better.

youtu.be/44lkYUZTE70

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

"United" - YUG

…And what a glorious sleeve it is, with a splendidly capacious elbow bag. Yes, it's Luciano Capurso and Hamo Hajdarhodžić (Dubrovački trubaduri) with 1968's "Jedan dan". Brace yourselves for another amazing keychange…

youtu.be/EnmiMIbTCec

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇭🇷 cont.
I've gone for "Mama ŠČ" in which Let 3 take on warmongering authoritarianism in all its nonspecific forms using a chanting over-blown campy power-rock stomp like the soldiers of love they are.

All hail the Great Architect! 🚜

youtu.be/hGuGfdEJ5Pw

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇷🇴 cont.
Right. Now that's done…

Imagine Billy Joel and Shania Twain doing "Rock Bottom" in the club after a night at the opera and a candy pop. Well you don't have to cos Paula Seling and Ovi are here and they're "Playing with Fire":

youtu.be/J9EtMZXeQZw

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇧🇬 cont.

My dystopian melancholy of choice is Victoria's first effort, "Tears Getting Sober", somewhat appropriately from the abandoned 2020 Contest. Those haunting oohs...! [holds self in lieu of a cuddle from Equinox jumper guy]

youtu.be/uaLGbjY1UNg

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇸🇮 cont.
For my selection I've settled on 2011's "No One" by Maja Keuc. It's welding about three familiar tunes together (not least the obligatory Destiny's Child bit) to make a decent bit of bombast. Is it a classic? No. But it's fun.

youtu.be/5vqjb2OYnYs

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇸🇰 cont.

Well, I'm a sucker for a minor key... So
Katarína Hasprová's "Modlitba" just edges it. It goes a bit too conventional at times, to the point where I think I've made the wrong choice. But no; let's crack open the herb drawer:
youtu.be/WpWzLHg9Ock

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇵🇱 cont.

I've ultimately gone for neither of these things. Instead, here's Blanka with 2023's surprisingly tenacious "Solo". This song once did the Kessel Run in under three minutes. And like the Force, it may be with you. Always...

youtu.be/SEgF1aP-U1o

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇲🇹 cont.

So which of theirs am I serving you today? Well, I'm serving "Kant" by Miriana Conte: the culmination of everything Malta has been building towards all these years.

Pop a Malteser in your mouth and enjoy the performance:

youtu.be/povnGP6k0sI

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇱🇹 cont.

More than half, in fact, because my winner is from the cancelled 2020 contest: The Roop are "On Fire" here (not literally, you understand. They're way to cool to ignite)...

youtu.be/1EAUxuuu1w8

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇱🇻 cont.
Yes, it's Kenny Everett's Brainstorm with "My Star": a very un-ESC bit of dreamy '90s guitar pop with a strong chorus, sung by a stretched cartoon of Brett Anderson. An absolute landmark that even Europe scored quite well. ⭐
youtu.be/RUynGeEILsU

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇭🇺 cont.
In the end I've settled on Csaba Szigeti's moody Eurorock lighter-waver "Új név egy régi ház falán" from 1995 which is one of the catchiest examples of a sound that dominated Eurovision for a bit before the panpipes kicked in.

youtu.be/Ok86PTKzv0s

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇪🇪 cont.
My selection is the most recent one I've made so far: Tommy Cash and his earwormy "Espresso Macchiato". If nothing else it'll give you a flavour of the Estonian Eurovision mindset: straight coffee with a 'whacky' dash of milk.

youtu.be/9b9Z5HSCXOI

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇨🇿 cont.
For my selection I've gone with Mikolas Josef's "Lie to me". Imagine Kevin Clifton doing a dance to a Moldovan entry while dressed as the Eleventh Doctor. Now make him be wearing a backpack. Or you could just watch it instead:

youtu.be/w0ZUuQe0shk

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇨🇾 cont.
For my winner I've gone back to the 1990s, but it's more than just Mediterranean filler. It's a proper bathtub brew with real drama and some streaking strings zipping about the place.

Evridiki - "Eimai Anthropos Ki Ego"

youtu.be/38a3EsCpG7Y

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇸🇪 cont.
Of course, "Take Me To Your Heaven" is drawing from a deeper well: a history book repeating itself. I could be too cool for school and dismiss Abba (I certainly wouldn't put them first in '74), but come on...

ABBA: "Waterloo"
youtu.be/4XJBNJ2wq0Y

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇫🇮 cont
"Cha cha cha" is glorious. But pipped this morning by its spiritual mother: Ami Aspelund's "Fantasiaa" has a number of features echoed by Käärijä (albeit a tad more restrained). And it's also got that Crystal Maze bit. Mon Ami!

youtu.be/his_Os3J1Yk

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇦🇹 cont.
Yes, Schmetterlinge's "Boom Boom Boomerang" has been supplanted by literal spiritual successor "Who the Hell is Edgar?" by Teya & Salena. I just love this little song. Europe placed it 15th. Nothing changes.

Merci.

youtu.be/8uk64V9h0Ko

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇪🇸 cont.

With such class, it's tough to choose a favourite, but I must and I have: Salomé - "Vivo cantando". There's no "Shum" without this. It builds beautifully and Salomé shimmies ever-more wildly. Wild: that's Spain in Eurovision.

youtu.be/POj0U2W6MnE

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇵🇹 cont.
But Portugal have brought perfection more than once, and so my choice today is "Playback" by Carlos Paião and his gang of overalled Tiswas presenters. Press play on this robotic lament for talent in a world of quantized music:

youtu.be/iuWsRwPdNfU

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇬🇷 cont.

It's 1979, we're in Israel, and the Greeks have just seen "Jesus Christ Superstar". How can they make it more Greek? Where's the 'giant stapler' here?

Zombie philosophers really dig brains...

Elpida - "Sokrati (Σωκράτη)"

youtu.be/vx4Odfzrrzk

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇬🇧 cont.
But the best of British luck goes to the immortal Bryan Johnson (Teddy's brother), who's whistled away on a martial jaunt across land and sea, "Looking High High High" for the absconded love of his life. Curiously Pythonesque.

youtu.be/C2GivwSboXM

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇮🇪 cont.

But my favourite Irish entry is another exuberant little fella: the legendary Colm Wilkinson bouncing for pure joy like someone who really needs a wee. Shades of the Littlest Hobo to this one, and just as adorable as London…

youtu.be/6smufaCkKsc

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇩🇰 cont.
[sobers up from the cheesy '90s nostalgia-fest]
Yeah, ok, no, sure... It's "Disco Tango".
youtu.be/3osUz0OZEQE

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober #NoReally #YeahThisOne

🇩🇰 cont.
But for all Disco Tango's brilliance, I've eschewed it for one that didn't even get past the Semis: REDDI's "The Show". These wannabe Bangles are a bit cheesy but live up to their title. I'm a sucker for such sheer dynamic fun.
youtu.be/cVg6MpVR2Pw

#EUrOcktober #EUr0cktober #Eurovisioctober

🇱🇺 cont.
We're back to the "delightful disco ditty that's not in the medley" category, though, for my actual choice — Anne-Marie B's "Frère Jacques":
a repetitive, seductive Serge Gainsbourg / Pierre Henry-esque whirlpool of a song.

*holds self*
youtu.be/JA6kBHSE2S0

#EUrOcktober #Eurovisioctober

🇮🇹 cont.
No, not Toto, but the other host of the interminable Italia '91: Gigliola Cinquetti. My choice isn't her 1964 Sanremo/ESC winner, though. It's her Waterloo, the dreamily delicious Brighton 2nd-placer, "Si".

God, how I love it...

youtu.be/y7HnHFAJg7I?...

#EUrOcktober #Eurovisioctober