Bride Hard The only thing tougher than marriage is surviving the bachelorette party. This summer, Jennifer Lawrence stars in Bride Hard, a romantic action comedy that dares to ask: What if your maid of honor was also John Wick in heels? According to the trailer (which I’ve watched the way you watch a raccoon try to open a trash can — horrified but curious), Lawrence plays a badass bridesmaid who must fight off international terrorists at a destination wedding.

Jennifer Lawrence fights terrorists with stilettos and sass in a bridal party gone ballistic. Somewhere between Die Hard and Say Yes to the Dress.
Haven’t seen it. Read my review.
#BrideHard #HaventSeenItReviews #JLawGoesBoom #ActionWedding

The Unholy Trinity Shootouts, Gold, and Samuel L. Jackson Doing Something Weird in a Saloon The Unholy Trinity is a modern western where jealousy, buried gold, and the film rights to every shoot-’em-up cliché collide in dusty Montana. Pierce Brosnan plays Gabriel Dove, a sheriff with decent facial hair and unresolved Civil War flashbacks. Samuel L. Jackson shows up as St. Christopher, a charismatic outlaw who may or may not be improvising half his lines just to keep things interesting.

The Unholy Trinity: Pierce Brosnan’s a sheriff, Samuel L. Jackson’s causing problems, and somehow nobody’s emotionally processing a single thing.
If you were hoping for another Brokeback, this ain’t it.
Haven’t seen it. Read my review.
👉 Link in bio
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Eddington One Man. One Telescope. One Extremely Confusing Chalkboard. In Eddington, famed theoretical physicist Arthur Eddington sets out to prove Einstein’s general theory of relativity, but mostly ends up proving that British men in waistcoats will absolutely ruin your dinner party by talking about spacetime for three hours. From the trailer and the three Twitter threads I skimmed (while pretending to understand gravity), this movie appears to be a cinematic love letter to solar eclipses, dense equations, and nervous pacing in tweed.

Eddington: A movie about space, time, and Pedro Pascal being in literally everything.
Haven’t seen it. Read my review.
👉 Link in bio
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Another Simple Favor Secrets, Sequins, and the Most Casual Federal Crimes You’ll Ever See at Brunch Another Simple Favor is the sequel nobody saw coming and yet somehow completely expected. Once again, Anna Kendrick and Blake Lively return to play America’s most emotionally unstable PTA friendship — where every coffee date turns into a federal investigation. I haven’t seen it. But I’ve watched the trailer, read the headlines, and skimmed enough online think pieces titled “Is Suburban Murder Chic Now?” to confidently pretend I have.

Murder, mystery, and suspiciously perfect cocktails.
If my friends planned a destination wedding like this, I’m not going.
Haven’t seen it. Read my review.
👉 Link in bio
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Elio A Kid, Some Aliens, and Pixar’s Ongoing Mission to Emotionally Break Parents Elio is Pixar’s latest entry in their “What If Feelings Had Feelings?” cinematic universe. This time, instead of toys or emotions or the concept of death, they’ve decided to traumatize us through the lens of intergalactic diplomacy. Because nothing says “family entertainment” like a shy middle schooler accidentally becoming Earth’s ambassador to a council of extremely judgmental aliens.

Elio: An 11-year-old accidentally becomes Earth’s ambassador.
If aliens judged us based on me at 11, humanity’s doomed.
Haven’t seen it. Read my review.
🛸 Link in bio
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28 Years Later More Zombies, More Trauma, and Definitely No One’s Just “Taking a Quick Look Around” 28 Years Later is the long-awaited sequel to 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later, which makes this the third installment in a franchise where the only thing more contagious than the Rage virus is generational trauma. Danny Boyle is back directing, which means whatever happens will be beautifully filmed, emotionally devastating, and probably involve someone getting tackled through a pane of glass.

28 Years Later: The virus is back, everyone’s crying in the rain again, and society is still somehow worse than zombies.
Haven’t seen it, but I’ve already emotionally shut the blinds.
🧟 Full review
👉 Link in bio
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Predator: Killer of Killers Time-Traveling Death Alien vs. Every Warrior Hollywood Could License In Predator: Killer of Killers, the Predator franchise finally answers the question absolutely no one asked: “What if we dropped a dreadlocked space hunter into a historical re-enactment buffet?” This animated anthology film reportedly features the Predator facing off against warriors from multiple eras—Vikings, samurai, Roman soldiers, maybe a caveman with a rock and a grudge.

Predator: Killer of Killers — History’s greatest warriors vs. a space alien with a cloaking device and zero chill.
Haven’t seen it, but someone definitely loses a spine.
🛡️ Full review
👉 Link in bio
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Materialists Love, Luxury, and the Crushing Weight of Your Emotional Net Worth Materialists is a romantic comedy directed by Celine Song, which means it’s got feelings, longing, and at least one person crying in a beautifully lit room while staring at furniture they can’t afford. It stars Pedro Pascal, Dakota Johnson, and Chris Evans, which is basically Hollywood’s way of saying, “This is hot people therapy disguised as a film.”

Materialists: Rich people falling in love while emotionally spiraling in designer outerwear.
Haven’t seen it, but I’m certain someone breaks up in a Tesla.
💔 Full review
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The Phoenician Scheme Espionage, Eccentricity, and a Monologue Delivered Entirely Through Eyebrow Raises The Phoenician Scheme is the latest Wes Anderson film, which means it’s already been declared both “a masterpiece of visual symmetry” and “a crime against traditional narrative structure” depending on which corner of the internet you frequent. I haven’t seen it. But I have seen the trailer, read three think pieces, and accidentally wandered into a Reddit thread titled “Was the lemon truly a metaphor?” So I’m basically an expert.

The Phoenician Scheme: It’s espionage, but make it curated.
Haven’t seen it, but I’m 99% sure someone delivers a secret code using only eyebrow gestures.
🎩 Full review
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Juliet & Romeo Pop Ballads, Period Costumes, and the Most Emotionally Intense Key Change Since Les Mis Juliet & Romeo is what happens when Shakespeare meets Spotify. It’s a bold reimagining of the classic tragedy—except with pop music, elaborate choreography, and Rebel Wilson showing up just to make sure nobody forgets this is, in fact, a musical. This version flips the title and the ending.

Juliet & Romeo: It’s Shakespeare, but with glitter, pop songs, and fewer corpses.
They sing, they cry, they live.
Nope, haven’t seen it—but I’ve read the comments section.

💔 Full review
👉 Link in bio
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Friendship Suburban Dads, Emotional Damage, and the Most Passive-Aggressive Backyard Firepit in Cinema Friendship is a dark comedy that explores what happens when a group of adult men decide—against their better judgment—to hang out on purpose. It stars Paul Rudd, Tim Robinson, and a supporting cast of emotionally repressed dudes in flannel, cargo shorts, and the kind of sneakers you only buy after turning 40 and saying the word “arch support” unironically.

Friendship (2025): Suburban dads, deep feelings, and one very emotional game of cornhole.

It’s awkward. It’s funny. It’s probably too real.
Nope, haven’t seen it. But I’ve ghosted that group text.

🧍‍♂️ Full review
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#FriendshipMovie #HaventSeenItReviews #SadDadsUnited #PaulRuddFeelsT

Brad Pitt races cars and his feelings in F1. Pretty sure I got whiplash just watching the trailer.
Haven’t seen it. Read my review—link in bio.
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F1 Fast Cars, Loud Feelings, and Helmeted Men Staring into the Middle Distance F1 is a high-octane drama that explores what happens when you strap emotionally fragile millionaires into carbon fiber rockets and tell them to express themselves by going 200 mph in circles. It stars Brad Pitt as a retired Formula 1 legend dragged back onto the track for One Last Race™—a plot device so familiar it has its own pit crew.

F1 (2025): Brad Pitt is back behind the wheel for One Last Race™. There’s speed, sweat, and at least one emotional gearshift.

Nope, haven’t seen it. But I smell dramatic violins and engine grease.

🏁 Full review
👉 Link in bio
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