I always get lost driving on New Year's Eve. I blame the Old Lane Signs. #PUNishMint
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Did you know that if I had ordered an axe from overseas and had it shipped to my address, I would have a foreign axe sent? #PUNishMint
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A copy of “A Christmas Carol” just fell on my toe. It hurts like the Dickens! #PUNishMint
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Did you know you can send letters and even emails to people in prison? You're just not allowed to attach a file. #PUNishMint
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Forklift operators hate my puns. They find them unpalletable. #PUNishMint
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Someone took my deck of cards and glued all the cards together. I’m upset. I can’t deal with it. #PUNishMint
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The difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet is the Christmas alphabet has no L. #PUNishMint
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What did Adam say the day before Christmas? ‘It's Christmas, Eve’! #PUNishMint
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How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza? Deep pan, crisp, and even. #PUNishMint
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Do not leave a fire burning in your fireplace this Christmas Eve, or else you might wake up to a
Crisp Kringle. #PUNishMint
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Elves are always defending the shape of their ears. They make some good points. #PUNishMint
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If a gingerbread man hurts his leg, does he try icing it? #PUNishMint
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My friend went bald years ago but still carries around an old comb.
He just can’t part with it. #PUNishMint
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When I first started dating my wife, she would pick up after me, and I would pick up after her. Then one day we realized we were maid for each other. #PUNishMint
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If you’re lucky this Christmas, Santa Claus will grace you with his presents. #PUNishMint
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I knew a guy who collected candy canes. They were all in mint condition. #PUNishMint
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The fact that some people cannot distinguish between etymology and entomology bugs me in ways I can’t put into words. #PUNishMint
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I parked illegally at my podiatrist's office, so my car got toed. #PUNishMint
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The finest shoes are made of leather. My opinion will never be suede. #PUNishMint
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I just found out that actor & singer David Hasselhoff calls himself the Hoff, because it’s less Hassel. #PUNishMint
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Sirius, the dog star, is moving closer to earth at a rate of nine miles per second. This means someday we could be in Sirius trouble. #PUNishMint
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When the musician got in a car accident, his guitar was destroyed. The accident was a Fender bender. #PUNishMint
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Autocorrect makes me say things I didn’t Nintendo. #PUNishMint
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I have stockpiled a good supply of cheese and sausages in preparation for a Wurst Käse scenario. #PUNishMint
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A friend of mine gave me a sweater last week but it was full of static electricity. So I took it back, and they gave me one free of charge! #PUNishMint
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My doctor told me to cut down on sodium. He was annoyed when I took his advice with a pinch of salt. #PUNishMint
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Do not get addicted to skiing. It’s a slippery slope. I know, because I used to ski and it’s been downhill ever since! #PUNishMint
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I saw a typo on someone’s tombstone at the cemetery. It was a grave mistake. #PUNishMint
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Lost my pizza cutter, so I used my Bryan Adams CD. It cuts like a knife! #PUNishMint
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Professional chef tip: You should serve your Eggs Benedict on a chrome platter because there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise. #PUNishMint
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