A suspicious package believed to contain xenomorph eggs was intercepted and destroyed today at the orion subspace interchange. Examination of the debris indicated the items were counterfeit eggs. A piece of text on a fragment has been tentatively identified as a script used on an obscure M-class […]
The equinox is past, Easter has gone. I gather up the foil wrappings from the chocolate bilbys and take them to the compost heap. “Choook choookchook*chook*” I call as I sprinkle foil onto the heap. I also brought about a meter of magnesium strip outside—from the big roll in the laundry—and as […]
“Isn’t it a little hot for a hoodie?”
“I had to, my glamour failed at the shops and people could see my True Ears!”
“Haha my dear elf, humans do not See. You could wear full armour, ears out, leading a wyvern on a golden chain and nobody at Indooroopilly Shippingtown would notice”
“You’re […]
The first message from the Outsiders was the classical prime numbers palimpsest. After we established a working language (147 years of agonizing lightspeed back and forth) they sent us the plans for superliminal communication. Don’t get overexcited, it only propagates at 16c so it still took […]
“Something’s wrong we’re off course. Wait no, we’re ON course but far too close to our destination. Mother, did we oversleep? What’s wrong?”
«Nothing, you looked so peaceful in your cryobeds I let you sleep in. I spawned subunits to take care of maintenance and navigation while you rested.» […]
“Patch tuesday hits different since The Outbreak, you know?”
“You’re still doing weekly patches? Crikey that could be six days you’re vulnerable to a new Variant! My cousin got an extra nipple because some joker piggybacked a zero-day mRNA payload onto a batch of Coco Pops”
“I’m not doing […]
"You know, when I did my first six week introduction to programming course, the highlight of the final day was getting to use the computer"
"Hahaha, hard core!"
"Glad you think so. This interview will be conducted under Faraday Cage Rules, this laptop runs Minix 2.0 will full source code and […]
The simulant deployed to impersonate the absconded President was already failing. Guaranteed by its creators to function for three years, within three months it was visibly degrading. Confabulations, freeze-ups, nocturnal free-association ramblegrams—it became necessary to contemplate retrieving […]
Zygon Day of Visibility only comes once a year. It takes nearly that long to get the slime out of the carpets.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot
"They're headed for that small moon!"
"That's no moon---that's a starworm feeder"
"Ugh, why would anyone want to attract those?"
"The larvae aren't pretty, I'll grant you, but the moth phase is gorgeous; plus, the discarded pupa cases are high in transuranics"
#Tootfic #MicroFiction […]
“Check it out, I got a Trinitron for my new retro gaming rig. Just listen to the satisfying clunk it makes when I turn it on.” *BLONG*
“Uh, is your rig connected to the internet?”
“Duh, it’s for strea—ooof.”
“Stay down!”
“Get off me! Why did you do that?”
“The BeamGleam worm is still live […]
“You build what!?”
“Dyson spheres”
“How?”
“With a crane!”
“Wait, where do you mount the crane?”
“On our dyson sphere”
“Huh?”
“It’s just a little one, my g’grait grandma built it around a class Y brown dwarf. Since a body anywhere from one to a hundred Jupiter masses doesn’t get any bigger […]
When physicists worked out that the speed of light in a vacuum is a fixed limit *UNLESS* a civilisation has completed age verification, a vocal minority complained that there had to be a catch; what—they asked—if verification was some kind of surveillance trap?.
After we verified, the naysayers […]
“Ha, nice tinfoil hat!”
“It’s an umbrella”
“Yawhackinfut?”
“It projects a transverse gravity gradient that deflects raindrops”
“Oooh-kay, let’s presume for the moment you’re sane. It’s sunny out!”
“For now; storm later”
“Did your tinfoil hat tell you that?”
“No, stupid, my weather pixie” […]
“What can i get you?”
“Guinness Zero, please.”
“A lot of people drinking that now.”
“It’s really good. Uh, so what’s it like working in a documentary bar? Must be quieter than a sports bar and a boxing crowd”
“You’d think. Come back on Friday and watch the Cutting Edge Engineering crowd […]
NEW YORK (AP): Shares in Manhattan based SPAV “Ethereal Services LLC”—which last year acquired a number of occult-related businesses including pioneering startup Ghostbusters Inc—have been suspended from trading after the District Court of Appeals upheld a ruling that found the capture and […]
“That’s the same timber you had in the tray yesterday”
“Uh, you must have me mistaken for somebody else”
“I don’t think so. Step out of the vehicle please, I am arresting you on suspicion of operating a double-lane power vehicle without lawful excuse.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot
I’ve always treated the modern world like a marvel. I carry an imaginary 15th century peasant in my head, and when I wash a teflon pan, or take an ibuprofen, I experience their appreciation of these everyday miracles. Whenever I use a new piece of technology I mentally explain how it works. If I […]
“Wait” the bicycle said.
“Who said that?” the person holding the bolt cutters lowered them.
“My owner is a wizard,” the bicycle continued, “who is tired of losing bicycles.”
“Bicycles don’t talk” Mx bolt-cutter counterfactually replied.
“Speak the words ‘I would like a bicycle’ and you will […]
I applied that hack which resets your recorded date of birth to 1970-01-01. Now my PC is saying I have been “Selected for Carousel”. Is that like a lottery?
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot
No! Rebooting is the LAST thing you do when troubleshooting. You gather data and work through the checklist first, then make sure everything critical is backed up. That universe had nearly fourteen billion years’ uptime!
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #BonusEdition #Title_Shutdown_Now
The biannual equinoxes are the only times that the south polar access shaft—leading to the planetary engine room—can be safely navigated without the elevator car, which the late former custodian had left at the bottom. Now that we have regained access, orbital adjustment will commence as soon as […]
AI copilots can fuck right off. I’ll stick with my pack of border collies, thanks. Why just last week at Neptune dock we unloaded twice as much ore as the best performing Large Canine Model. Real dogs, real cuddles. Can’t beat ‘em.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot
“Our carbon capture and sequestration process links carbon with light elements to form a viscous liquid which can be pumped deep into the planetary crust, where it will remain indefinitely”
— decoded transliteration from a fragment of diamond memory wafer, tentatively dated 9.4x10¹⁷ ±10% […]
“Wow nice boots, they must take ages to lace up though”
“Sure did, I just unbolt my hips rather than unlace them”
“Ooooo-kay, perk of being synthetic I guess”
“It’s not all wins, I couldn’t find one of my spare legs so had to scoot round the flat on my roomba, til i finally located it” […]
“Did…did a demon write this?”
“No!”
“*Really*?”
“Avernal Intelligence is the proper term”
“Ha! I knew it.”
“What gave it away?”
“Demons write the best riffs, this bangs.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot
The message received at the FAST observatory decoded as: “Orion Arm Credit Union update: your planet currently has 1.29x10³⁷ Quark Points available. Log in to your galactinet account to claim”. We’re a little suspicious. But that’s a lot of points, what if we’re wrong?
#Tootfic #MicroFiction […]
“Furrfu, a Caesar cipher? Really? Did you learn cryptography from the back of a cereal box?”
“You misunderstand. This is not the classical cipher where each letter in your message is replaced by one three places later in the alphabet.”
“Good, because i could solve that one in my head when I […]
The Cosmology Bomb was a last-ditch hail mary tactic to defend against the machines. Fabricated on (and largely /from/) the planet Mercury, its blast radius was 8 billion km—almost fifty astronomical units—comfortably enclosing the inhabited portion of the solar system. Within the affected zone […]
Axions used to be worthless. Australia is sitting on the largest deposits of crustal dark matter on the planet, and until Higgsolysis was invented it mattered not a whit. Now there’s a land rush in the desert as prospectors lug W-boson spectrometers across a grid pattern, mapping the potential […]
