"And to continue to resist on a daily basis is an enormous challenge. Some nights, I only see morbid things the moment I close my eyes, often death itself. Those nights – most nights – I am scared to fall asleep. Other nights, I see nothing. The void inside morphs into a thick black curtain, covering over the cherished moments I shared with Him. I try to remember his face, but I can’t. I could look at his pictures, but I can’t do that either, without feeling suffocated that is. I know that I had a past, but I no longer know who I am. Or better, I no longer no who I’ve become. And I don’t always know what’s the purpose of life, why I keep fighting. After all, at least that’s what I tend to believe, to resist cannot be the sole purpose of life. Could it?"
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umutozkirimli.substack.com/p/the-partisan