Way too much sexiness to be a monster film unless they'd gone with a sexy monster, and they didn't. Way too little monster to be a monster movie done in a sexy way. 2/10 they sure did put some scenes in an order
#BigfootVsDBCooper
TIL Bigfoot-ness spreads like lycanthropy
Sorry, DB.
Really wish the titular conflict lasted more than 30 seconds though
#BigfootVsDBCooper
Nope, Bigfoot and Protagonist-kun are different people! And now he's... murdering DB Cooper. I suppose sky pirates are also hostis humani generis.
#BigfootVsDBCooper
DB Cooper finally meets our protagonist! They were working together? And Protagonist-kun attacked one of the other dudes? Is this implying he's dressing up as Bigfoot to assault people?
#BigfootVsDBCooper
Bigfoot claims another victim! And yeah, this is totally softcore. Fast forwarding through it, in large part because it's so heccin awkward.
#BigfootVsDBCooper
I should mention, in addition to the pacing being terrible, the audio and acting are also terrible. I suspect it's another case of using models as actors.
#BigfootVsDBCooper
Oh no! Straight boy is slumped over asleep by the tub! I think he's meant to be dead, but the film so far leads me to believe he's simply exhausted.
Except now Bigfoot's punching out one of the gay boys who returned early from turkey hunting. Bigfoot, you're giving some mixed signals here […]
Bigfoot, Home Invader! He just can't resist the smell of straight boys.
#BigfootVsDBCooper
Back to DB Cooper for a moment! And then a coot in a pond? And then turkey hunting. This movie doesn't want to spend a single spare second on Cooper.
#BigfootVsDBCooper
Nope, the dude who didn't go hunting is not just stripping down to his bare skin, he's got a sexy solo shower scene. This is particularly uncomfortable to me.
#BigfootVsDBCooper
Oh no, we're really going to get a separate four minute interlude for each guy to strip down to his underpants and pose in front of a mirror with a gun.
One of the guys isn't going hunting, so we might cut it short at five.
#BigfootVsDBCooper
Oh, there's Bigfoot! He didn't catch on about the whole posing nearly naked thing until Guy Number Three started on it, and now he's enjoying the show.
Or maybe he's enjoying the print of Magritte's _The Son of Man_ that Dude 3 is posing in front of? Who can tell.
#BigfootVsDBCooper
Heck, I wonder what DB Cooper is up to. We saw him for one scene and that was a fair bit ago.
But no, we just get a bunch of hunks stripping and posing, then getting dressed again.
#BigfootVsDBCooper
Now we have a second dude in his underwear posing in front of a mirror with a firearm.
I wonder what the monster is up to.
#BigfootVsDBCooper
Oh no, dude is posing in front of a mirror in sheer underwear, pretending to shoot things with an actual rifle. Firearms safety failure! Jail for director for One Thousand Films!
#BigfootVsDBCooper
Topless men in backpacks. So much chafing!
#BigfootVsDBCooper
They couldn't afford an actual airplane set, so they set up Cooper in a chair against a wall and put the camera in tight, hoping we wouldn't notice.
#BigfootVsDBCooper
I'm watching Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper and it is slow.
The monster shows up early, at least as growling and POV shots. But there are so many shots of shirtless men jogging. That's gotta be half the movie so far.
#BigfootVsDBCooper
