"You once said I most of all am the one you must guard your tongue with," Emi said, clutching the sweater tighter around her as a breeze cut between them. "I asked you if I may know why. You said no, which frankly tracks for someone who had just said he can't speak openly with me." She stared up into the familiar gray eyes, firm and unyielding. "The thing is, the longer you do this, the longer you push me away, push Aymeric and Haurchefant away, the worse it gets." The air stilled and she took a step closer. "You think you're protecting us, protecting me. You're -- You're terrified of being rash. Of saying something you can't take back," her voice wavered. She knew she was crossing the line he had drawn. There would be no going back from this; the bridge was burning with them on it and she was the one that had dropped the match at their feet. Her brows narrowed and her eyes locked his in a challenge. "So you've left me with no choice. I have to be the one to do it. If I'm risking losing you either way, either in a slow long painful self-destructive spiral, or by backing you into a corner and speaking all of the things I've held in so long it's destroying *me* too, then I..." Another step forward. They were half a fulm apart now, the light breeze dancing around them instead. Coercing them together. Her hands dropped from her cardigan, no longer needed as she was greeted by his warmth. "I choose this. Because I can no longer stand back and pretend, no longer dance around on eggshells to keep you from leaping away like a terrified coeurl the moment things become too real." This time, when she moved forward, the tips of their boots collided. Any space left between them now was arbitrary. She felt the air tense around him, the first sign that she had gone too far. There was no time left, she had to move now.
Emi's hand reached out and found his. "Let me carry this with you, Estinien. If you don't, you will lose me forever. I can no longer watch as you plummet to the ground in a tailspin. I won't do it. I am willing to follow you down into whatever darkness you crash into, but I know it won't help either of us, if you're already this defensive." His hand tightened in hers, but he didn't pull away. She reached across with her free hand, pulling his up with both of hers and removing the glove. He tensed, and she held stronger, as if to reassure him that it was what she wanted. She leaned forward, turning his hand over in hers. Tracing the lines of his palm, she memorized the scars, working up the final bit of courage she needed. And then she brought her lips down and kissed the biggest scar that ran the length of his hand. It was searing, and she could feel every fiber of him beneath her warring between the instinct to pull away - the fear that had taken root - and the small part of him that eased, that reached for her. That wanted to stay. "You see me," came his voice at last. Rough, strained, and barely audible, but there. Emi lifted her head and tilted, her eyes wide in confusion. She opened her mouth to ask what he meant, but froze when she saw how *unguarded* his face had become. Fear and longing mixed in one harmonious expression borne of something she couldn't name. He repeated himself when he saw the question writ on her face. "You see me."
Fully upright again, she stared into his eyes, willing the Echo or *anything* to let her in. So focused she was that she was startled when suddenly the flames licked at her face as his hand held her. Somewhere distant, she felt the same warmth on her shoulder, then trailing to her upper arm where his other hand came to rest. "When you asked me before," Estinien started again, voice still edged with roughness but more certain now. "If you may know why I cannot speak or act freely around you. The reason I said no." He closed his eyes, finding strength as he inhaled. "Tis because you see me. In a way I've not been seen since Aymeric, mayhap even ever. Past the fear, the grief, the scars of mistakes past and mistakes not yet made." The hand at her cheek moved, pushing the loose hair threatening her eyes out of her face. "You are what I cannot suffer to harm, to lose, lest I lose the one person with which I feel any manner of peace. Tis why I take great pains around you." One of Emi's hands rose to meet his, to cover the one holding her hair in place. "I... I didn't know," she whispered. "Twas by design. I did not want you to. You carry enough." Trying not to smile, she leaned forward and pressed her head into the midpoint of his chest. She felt his hands slide from the side of her head to the back, from her arm to her shoulders. Holding her in, despite everything. Her own hands snaked around his waist and clung tight to his tunic. "*Bakayaro*," she whispered into him, closing her eyes and easing into the warmth, the flames which did not burn her.
007 • burn down my house
ficlet from a shared au, might post this on ao3 one day might not (bc i will feel the need to over explain what is going on) anyway cheers have some self indulgent fluff from a very angst-heavy au
#ffxiv #ffxivwriters #wolstinien #emistinien #wysau
