It's the neighbor kids birthday and I'm invited. Chainsaw or twelve pack of throwing knives. What are five year olds into these days anyway?
#joke #parentoftheyear #birthday
0
0
0
0
Hashtag
#parentOfTheYear
Advertisement · 728 × 90
If you're out and about with a baby, and you need to mix up some formula, vending machine bottled water is an okay substitute for filtered water. Just don't use Bawls caffeinated water. Yeah, just don't.
#joke #parentoftheyear #bawls
0
0
0
0
Despite what nobody ever said, baby formula is not an 'okay' substitute when making waffles.
#joke #parentoftheyear #babyformula
0
0
0
0
#ParentOfTheYear (complimentary)
2
0
0
0
I was told I looked comfy when I had the baby in the papoose. I responded with, "Let's just say I have a deeper appreciation for seahorses."
#joke #parentoftheyear #seahorse
0
0
0
0
My kid has a phobia, or at least anxiety, about showering. They'll do whatever they can to just take a bath instead. Apparently, it goes all the way back to early childhood, where we told them to take a shower.
#parentoftheyear
0
0
1
0
If I've learned anything, since becoming a father, the best way to start the day is with a brisk nap.
#parentoftheyear #nap
0
0
0
0
The reason some babies take forever to burp is that they're just in it for the massage.
#joke #parentoftheyear
They also don't tip.
0
0
0
0
5 yo: Why hasn't the time changed on my watch?
14 yo: Because it takes 60 seconds, give or take.
Being a smart ass is genetic.
#parentoftheyear
0
0
0
0
Parent Thoughts:
Thank you for not waiting three days to poop.
#parentoftheyear
0
0
0
0
When babysitting, it's best to ask the parents good questions. Bedtime, snacks, and what level and type of horror their kid's allowed to watch.
#joke #parentoftheyear #horror
0
0
0
0
The best part of having a kid with you when shopping is that nobody questions why you're buying goldfish crackers, frosted flakes, and chocolate milk.
In bulk. At Costco.
Again.
#joke #parentoftheyear
0
0
0
0
The upside to teaching baby sign language, the baby has an effective way to communicate its needs and wants. The downside is that you have to stare at them all the time, just in case they have a need or want.
#joke #parentoftheyear
0
0
0
0
There aren't many things that scare me. I've been shot at. I've worked a toy store during Christmas. I've even gone to a comic con. But, you don't know fear until a baby passes gas while you're trying to get a clean diaper under them.
Parents know.
#joke #parentoftheyear
1
0
0
0
I always thought those baby dolls that wet were not very realistic. Pour in water and it leaks out immediately. And the doll smells funny after a while.
It's only when you have a baby, do you realize just how accurate it is.
Including the smell.
#joke #parentoftheyear
0
0
0
0
Getting my kid to help with housework by loading him up on Mountain Dew and blasting Daft Punk #ParentOfTheYear
0
0
0
0
Having a child changes you. Instead of being grumpy when I found the toilet not flushed, I thought, "Well, at least they wiped."
#joke #parentoftheyear
0
0
0
0
Being a writer is a lot like bring a parent, it all comes from you, you have a good idea of how you want it to go, and it almost never goes the way you want.
#joke #parentoftheyear #writing
0
0
0
0
Kids are out on holiday so I spent the afternoon playing #CookieRun Braverse with the Cookie Run Kingdom soundtrack playing in the background.
I’m ready to accept my #ParentOfTheYear award any time, just lmk.
1
0
0
0
The reason little kids constantly headbutt their dads in the crotch is to even out the pain moms go through during birth.
#joke #parentoftheyear #pregnancy
0
0
0
0
Crossed an item off of my parenting bucket list tonight: Have kids taste unsweetened baking chocolate.
The faces they made were priceless. #ParentOfTheYear
3
0
1
0
Moja žena pracuje v pôrodnici. Dnes tam mali bábätko, ktorému mama dala meno Bonnie Blue.
#parentoftheyear
4
0
2
0
THE POINT poster
A scene from THE POINT
A scene from THE POINT
Showing my toddler 1971's THE POINT, with original songs by Harry Nillson. Children love Harry Nillson. #parentoftheyear
2
0
0
0
my 7 year old just searched for “noob, pro, hacker, god” on youtube kids #parentoftheyear
0
0
0
0
'Proud to announce that I'm letting little Nathan go wild on X. Every 10 year old should be exposed to real life.'
#Grindset #Goals #ParentOfTheYear
0
0
0
0
Good job bringing your kids from one violent monster to an even more sinister violent monster.
#parentoftheyear
0
0
0
0
My daughter asked why the show is called “the secret lives of Mormon wives” and I told her I’d explain it to her if she wanted to learn about SEO or the Protestant secular.
#parentoftheyear
22
2
0
1
The last bit was especially nice since this was full-on, take-out-all-of-the-things security. And by all, they mean all!
(Okay, so I needed somewhere to put him after carrying him through the WTMD, #parentoftheyear)
#travelthread
0
0
1
0
Last night there was an Amber alert and my kids asked what that meant. I was doing something and quickly said it means a kid might have been kidnapped…they spent the next 15 minutes panicking about a kidnapper on the loose. #parentoftheyear
0
0
0
0