Biggest gift for an abuser are the ‘defenders’. The abuser doesn’t have to do anything but sit back and watch the show while others do the abusing for them.
#perpetrator101
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The correct spelling for TDS is DARVO
#perpetrator101
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“Oh poor me” the universal mantra of an abuser.
#perpetrator101
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When you give an abuser power, don’t be shocked when they use it to be cruel.
#perpetrator101
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“They were always nice to me” watch to see what that tells us about the perpetrator and the person saying that.
#perpetrator101 #believesurvivors
youtube.com/shorts/P8H16...
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Daily reminder: Whatever you’ve been told a perpetrator has done is probably only a very small fraction of what they’ve actually done.
#perpetrator101 #listentosurvivors
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You can’t explain to a perpetrator that what they’re doing is wrong - because they already know it. They are not just choosing to do it, but they’re enjoying it.
#perpetrator101
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Calling out an abuser for ‘breaking the rules’ doesn’t work because the abuser makes the rules and changes them at will. Because it was never about the rules - it is always about control.
#perpetrator101
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The worst place to be when you’re sick is with an abuser. They will put on a show when anyone is looking and turn your sickness into their ‘oh poor me’ story. If children are involved it becomes a chance for them to have complete power and control.
#perpetrator101
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Daily reminder: Abusers know they are above the law because they know no one will do anything about it.
#perpetrator101
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Daily reminder: Whatever you’ve been told a perpetrator has done is probably only a small fraction of what they’ve actually done.
#perpetrator101 #listentosurvivors
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Perpetrators observe what other abusers do, say, and get away with, and use it as a training manual. Right now those manuals are filling up quickly.
#perpetrator101
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When an abuser says “I love you” what they mean is they love controlling you.
#perpetrator101 #abuseisnotlove
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Victims become the villain in every abuser’s hero story.
#perpetrator101
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Whenever a perpetrator releases something they’ve previously kept hidden you know they now feel confident that what they needed to erase and cover up is erased and covered up.
#perpetrator101
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Perpetrators are creative storytellers that can manipulate everything for them to be the victim and hero.
#perpetrator101
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We need to stop excusing the heinous actions of perpetrators with ‘hurt people, hurt people’ and instead realize that cruel people enjoy being cruel.
#perpetrator101
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Abusers twist everything to their advantage. We watch it happen daily.
#perpetrator101
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
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Please stop laughing at abusive inappropriate “jokes’ made at someone’s expense. Show the person the joke is directed at that it’s not funny and you’ll stand up to their abuser and say that.
#notfunny #itsabuse #perpetrator101
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Daily reminder: Many perpetrators will donate to causes, be on boards or even run non profits, and be on your ‘prevention’ teams. They are skilled manipulators.
#perpetrator101
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Daily reminder: Whatever you’ve been told a perpetrator has done is probably only a small fraction of what they’ve actually done.
#perpetrator101
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You can’t explain to an abuser how much they are hurting you or their children because they already know it and are choosing to do it.
#perpetrator101
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
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Perpetrators observe what other abusers do, say, and get away with, and use it as a training manual.
#perpetrator101
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Perpetrator ‘stories’ have a recurring theme - “oh poor me”
#perpetrator101
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Perpetrators are always both the victim and the hero in all their stories.
#perpetrator101
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A person doesn’t lie to you ‘for your own good’. They lie to you for their own good.
#perpetrator101 #coercivecontrol #adoptee
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We need to stop excusing the heinous actions of perpetrators with ‘hurt people, hurt people’ and instead realize that cruel people enjoy being cruel.
#perpetrator101
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
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Perpetrators only care about winning - not about the people.
#perpetrator101
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For the perpetrator, you pointing out their crimes is always the greater sin than them committing the crimes.
#perpetrator101
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Marriage counselors are easily swayed by a perpetrator’s tears. All he had to do was start crying and the counselor was over there comforting him knowing the pain he’d caused me and his children.
#perpetrator101
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