News We Regretfully Didn’t Publish

Rejected headline of the week:
“Area Woman Organizes Protest Against Her Closet After It ‘Swallowed Her Favorite Pants Again.’”

Our legal team asked us to sit this one out.

#RejectedHeadlines #AlmostNews #TheWinkReport

Top 10 Monster Flavors That Make Me Momentarily Forget All the Times My Dad Called Me a Pussy For Not Doing Lines With Him
#rejectedheadlines

New Rule: Bill Maher Should Be Kept in a Dungeon in the Mountains of West Virginia Where He's Only Fed Scraps of Varmint Innards Until He Knocks the Bullshit Off #rejectedheadlines #satire #andykindler