I just want to say “thank you” to all the Canadians out there who put their names forward and ran as candidates for public office in yesterday’s election. Even if only 343 of you won your races, you all get a prize for making sure that democracy was on the ballot.
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No time for politics with all the Nazis I gotta shoot in WOLFENSTEIN II: THE NEW COLOSSUS, OUT NOW. #SponsoredTweet #butbluesky
The most subversive part about my new hit song, "I Want to Do It" is that "It" refers to saving money on my car insurance. #SponsoredTweet
“Blurb magazine is fantastic!” #sponsoredtweet
Get Burt’s Bees lip balm the hell away from me and my lips. #sponsoredtweet
What am I doing for Thanksgiving this year? Why you better believe I’m using ChapStick! #sponsoredtweet
HAZELNUT BUTTER FILLED @ClifBar OR GTFO!!!
(This is not a #SponsoredTweet, I just really love them)
This Matt and Kim show is the horniest piece of children’s theatre I’ve ever seen, and for some reason I really wanna buy a Buick now. #SponsoredTweet
If you’re having gum problems I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 problems but thanks to Paradontax toothpaste, bloody toothbrush spit ain’t one. #sponsoredtweet
My mom cannot stop raving about the heart pills she got in her LootCrate Senior! #SponsoredTweet
TONKA! #sponsoredtweet
If this Never Not Funny episode is to be believed, @joshgondelman is also charming and funny up off of Twitter too. #sponsoredtweet
@bricebeckham did I wreck it? #NyQuil #sponsoredtweet
Hal and Mark have a thing or something. #sponsoredtweet
Avocados went from 4/$5 to 10/$10 and yeah it's a better deal but who's tryna commit to 10 avocados #SponsoredTweet
What does Kurt Russell have to do to host Saturday Night Live? #sponsoredtweet
#SponsoredTweet RT @clintonyates: um, what. wow. RT @Pharrell We need more women like @murielbowser in leadership. http://bit.ly/1tmUeqp
Great service and food from @bellognoccouk at the Real Food Market just now - so great, this is verging on a #sponsoredtweet ;)
YOU: Righteous cut-offs, bro.
ME: Oh these old things? I picked ‘em up at the Jorts Authority.
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It's been a year. I hope I never have to move. #SponsoredTweet (via @time... timehop.com/c/t:265358973132214272:1...
Stride really nailed this Mom-flavored gum. Tastes just like hand lotion and mood stabilizers. #SponsoredTweet
Ruffles is my dog, not chips. That last one was not a #SponsoredTweet. This one is, though.
Ruffles: Get RIDGE of Hunger
If you get high on the OTHER 4:20 and say "Bloody Mary" into a mirror a spectral woman appears and eats your 4th Meal. #SponsoredTweet
I knew my phone was old, but it just tried to autocorrect "stabbings" into "StabbingWestwardBand" #TheFacultySoundtrack #SponsoredTweet
I just bought a Wendy's Junior Bacon Cheeseburger from a man in a bar for two Jamaican dollars. This actually happened. #SponsoredTweet
