Been an ENTIRE WEEK since I've turned 35 and it's been a great start to my mid-thirties 😘

#thirtyfifthyear #septemberbaby #virgo ♍

Dread remains. I keep looking For a thing I can’t name, though I try “Purpose,” “meaning,” “presence.” I circle my worst fear in life, which is my life: What to do with it, how to shape it, and so on. It’s something like a tiger circling a cage Inside a cage that I circle. It’s a privilege, I know. Still, I can’t land on a five-year plan So I return text messages and look For doors: to the laundry room, The basement, the self. I ask questions I can manage—How may I be of service?— And questions I can’t—Why are we here? Do “you” think of “us” as “here” “together”? I try a new city every two to four years, Then complain about a lack of continuity, Of roots. Every morning, I stretch out On my foam roller, make a protein shake, And take a shot of apple cider vinegar To lower my A1C. I moisturize. I sip tea. At night, when my body begs for a range Of macronutrients, I stretch out across The couch and eat a handful of jellybeans, A domestic glamour shot, with anything

On Netflix that runs long enough to be The background noise I need to avoid Returning to those questions, or looking For the name of the thing I’m looking for. And what I can’t understand is that I know A dear older friend was right to remind me, once, Though it’s returned to me again and again And again: You are actually very good at joy—

#charifshanahan #thirtyfifthyear #poetry #poems