On her death bed, James’ ma used to talk about how tired she had spent her life being, how waking up every morning felt heavier and heavier until one day, soon after she married his pa, she woke up and burst out weeping, and she could not stop.
She told him that she had laid in bed and wept until she was too exhausted to weep, that she had fallen asleep, soaked with her own tears and matted with sweat, and had woken up and wept more. She laid there, crying hysterically until his pa had come home and found her there, still in her night clothes, the skin of her face red and raw from wiping tears away, her lips chapped, and her body shuddering uncontrollably with every fresh round of sobs.
Only when his pa got into bed with her and wrapped her up in his arms, surrounded her with his warm body and squeezed her tight, had she at last been able to stop.
She’d been so young on that death bed—only five and forty—and James only two and twenty, holding her frail, cold hand between his own, forcing himself not to weep in front of her as she told him stories. Near the end, it was the only time he saw light in her milky, exhausted eyes.
There had been something wrong with her for as long as he could remember. She had tried to love him, nonetheless. She had been as kind as she could, raising him and his younger brother all on her own. She had moments, like any parent, but she had held on as long as she could, as tired as she was, until there was nothing at all left to hold onto, her body wasted away, squeezing down around her soul.
For a few years, the worst sound he had ever heard was the sound of her choking on her last breaths. Then came the war, and James heard worse sounds.
I have nothing concrete to show for this #WIPWednesday, so take a piece that may or may not ever see the light of day.
#mmerotica #queererotica #transmascauthor #eroticromance #darkomance #darkerrotica
![There’s nothing actually inside of him, just Sam’s programming tricking his brain by manipulating his senses, like an extremely vivid daydream, so sophisticated it’s indistinguishable from reality.
The studies on the previous people who received implants are incomplete in that they never really sought the thoughts or opinions of the subjects, but Keith wonders if it was like this for them, too. Maybe they went insane because reality became dull and meaningless next to what the things in their heads could offer them. He could see that.
“Keith,” Sam scolds, voice breathless and gravely in his ear. “That’s a really fucked up thing to think while I’m [CENSOR] deep inside you.”
Keith shrugs his shoulders and smiles. “[CENSOR] me faster, then,” he suggests. “[CENSOR] me so hard I can’t think anything at all.”
The world around him fades away as he drowns in the best sex he’s ever had, lying in bed with a man who can literally give him anything he wants. He [CENSOR] so hard that he [CENSOR], hips jumping under Sam’s non-existent weight as he shouts the other man’s name as he [CENSOR], hands clawing down his sweaty back.
Afterwards, as he lays on top of a towel he put down for the puddle he made, looking at Sam, stroking through his hair, he wonders if Sam made himself a body that he thought Keith might like.
“Well, I can’t say I didn’t consider that,” Sam confesses, peeling open one heavy lid, eyelashes shadowing his iris. “But it just felt right, really.”
Somehow, that’s a much more terrifying answer.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:hntvuvrjdbo3gxcvnsj6u4on/bafkreibw4xbhbwirhq454mxcavut3lcchsv5xgiedmtcm2jpnw6abnnj2q)
![it feels almost impossible to pull away, and Esen has to grit his teeth and take a deep breath before giving Kenji a parting kiss and breathing out, “Okay. I have to get back before Ash comes looking for me.”
“I’ll be up for a while,” Kenji answers, pulling his hand out of Esen’s pants to smack him on the ass. “So come see me later tonight.”
Esen swallows and nods, then finishes disposing of the pizza trash before heading back up to Ash’s bedroom where he finds the other man all snuggled up under the covers, looking cozy and ready for bed. Good.
“Got it nice and warm for you,” Ash tells him, wiggling his eyebrows comically and pulling the blanket up to show off the spot he’s clearly made for Esen, who can’t help but burst out laughing.
He grabs his PJs and toothbrush and heads off to the bathroom, where he changes, stalwartly ignoring the cool bathroom air on his [censored], needy [censored], and brushes his teeth. By the time he gets back, Ash’s already half-asleep, head drooping comically onto his arm. He doesn’t even open his eyes as Esen crawls into bed with him, grabbing his phone and keeping the brightness the lowest it goes as Ash snuggles up next to him, snoring within minutes. Still, Esen stays in bed, reading a book off his phone, until enough time has passed that Ash’s deep in his sleep cycle and unlikely to wake up if Esen slips away, which, of course, is exactly what he does.
It's only been about 45 minutes, so when he slips out of bed, he heads right down to the kitchen and finds his boyfriend hasn’t moved, still sitting at the kitchen island, watching videos on his phone and sipping some kind of amber liquor out of a fancy glass.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:hntvuvrjdbo3gxcvnsj6u4on/bafkreifsmvs2ioc4emgbgdhmuw24rts6qgfb5eeflwwlzzbkuu3wc5l4ay)
![He finds [Kenji] in the living room, clearly trying to look like he was watching TV, a pinched look on his face. Conscious of the fact Ash could come down the stairs at any moment, Esen sits himself down a respectable distance from Kenji and grins, leaning towards him.
“Ash has a crush on me.”
Kenji clearly tries to look like he isn’t panicking about this tidbit of information at all as he opens and closes his mouth several times before settling on “Is that so?” without looking away from the TV, as if staring at the screen magically made it such that Esen can’t read his facial expressions.
“Mmhm. That’s why he invited me over. He just tried to make a move on me.”
That gets Kenji’s eyes off the TV. “You didn’t-” he squeaks and Esen laughs.
“Why? Would you be jealous if I had?”
Kenji makes a face at him. “You’re teasing me,” he grumbles. “Making me worry you’ll trade me in for the younger, fitter model because you’re a total brat.”
“Rude,” Esen gasps, still smiling. “Well, don’t worry. I’m not interested. I guess he has the same taste in men as you, do, though.”
“What, twinky jerks who think it’s funny to raise an old man’s blood pressure?”
Esen leans in a little closer, voice growing quieter. “Now, now,” he purrs out. “You know well enough I’m no twink, and it’s not your blood pressure I’m interested in raising.”](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:hntvuvrjdbo3gxcvnsj6u4on/bafkreifst4vzb3x4hwlvnie32n4u2p3rm324az7kqxzqgizvbhjumkz4ci)
