it's weird spending thanksgiving alone. it was always such a vibrant holiday in my family. now that we've splintered, i end up spending the time on my own. i miss the vibrant times but have come to appreciate the solitude as well, if a little lonely.

my other car is a labubu

#labubu #bumpersticker

everything feels empty

awake again too early. i keep falling asleep around 10 so i end up getting enough sleep, it's just all broken up. 10-4 is still 6 hours so it's ok i guess. i suppose this is aging. i hit 40 and was suddenly old. up early, disrupted sleep, pain all the time (physical, mental, existential). #sleep

watching this movie for the umpteenth time (i have long lost count). at least it is a good movie. #kpdh

brought to you by #ocd and #adhd

oh man, i've definitely been drinking too much caffeine bc i didn't have any until like 5pm and my MASSIVE headache has now turned in a smol, manageable headache. whoops. on top of maybe another sinus infection. my teeth hurt.

my body is rebelling and everything hurts

it's 5pm and pitch black

i hate chronic illness and winter

boo.

this feels like one very long anxiety attack

i don't know which Me to be today

fucking around with new doses of meds has my head feeling screwy

i have many things to do and no desire to do them

current events are getting to me more than i'd like, even if it is basically a reasonable amount of concern

how do we go about our daily lives? what does that even mean now? none of this is normal

even mostly stable, my mood dx's go haywire

at least my current hyperfixation has good music. totally normal to watch a movie on average 4 times a day right? :))) (well watch and have playing in the background)

too much and not enough

we love #ocd and #adhd

#kpdh

Gutted by the Dems caving after the blue-wave wins of last week? Sick & tired of us snatching defeat from the jaws of victory? I hear you! Might I suggest you calm yourself, relax, take a deep, cleansing breath... then see if this photo of 2 pandas cuddling is of any help.

went from therapy with psych, to a tiny break, to a session with my therapist. total 90 minutes of discussing my brain. it's only noon. i should not have to face reality AND myself so early in the day and for so loooooong. #mentalillness controls my life, even when i'm good i work to maintain

it's too early again. i have to start staying up later. feeling old.

my AP (anti psychotic), when we push up the dose, makes the extra trains of thought go quiet. it's very weird to start with a dozen simultaneous thoughts and then shift to having only 1 maybe 2 trains of thought. i feel dull. ive grown so accustomed to the noise, it feels normal but i know it isn't

im bored but i think it's bc i doubled my AP to counteract some OCD stuff, and i'm not used to having only 1 train of thought. i feel dull lol

oh man felt deeply. i always tell ppl it's like having closed doors in my head and i don't have the key and i can't choose to have the key, something will just open it one day

can't even do what you want to do, yep. ocd is fun!!!! /s

IC 1805 Heart Nebula
244 minutes integration HOO with 60m RGB stars
2-11-2025
ASI 585 MC and ASI 294 MC Pro

#astronomy #astrophotography

man that's so true. it ruins things! after these episodes i usually can't consume/interact with what i was obsessed with for quite a while

so my #OCD has me replaying #kpopdemonhunters over and over and over. it's frustrating bc when i play something else, my brain and body rebel and everything feels *wrong*. those of you with ocd/adhd/audhd might understand? when the movie ends i almost always start it over immediately. send help! 😭

awake again, too early tho not as early as yesterday thankfully. tbf i went to be at like 9:30 last night so i got over 7 hours. still sleepy but can't stay asleep. par for the course. i did a fair amount of physical labor yesterday and since i have a broken body that has a massive impact

i have stuff to do and it's only 5 am. gonna have a long day i think

woke up ruminating about old sadnesses too

watching kpop demon hunters again and wondering if, in the future, we will feel it is so dated bc everything the girls wear is cropped

i long for the day when crop tops go out of style. i want my shirts back thank you

my homies, i am so tired

i'm getting pretty good at opposite action (dbt skill) and it comes more naturally these days. today i didn't want to clean, so instead i got up and took a shower. then since i was up and dressed, i felt more inclined to clean up. when i'm depressed this is much harder, but the skill def helps

I've gotten used to being alone. Probably not a great thing, but here we are. Ppl leave or I shutdown and can't come up with things to say, or am stuck and can't say anything due to anxiety or ocd or something like that. #mentalillness is not for the faint of heart

"You're too much and not enough."
- Gwi-ma to Zoey

I relate to this so hard. I have always felt that way.

#kpdh #kpopdemonhunters #feelings #bipolar

i wish he had spoken out some more last year. he was quiet for a long time, i suspect bc they didn't know what to do about biden but still. he could have said more about drumpf.

THAT SAID: i love this man and everything he says is amazing

maybe someday my #OCD will release me from needing to watch #KPOPdemonhunters but today is not that day

i have to have watched this movie at least 20 times in the last couple of weeks alone. not to mention listening to the soundtrack as well

#adhd is not helping this!! talk about hyperfixation

i read a devastating story about the flooding here in NYC yesterday and i am just gutted by one of the stories. i wont' repeat it bc it is just very, very sad. i knew that amt of rain would be dangerous.

but climate change isn't real right?

*rolls eyes*