Next month: the US strikes Greenland and it somehow ends with Trump giving Alaska to Denmark.

Had to try and remove a duplo chicken from the bath drainage system this morning using a plumbing snake & metal kebab skewers heated to pierce the bird. Operation Kebab was successful at 0730. All crews returned safely to base. Thank you for your attention in this matter!

Not “board” - what Trump actually said was “bored” of peace

Hahahahaha what on God’s green earth is the point of Keir Starmer. Surely as soon as the local elections are over he’s gone. An utter disaster

Because he’s doing such a fantastic job running the UK and has so much spare time

I went to a very cool artsy party a year or so ago where they had St John claret in boxes - disappointed to discover they don't sell it any more. Anyone got good recommendations for really quite decent red wine in boxes? #WetJanuary

Trump’s buckling under the pressure

AI-Generated Reviews of AI-Generated Actor’s Tilly Norwood’s AI-Generated Movies “An ‘AI actor’ named Tilly Norwood has been causing a stir after its Dutch creators said the synthetic performer is in talks with talent agencies.”...

AI-GENERATED REVIEWS OF AI-GENERATED ACTOR’S TILLY NORWOOD’S AI-GENERATED MOVIES

A comic masterpiece

www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ai-...

Perfect

The government is blowing £30 billion to transfer the Chagos Islands to Mauritius. Keir Starmer is compromising national security at vast cost.

This will aid Chinese strategic interests in the Indian Ocean.

A betrayal of national interests, conducted without transparency or democratic mandate.

FBI Agent goes public with Russian intelligence operation that hooked Musk and Theil A former FBI special agent is currently out on $100,000 bond after being arrested for attempting to expose what he described as a covert Russian intelligence campaign to gain influence over leading Am...

FBI Agent goes public with Russian intelligence operation that hooked Musk and Theil

The GRU successfully cultivated relationships with high-profile Silicon Valley billionaires, using a combination of flattery, backchannel political access, & kompromat.
kyivinsider.com/fbi-agent-go...

You know what an American pope means: on top of your donation at mass you’ll be expected to give a >20% tip.

Douglas Adams foresaw AI

This India v Pakistan conflict would simply not have started if Trump was president.

Wow! So cute

medium.com/@rupertmyers...

Conclave II: White Smoke Rising.
"Habemus Vengeance"

Pope Francis is gone. A radical, a reformer, a shepherd to those on the margins. Whatever you believed, he believed in love.

Requiescat in pace.

Incredibly sound life advice in the form of a nice proverb I just stumbled across

Today we were two

When tariffs make you on-shore manufacturing you haven’t done in decades

The nation expects every man to do their duty

They are *not* taking these tariffs lying down on the McDonald Islands

10% tariffs on Britain isn’t the brexit benefit we were promised (still no trade deal!), it’s a slap in the face Brexiters are desperately telling you isn’t so bad because the guy next to you is getting kicked in the nuts

Today I announce tariffs on the following:
People who chew with their mouth open: 100%
People who say “Ec cetera”: 75%
Nuns, cricketers, & church organists: 0%
Restaurants that ask you if you’re familiar with their concept: 50%
Svalbard: 200%
Regents Park cyclists: 1000%

Excited to announce a new podcast entirely produced by AI: combining CEO mindset insights & nutrition advice from the most notorious manfluencer of all time: the Iron WillCast combines generative AI with the maximum hustle mentality of none other than Adolf Hitler #IronWillCast

Sky News Press Preview | Sunday 23 March YouTube video by Sky News

Full segment: www.youtube.com/live/1b3xslM...

Talking about the political difficulties posed by the cost of illegal migrants while the labour government undertakes austerity on Sky News