"Thanks, mum, for paying off the person making credible accusations of sexual assault against my brother"

That sort of tribute?

Olly Robbins is about to give evidence, so watch this soar.

I shall, like the Beautiful South, carry on regardless.

If anyone is getting rid of any pebbles or large stones could you please massage me. I need them for my new wildlife pond x Can collect anytime & pay if they’re not free lol!

Our local Facebook group has its own unique way of soliciting massages!

Happy Birthday, and here's to many more.

That was a busted flush. Oh well, onwards and upwards: I can't wait to begin a new role as Kier Starmer's communications advisor. Wish me luck!

FWIW I don't think Starmer has *technically* done anything wrong, but appointing Mandelson was a monumentally terrible misjudgement. I suspect he did the old trick of not asking questions because deep down he already knew the answers.

It's survivable - just - but his credibility is damaged.

How about breakfast afterwards instead?

As indeed evidenced in their cover of Couldn't Get It Right.

Hurry up! 😂

No #ComboverHour tonight and, although I do love a bit of snooker, I'll secretly miss #CallMyBluff and Frank Muir's incredible variety of bow ties. Ah well.

That's really wonderful, thanks for sharing.

I quite like my job and the people I work with, but I *really* did not want to go back today after the most incredible two weeks off. So to ease the pain I've just ordered a big fat unhealthy takeaway, and if that's wrong then I don't want to be right.

Come again?

I'm a bit deaf....

I understand that sometimes they repeat the same track four times in one session, but that seems unlikely to me.

Are you implying I'm some sort of big hunt? Or do my ears need a clean?

Oh they're good. I heard them supporting Toby LeRone and the Chip Shop Two back in the day.

My favourite kind of post! Makes a change from bills...

Dorito Prawn Cracker got cancelled then?

I don't think I've ever had a more enjoyable portion of fish and chips in my life.

Whitstable in the beautiful April sunshine.

Or, to give it it's proper name, The Tally Ho!

Nurse! He's out of bed again!

I'd actually prefer that. At least then I'd smell like a fish shop, rather than an actual fish.

Imagine how annoyed I'd be if, hypothetically, I'd just put on a brand new white shirt then utterly drenched myself in pond water.

Happy Saturday, everyone.

I think half of BlueSky is asking the same question.

Will Keir Starmer resi... oh sorry not that one. Which dress did you choose in the end?

Yo Sushi sounds like a 90s own-brand midi system.

Yo! Sushi, on the other hand....

I haven't, but I can see the signs a mile off. The menace in his voice. The contempt for his interlocutor. The body language. He's pure evil.

Was there ever a career resurgence as spectacular and successful as Tom Jones?

A largely-forgotten crooner with a safe Vegas residency, completely reinvented and elevated to proper legend status.

#TOTP #NotTOTP #PrinceAtTheBBC

Was it just me, or were all four episodes of #TOTP strangely flat this week? Anyway, no matter, we struggled through valiantly. Same old jokes next week, after we've all switched on at 7 forgetting about the snooker?