What countries developed this theory? The Peoples Republic of Nofuckingshitistan and the United States of No Doy?

My favorite part of snowboarding in the Winter Olympics is that the athletes complete feats of unparalleled balance, focus, and strength...and that they do it all while wearing the same pants as the Goth Kid who loved Rob Zombie in my Middle School.

Me, when I take some of my kids' Christmas Candy the moment they turn their backs.

8 years ago, Bobby Diac rolled up looking like all of THIS and then was immediately fired. What a day that was.

I have long maintained that 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' is the 1992 Dream Team of Millennial heart throbs, but I think 'The Faculty' might be the 1996 team?

I just involuntarily listened to back to back Macklemore songs. Is this...am I washed?!?

Google wants their Diet Mountain Lightning-ass storebrand Matt Damon to teach me about AI.

You ever hear someone's laugh and know exactly what their teeth look like, even if you can't see them?

When Jalen Carter spits on your quarterback, we call that Dak Tuah. #MNF #NFL

I mean, are the last two related or....

Somewhere, Tom Brady is smiling. Well, at least, he's trying. That Botox and his fillers make it VERY difficult...

#ChapelBill

TCU now leads UNC by 27.

"I mean, it's not THAT big of a gap." - Bill Belichick

#ChapelBill

When they release your Ring Cam footage:
#UNCvsTCU #CollegeFootball #BillBelichick

Please note, this reference is approximately 233 years old. And so am I.

Archie Wilson should call his left foot Betty and his right foot Veronica. Real ones know: Archie doesn't have to choose, fam! He gets both.

#Huskers #GBR

"Left foot Iggy
Right foot Azalea
Down under brings the thunder
From Nebraska to Australia!"

- a line from my upcoming rap track about Archie Wilson
#Huskers #GBR

Me, every time I tell our 13-year-old a story about how good Burkhead was. #Huskers #GBR

The police have released a sketch of the victim of the theft, one Charles Entertainment Cheese.

BigXThaPlug reminds me so much of Mike Jones that dude's phone number is probably 281-330-8803.

Quick, someone get Mark Daigneault onto Chet's shoulders so he can measure the height of the hoops at Gainbridge Fieldhouse. It's OKC's only hope.

Endlessly annoyed that Kevin Hart is wearing two fucking watches during one of his 322 commercials during the NBA Finals? Me too.

I hope, at least, that it was a barbershop?

Jannik Sinner out here looking like Rusty Griswold with a tennis raquet.

**song

Bob Dylan - Hurricane (Official Audio) YouTube video by BobDylanVEVO

Never forget: the first season of a true crime podcast was actually a son by Bob Dylan that goes SUPER hard.

youtu.be/bpZvg_FjL3Q?...

There's only one man I would trust with making sure Donald Trump's bribe-jet from Qatar is safe. This noted plane inspector:

There are few more chaotic and unpredictable races than when kids toe the line for a middle school hurdle race. It's absolutely full of more plot twists and insanity than an HBO limited series.

Chicago Pontiff, or as we Midwesterners would call him: Ope Leo XIV.

Pope Leo the 18-But-Barely:

Very excited for the moment when Pope Leo XIV decides to canonize William The Refrigerator Perry.