just remember, if your football team loses today, it's 100% bc you didn't wear the right shirt you dumb fuck how could you

Forced perspective of astors nose. A white borzoi

Logging on. Boop #AstorTheDisaster

All of our hotel rooms have Bibles. We underlined the dirty parts for your convenience.

‘The Onion’ Stands With Israel Because It Seems Like You Get In Less Trouble For That The past week has shown humanity at its worst: A horrific terrorist attack left at least 1,300 Israelis dead, among them peace activists and even innocent children. The fates of many more kidnapped ...

Let us be clear: This is a fraught moment, and one that has polarized not only Americans but people all over the world. It demands incredible sensitivity and strict adherence to journalistic standards of objectivity, and simply put, that is something we aren’t willing to do.

Once every six months I have to write a check and am reminded I got a little pizza guy on my checks to make me laugh

knock this website all you want but I just realized I haven’t heard what Glenn Greenwald thinks about anything for months

So much work.

I now have coffee in my sinuses. Worth it.

adult poo slippers bamalam adult poo slippers bamalam poo slippers had a child bamalam damn thing gone wild bamalam

bamalam

Honestly if anyone deserves to be in the White House it’s Commander. He’s making power moves and not taking any shit, he gets the vibe

Marriage is like a marathon.

I’m not gonna run a fucking marathon.

if it makes you feel any better most of your student loan money went to a football coach

Screenshot of fox business story with first three words of the headline crossed out. ECONOMY • Updated on October 2, 2023 11:45am EDT UAW Strike against Ford, GM, Stellantis cost US economy nearly $4B so far Labor union's strike against Detroit's Big Three enters third week as losses mount By Breck Dumas | FOXBusiness It now reads: “Ford, GM, Stellantis cost US economy nearly $4B so far”

fixed it for you

That’s clearly a fur hat but nice try.

you can call literally anything “liminal” and everyone has to nod sagely and agree, it’s the law

(me making fun of your crop rotation idea and thereby holding our people back another 5000 years) jeff thinks the beans have to take turns lmao

Don’t you just love it when the worst people eat their own?

Sure, Kevin McCarthy may have humiliated himself for Trump. Yes, it took him 15 tries to become Speaker. And, of course, he had to beg the dumbest, most racist people in Congress to vote for him. But on the bright side, he ended up with absolutely nothing.

I mean I assume the next person to be Speaker will be much worse, since that’s how it works now

kevin james looking cheeky in the norman rockwell painting with the guy standing up to bravely say something

her: did you spend all afternoon editing kevin james into that norman rockwell painting?

me:

Kevin McCarthy being prematurely cocky.

😬

The difference between the migrant cosplaying cowboy and the migrants rounded up to form a human zoo for his pleasure is that the rounded-up migrants would like to pay taxes. They may also like to hang out with their kids.

I think the best response I've seen to AI anything has been, "Why should I bother reading something that nobody could be bothered to write"

Does he have a bible verse tattooed under his foot?

they bury feinstien’s interns with her like they did for the pharaohs

Just been pointed out to me that he was likely coming from Texas Children’s Hospital right down the street so as far as I’m concerned my man here is the real deal.

For the record, I will not tolerate anyone making fun of this man. Absolute bright spot in my otherwise terrible day.

Jedi waiting for the train to pass in the Texas Medical Center, Houston. Yep…a Jedi…robes and all.

Same Jedi, robes flowing as Jedi robes should.

Y’all…I found a Jedi. How was your day?

Gangs of London lol

I’ll get in on this.