Working on an explosive Onion Article
"Patel and Vance feud after Patel makes drunken sexual advances towards Vance's couch"
(Exclusive tell-all interview with Couch)

#JEdgarBoozer has a lotta’ splaining to do
Rep. Raskin sent a letter seeking a sworn statement
“These glimpses of your relationship to alcohol would be alarming to see in an FBI agent; for us to see them in the FBI Director himself is shocking"
www.rawstory.com/kash-patel-2...
#FireKashPatel

I have an expose for #TheOnion
"Patel and Vance feud after Patel makes drunken sexual advances towards Vance's couch"
(Exclusive tell-all interview with Couch)
#InfoWars

Hot Take:
Caitlyn Jenner can go fuck herself in the ass with her own dick. You KNEW this shit would happen, you just had the balls to think it wouldn't happen to you.

Joe Rogan is 58. RFK Jr is 72. They both do psychedelics and look like 2 miles of bad road coated in dog shit. So do what you want, but I'm saying No to Drugs.

a man in a suit and tie is standing in a parking lot ALT: a man in a suit and tie is standing in a parking lot

I propose we refer to the vp as JV Dance, bc let's face it, he'll ALWAYS be Junior Varsity, acting like he can dance to the music.
Humbly submitted to @stephaniemiller.bsky.social @silversmith1.bsky.social @johnfugelsang.bsky.social @bobcesca.bsky.social @jodyhamilton.bsky.social @dailybeanspod.com

I see you NWGA. Change is coming!!! Finish the fight in November.

So THAT'S what the raccoon penis was for...

I'm trying my hand at unfortunate fortunes.
*Ahem*

Your ship has come in. It's a dinghy. On a trailer. Covered in barnacles. Missing an oar. Tennis ball size hole in the bow. Best to keep it out of the water.

a man in a suit stands in front of a window with blinds ALT: a man in a suit stands in front of a window with blinds

Whatever finally gets those annoying GNC ads off TV

two men in suits and ties are sitting at a table with the caption what would you say you do here ? ALT: two men in suits and ties are sitting at a table with the caption what would you say you do here ?

I understand these guys are meeting with Kash Patel Monday morning.
Might be some breaking news by end of week for @stephaniemiller.bsky.social, @dailybeanspod.com, and @bobcesca.bsky.social 🤞🤞🤞
#OfficeSpace

From the Book of Michael:
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion

Hey Todd, you're gonna want to make sure you secure all your records, files, phone logs, etc.. I have a feeling this time next year you're gonna be on the Hill, answering some very serious questions.

Well, in the president's defense (can't believe I typed that), he is probably correct that he turns @jessicatarlov.bsky.social off.

But Sue, Raccoon Penis is the new cure-all of Westernized Eastern Medicine.
Also, as an aside to Joe Rogan's Plasmapheresis, I hear there's a new article in the QWCK Journal of Bromedicine that putting leeches on the scrotum will make get rid of all the bad swimmers, and make one better in bed.

And thus it is Thursday, and the Out of Touch-ness begins.

Tomodachi Life: Living the Thursday!

Same. But I feel like waiting for that would be a fool's errand.

a man with long hair and a beard says you won t ALT: a man with long hair and a beard says you won t

Alright, MAGATs, we handled our business. Now your turn. Do it

Every once in a while, I like to watch this video clip of Joe Biden comforting a grieving Parkland family to remind myself what compassionate leadership looks like.

This is the stuff I truly miss.

Stephen Miller: I found out how to get rid of the Epstein Files Story. War with Iran!
Trump: Great!
Melania: I deednt know or partee weeth Epsteen
Miller: