Why Your Words Don’t Reach Him | The Shame Raincoat It's not your fault that your words don't get through. Your husband carries something called a shame raincoat. Every affirmation, every positive thing you say hits that raincoat and washes away. Not because your words are wrong. Because the shame keeps telling him he's broken. That raincoat doesn't come off in contact with you. It comes off when he connects with other men who say "I've been there." Not men who make his behavior okay.

Why Your Words Don’t Reach Him | The Shame Raincoat

It's not your fault that your words don't get through. Your husband carries something called a shame raincoat. Every affirmation, every positive thing you say hits that raincoat and washes away. Not because your words are wrong. Because the shame…

Why Your Words Don’t Reach Him | The Shame Raincoat It's not your fault that your words don't get through. Your husband carries something called a shame raincoat. Every affirmation, every positive thing you say hits that raincoat and washes away. Not because your words are wrong. Because the shame keeps telling him he's broken. That raincoat doesn't come off in contact with you. It comes off when he connects with other men who say "I've been there." Not men who make his behavior okay.

Why Your Words Don’t Reach Him | The Shame Raincoat

It's not your fault that your words don't get through. Your husband carries something called a shame raincoat. Every affirmation, every positive thing you say hits that raincoat and washes away. Not because your words are wrong. Because the shame…

We’re Changing Direction. Here’s Why. After six seasons, things are changing - and we want to tell you why before you hear it somewhere else. In this video we're announcing three things: First, we're officially launching The C.U.R.E.™ Method - our trademarked framework for addiction recovery and betrayal trauma. C.U.R.E. stands for Calm, Unbind, Reckon, and Embrace. We walk through what each stage looks like for the addict, the betrayed wife, and the couple.

We’re Changing Direction. Here’s Why.

After six seasons, things are changing - and we want to tell you why before you hear it somewhere else. In this video we're announcing three things: First, we're officially launching The C.U.R.E.™ Method - our trademarked framework for addiction recovery and…

9 Things Addicts Wish Wives Knew (But Rarely Say Out Loud) If you've ever thought "if he really loved me, he wouldn't have done this" — this video is for you. We asked Jay — a recovered addict and betrayal trauma mentor — to say out loud the things most addicted husbands never explain to their wives. Not excuses. Not deflection. Just the truth about what's actually happening inside a man who keeps hurting the person he claims to love.

9 Things Addicts Wish Wives Knew (But Rarely Say Out Loud)

If you've ever thought "if he really loved me, he wouldn't have done this" — this video is for you. We asked Jay — a recovered addict and betrayal trauma mentor — to say out loud the things most addicted husbands never explain to their…

MY SHAME over Looking Bad MADE ME the BAD Guy Have you ever brought your pain to your husband, only to be told "you're shaming me" — and did the conversation end right there? In this episode, Jay admits on camera that he knowingly used shame as a tactic to shut Lori down. Not because she was attacking him. But because it worked. We walk through 8 QUESTIONS about how shame operates in addiction and betrayal trauma — including the difference between legitimate shame that leads to change and illegitimate shame that becomes a hiding place.

MY SHAME over Looking Bad MADE ME the BAD Guy

Have you ever brought your pain to your husband, only to be told "you're shaming me" — and did the conversation end right there? In this episode, Jay admits on camera that he knowingly used shame as a tactic to shut Lori down. Not because she was…

EMPATHY DOES NOT ALWAYS WORK (what actually changed me) "Did my own empathy actually make it easier for you to keep lying?” In this episode, Jay answers 10 hard questions about the hidden dynamics of deception in their marriage. We dive into: •DECEPTION DELIGHT Why some addicts pride themselves on the "high" of hiding the truth. •EXPLOSIVE FIGHTS: When Jay exploded during every fight, was it used as a tactic to shut down the conversation and avoid consequences.

EMPATHY DOES NOT ALWAYS WORK (what actually changed me)

"Did my own empathy actually make it easier for you to keep lying?” In this episode, Jay answers 10 hard questions about the hidden dynamics of deception in their marriage. We dive into: •DECEPTION DELIGHT Why some addicts pride themselves on…

I Seemed Like a GOOD GUY. I WASN’T. (My Lying Created a Monster) The "Good Guy" act was the very thing making me a monster. In this episode, Jay and Lori discuss the "reckoning" that happens when an addict finally stops managing their image. For years, Jay tried to convince himself and everyone else that he was just a "guy who liked porn", but the reality was much darker. We discuss: The "Monster" Paradox: How the effort to not look like a monster is actually what makes you one.

I Seemed Like a GOOD GUY. I WASN’T. (My Lying Created a Monster)

The "Good Guy" act was the very thing making me a monster. In this episode, Jay and Lori discuss the "reckoning" that happens when an addict finally stops managing their image. For years, Jay tried to convince himself and everyone…

"I need help."

These are the three most difficult words for men to say, especially to their wives/partners.

Why?

Soft Accountability Didn’t Work (And I Liked It) – 6.17S I used to go to meetings where we spent 5 minutes on sobriety and 55 minutes shooting the breeze. The truth? I liked it that way. In this video, we expose the 'Good Old Boy' network and why comfort is the enemy of real change. In this episode, Jay and Lori dive into the "soft accountability" trap that many men fall into.

Soft Accountability Didn’t Work (And I Liked It) – 6.17S

I used to go to meetings where we spent 5 minutes on sobriety and 55 minutes shooting the breeze. The truth? I liked it that way. In this video, we expose the 'Good Old Boy' network and why comfort is the enemy of real change. In this…

Just Different Levels of Enemies (The Mindset That Kept Him Using) After 28 years, I finally understand the mind-pretzel logic that kept my husband stuck in addiction: "Everyone leaves because I'm fundamentally broken, so I might as well use porn. But you're NOT allowed to point out my brokenness, or YOU'RE the bad one." In this episode, we break down Jay's Plan A, B, and C - and why he never planned for the one where I could agree with him about his flaws without him exploding or expecting me to leave.

Just Different Levels of Enemies (The Mindset That Kept Him Using)

After 28 years, I finally understand the mind-pretzel logic that kept my husband stuck in addiction: "Everyone leaves because I'm fundamentally broken, so I might as well use porn. But you're NOT allowed to point out my brokenness,…

She’s the ENEMY (and I’M AN ABUSER so I dominated her) "The one I thought you were gonna say is: she's the enemy." For years, Jay didn't just lie to me about his addiction. He lied to himself about WHO I was. And those lies kept him stuck in porn for decades. The 5 lies addicts believe about their wives: She's the enemy - Anyone who sees a crack in the mask must be stopped and hushed…

She’s the ENEMY (and I’M AN ABUSER so I dominated her)

"The one I thought you were gonna say is: she's the enemy." For years, Jay didn't just lie to me about his addiction. He lied to himself about WHO I was. And those lies kept him stuck in porn for decades. The 5 lies addicts believe about their…

How I FAKED RECOVERY (My PURPOSE in life is to BE ENTERTAINED) How did Jay pretend to change when he really hadn't? In this episode, Lori asks 11 HARD QUESTIONS to uncover the difference between performing recovery and experiencing true, internal transformation. Jay answers honestly about the exhausting cycle of surface-level change: • REHEARSING the "right" answers just to get Lori "off his back" and his prayers becoming "robotic". • How he engaged in "SPIRITUAL OLYMPICS” to throw everyone off—including himself.

How I FAKED RECOVERY (My PURPOSE in life is to BE ENTERTAINED)

How did Jay pretend to change when he really hadn't? In this episode, Lori asks 11 HARD QUESTIONS to uncover the difference between performing recovery and experiencing true, internal transformation. Jay answers honestly about the…

I Had to Shut Her Up to KEEP LYING (addiction HARDENED MY HEART) I have that photograph of Christmas. That kid saw so many possibilities. I think he would've looked at me and said: wait, you're 38 years older than me and you're still doing the same stuff I'm doing? That sucks." This might be the most heartbreaking conversation we've ever recorded. Jay looks back at 11 moments when his heart hardened - and the younger version of himself that got left behind.

I Had to Shut Her Up to KEEP LYING (addiction HARDENED MY HEART)

I have that photograph of Christmas. That kid saw so many possibilities. I think he would've looked at me and said: wait, you're 38 years older than me and you're still doing the same stuff I'm doing? That sucks." This might be the…

When She Stops Crying it SCARES ME MORE (how I REALLY felt when she cried) The opposite of love is something OTHER THAN HATE. And when Lori stopped crying? That's when Jay finally got scared. In this raw 26-minute conversation, Lori ask Jay 12 Questions about what really went through his mind when he saw her crying over his betrayal. His answers reveal the uncomfortable truth about damaged empathy, hardened hearts, and why Lori’s silence terrified him MORE than her tears ever did.

When She Stops Crying it SCARES ME MORE (how I REALLY felt when she cried)

The opposite of love is something OTHER THAN HATE. And when Lori stopped crying? That's when Jay finally got scared. In this raw 26-minute conversation, Lori ask Jay 12 Questions about what really went through his mind when…

Did You Think I WAS TOO WEAK to Leave? (What Addicts Think Abt Consequences) HONEST QUESTION: Did you ever think 'SHE'LL NEVER LEAVE ME, so I can keep doing this'? Most partners wonder if their addict secretly believed they could get away with it forever. In this brutally honest conversation, Jay answers questions that keeps betrayed spouses up at night, including: DID YOU THINK I WAS TOO WEAK TO LEAVE? His answer might surprise you.

Did You Think I WAS TOO WEAK to Leave? (What Addicts Think Abt Consequences)

HONEST QUESTION: Did you ever think 'SHE'LL NEVER LEAVE ME, so I can keep doing this'? Most partners wonder if their addict secretly believed they could get away with it forever. In this brutally honest conversation, Jay…

What I Expected Her to Just GET OVER (I Was SO WRONG) – When addicts first get caught, most expect their partner to just move on: “I'm sorry! I quit! let's never talk about this again!” But here's the brutal truth: that mindset destroys any chance of real healing. In this raw conversation, Jay reveals what he expected Lori to just get over shortly after D-Day, and why that expectation was completely backwards. We break down:

What I Expected Her to Just GET OVER (I Was SO WRONG) –

When addicts first get caught, most expect their partner to just move on: “I'm sorry! I quit! let's never talk about this again!” But here's the brutal truth: that mindset destroys any chance of real healing. In this raw conversation, Jay…

HOW I HID My Porn Use while “In Recovery” (every LYING TACTIC) – 6.09S Jay explains many deception tactics he used to hide his addiction. From robotic denials to fake confusion, playing dumb to calculated outbursts, this video exposes the manipulation patterns that betrayed partners recognize but often can't prove. It also covers: -Specific moments Lori caught him using these tactics -Addicts’ delusions and brain fog -Calculated timing of confessions -Partial truths If you're a betrayed partner questioning your sanity or an addict wondering how long your tactics will work, this conversation will open your eyes.

HOW I HID My Porn Use while “In Recovery” (every LYING TACTIC) – 6.09S

Jay explains many deception tactics he used to hide his addiction. From robotic denials to fake confusion, playing dumb to calculated outbursts, this video exposes the manipulation patterns that betrayed partners recognize but…

The Emotions I Refused to Face (addicts run from these things) – 6.08S In this compelling episode, we tackle the challenging subject of emotional avoidance and addiction recovery. Jay opens up about his struggles with feelings of abandonment, insecurity, and boredom, which led him to turn to porn. We discuss the importance of facing these emotions head-on, rather than fleeing from them, as well as HEALTHIER coping mechanisms and the significance of accepting, rather than resisting, life's emotional…

The Emotions I Refused to Face (addicts run from these things) – 6.08S

In this compelling episode, we tackle the challenging subject of emotional avoidance and addiction recovery. Jay opens up about his struggles with feelings of abandonment, insecurity, and boredom, which led him to turn to porn.…

Trauma is like a concussion, you can't see it, and it can happen in a lot of different ways. Healing a concussion is not an exact science it is a process.

Trauma is a concussion on the soul. It takes different paths and requires a unique approach each time.

#recovery #pornaddiction #cptsd

The strongest people I've ever met were in recovery meetings. They faced their demons and showed up.

"Surrender is not about outcomes but about trust that God is God and I am not."

This quote can be found in Henri Nouwen's book "The Way of the Heart".

STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING, THIS IS IMPORTANT

If you have never owned a cat, you need to know:

1. They know every pressure point on the human body
2. The paw of an adult cat produces 1.5 kilotons of discomfort

You've been WARNED!!!!
#catsky #cats #caturday

The difference between a request and a demand is how the other person handles your "no."

If it feels like they won't let the thing go, it is probably a demand.

Dan, I have to say, I admire you and the process you are sharing with others.

Having been a runner most of my life, it still sucks sometimes.

You've made it sound inviting and fun, and I've never watched a single video to get that impression.

#makingexercisefun

The least, the lost, the lonely. 'Nuff said.

@aliciaandrz.bsky.social, I think the AA principle of attraction can be done by attractive books and websites. We are not obligated to keep our recovery secret, but that of others.

Addiction is "Toxic self-centeredness manifested in obsession and compulsion."
From AA Neal

#recovery #addiction

“Do not hesitate to love and to love deeply. You might be afraid of the pain that deep love can cause. When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply.”

This quote is from his book “The Inner Voice of Love”

NGL it's a hard path sometimes.