I asked the nursing supervisor what sort of milking was going on, like was it snakes for anti-venom?

And she said no, it was for mothers who were pumping breastmilk that didn't have enough nutrients or something, so they could analyze it. But they do have a snake milking facility down the road.

I just drove over an hour to a pathology lab to pick up a fetus, and on one of the doors inside the lab was a sign that said "privacy please, milking in progress."

I thought of him.

children of the corn where the little girl is lookout and characters have to make a break for it and she waits until the coast is clear and then yells for them to go, like yelling "nobody's looking, nobody's looking!" And they have to book it across the street like bitch are you fucking kidding me

RFK Jr is the most open in expressing his desire to kill as many people as he can. You have to give him that.

A still from "Clarissa Explains It All," where 12 year old Sam is climbing through 12 year old Clarissa's window at night. Caption: are we just going to ignore the fact that this dude would constantly climb through Clarissa's window in the middle of the night? Because if I were doing that as a teen to see some girl it would not be a family friendly show.

This just reminded me of the time I handed a cup of my 12 year old pee to a grown man through the bars of my window, taking his 50 bucks and thinking "I'm going to be so rich when I grow up"

bro they're playing your leitmotif pizzicato. there's a slow clarinet lurking beneath it. you better not be about to betray me right now i swear to god bro

i love the musical oklahoma specifically for the side plot where the short king is begging his gf not to cuck him and she’s like “idk bro that’s like a HUGE ask”

What's the easiest 5/5 stars you've ever given to a movie? #filmsky

Bf: "And actually there are more like 100 episodes because there are supplemental ones if you support the Patreon, which I do. And you kinda need em to understand all the jokes."

Bf: "Since I'm watching Twin Peaks for you, will you listen to this podcast I love that only has 50 episodes?"

Me: "How long are the episodes?"

Bf, lying: "About 90 minutes each?"

Me: "Well, I AM making you watch Twin Peaks."

we worked so hard on this, nights and weekends, trying our best to do a good job for the American people

Well I didn't like the new headphones I bought so I just raw dogged the treadmill uphill for an hour whispering all of the lyrics to the first act of Cats

That's how I seduced my first college professor.

I wore my Laura Palmer cameo necklace to work and someone was like "Oh is that your loved one? Is that someone you've lost?"

And I was like "I miss her every day."

*setting up a body in the chapel*

Me: "Is he... *making the sign of the cross* You know?"

Work Partner: "A christian??"

The funeral equivalent of a Karen: Griefzilla.

She's here 5 hours early bitching about the fountain out front smelling like reclaimed water and chlorine... Babe it's a fountain.

Also she hates our carpets.

Chose this chapel but came early to say hates the carpets.

Ain't even 8am.

Kanye tweets Broooos please no00ooo so much 3:33 PM • 6/5/25 • 181K Views We love you both

Not the broooos 😂 😆

This could be us but you playin

Yes. Blonde werewolf Spader FTW 😩🤌🤌🤌

Text printed on the side of a red brown shipping container including the text “33.2 CU. M.

Cum shipping container
Holds 33.2 cum

I love to make fun of people for watching ASMR videos but I also just watched elderly Patagonians brush lye into linens on river rocks for 30 minutes

“It feels good to know that if you’re here, you must be fine.”

🥹

I've never seen Vampire in Brooklyn, but looking at the poster, I think it's the hottest Eddie Murphy has ever looked.

Crying Selena Gomez meme, pixelated

Bought a new dress to wear to a friend's wedding next month.

She posts engagement photos. Same dress.

I'd never seen any of the Final Destination movies until last night, when I was persuaded to skip the first and start with the sequel.

Today the garbage disposal acted up and you better believe I was elbow deep in it, ranting about that damn movie the entire time.

"Help me step-death I'm stuck"

Got really excited driving past the Five Below cause I thought the basketballs were pumpkins.

I am sad to report that it is not Halloween yet and my eyes are bad.

Nathan Fielder as Sully, listening to bring me to life on his iPod

Interns (33M, 25F) have been blasting nu metal in the back of house for 2 days. On one hand I want to make fun of them, on the other, "Bring Me to Life" just came on and the first thing to pop out of my mouth was "did you know the chorus is exactly 23 seconds long"

Family member of the deceased who "belly danced in NYC for 40 years" swears it wasn't her who told my boss that I moonlight as a stripper. I said "jokes on whoever did it, the venn diagram of dancers and morticians is a circle. We call ourselves undertaker-offers."

Also: My boss already knows.

A dark haired white man with a mustache grips a dark haired white woman by the throat. She grips him by the wrist, looking into his eyes, and he is looking at her mouth. Viewed from the side, both are wearing cream colored late 1930s attire.

Reading The Reformatory on a break in between embalmings, thinking about a particular Ralph Fiennes' death scene in Sunshine (not the Danny Boyle). I went to look it up and was reminded that he grips bisexual icon Rachel Weisz by the throat at some point so obviously I have to watch it again.

Hell yeah, I love Air Supply.