From #LasVegas to #Hawaii to #SanDiego our small #globe #trotting trip is coming to an end. Back to #reality.

#ProfessionalVacationers #Travel

Is this winning? Because I'm really fucking tired of winning...

#Idiots

#NightCapWithWinstonTheCat
#CatsOfBluesky

#DadJoke

Little One, 5: Will you cuddle for a few minutes?
Me: Absolutely!
LO: Can I have a hug?
Me: Sure!
LO, in a quiet voice: I just need a little squeeze.
Me: *Gladly complies*

LO: RIPS SERIOUS ASS ALL OVER MY STOMACH
Also LO: *cackles maniacally*

F'in kids, man.
#Parenting

Gray cat with smile

My old man
#CatsOfBluesky

Dear Morons Who Voted For Tarrifs,

#FuckingToldYouSo

Pediatrician: So I've got news.
Me: *Please don't be Covid. Please don't be Covid.*
Ped: It's not Covid!
Me: Well that's a relief!
Ped: Your house is sick with strep AND the flu!
Me: ...that's certainly...news....

#Facebook deleted ✔️
#Instagram deleted ✔️
#Meta deleted ✔️
#Amazon subscriptions cancelled

Onto new e-readers and #HomeAutomation !

What are you spending on your #kids #birthday parties? Venue, food, cake, gift bags, etc. #Dad of a soon-to-be-6-year-old is struggling with how much it should cost.
#Parenting

Is it too late to start counting down?

#OneThousandFourHundredFiftySeven #ShitShowCountdown

I appreciate the response! You've officially sold me

This. All this. Without the 'lol'.

5 yo: Pepper the Dog is snoring.
Me: She sure does that.
5 yo: DAD! SHE'S A WIZARD! SHE'S SLEEPING WITH HER EYES OPEN!

#Parenting #ParentingWin #Wizards #DogWizards? #GayDad #NerdDad #DadNerd

#HomeAssistant - worth the learning curve and initial start up price? I want Bezos, Zuck, and Musk out of my house.

Me: Good news! We BOTH get to work from home today!
5 yo: I'll need an office.
Me: ...I don't even have an office...
5 yo: I'm a little better at my job.
Me: Oh? What's your job?
5 yo: Eating apples and cheese sticks.
Me: Touché...

#KidsAmIRight #SoftBurn #Parenting #ToddlerDad

If you fail to understand how a merit-based society disproportionately benefits certain groups while excluding many many others, you are not a safe person.

Learn. Grow. Become a safe person.

#SafeSpace #BLM #EqualityOverTransactionalMerit

If you cannot understand why some of your friends and family are feeling overwhelmed and anxious, you are not a safe person.

Learn. Grow. Become a safe person.

#SafeSpace #ProtectTransRights #TransRightsAreHumanRights

#WTAF #America

We decided to spend some time in the snow today than sitting around and watch democracy die.

#Parenting

Planning a trip to #LasVegas, #Hawaii, and #SanDiego with a 6-year old in June. Tips, tricks, or must-sees welcome!

#Travel #Parenting

Thank you, TikTok, for publishing your thank-you message. It's always nice when unsafe people and entities announce themselves.

#NotGoingBack #TikTokBan

HBD!

#FuckingToldYouSo

#BillsMafia