The only good thing about reform is that they're consolidating red and blue Tory racists into a single party and splitting the unionist vote. It would still be nice if they had a chip pan fire, though.

He waits until the dog's asleep and tries again, but it wakes up and goes for him. After a few days, a beautiful blonde woman gets washed up on the beach and he can't believe his luck. As she approaches he says "thank christ you're here. Can you distract the dog.'

A man gets stranded on an island with a pig and a dog. After a while he starts to develop 'feelings' for the pig and decides to have a go. The dog gets jealous and snaps at him...

Recently I've been enjoying audiobooks while I work. Currently listening to Guards! Guards! by Terry Pratchett. I love Discworld. #discworld #terrypratchett

Can we have a Scotland that provides a donkey, a monkey and a Labrador to anyone that wants them?

I've now got more followers here than 15 years on twitter. I must have changed my aftershave.

Thanks, Margaret. I've added those. 🙂

Thanks for the follows, folks. I wish there was a 'follow all' option. If I miss anyone, please let me know.