Thank you! I'm okay now. It was actually a bullet wound (!) from a few weeks ago, which set me back a bit with RevPit and other projects. Thanks for your patience everyone ❤️

Yes, I will! I'm behind schedule this week due to an injury but I'll be emailing soon.

Editor Hannah Kate Kelley @kelleyeditorial.bsky.social has chosen THE BLOOD OF ZELLANDINE (YA Fantasy) by Ellen Sanazaro @lkchopin.bsky.social as runner-up #RevPit

Editor Hannah Kate Kelley @kelleyeditorial.bsky.social will work with Kirsten Liedl on NOT A WITCH (YA Fantasy) #RevPit

That's all for now!

Q20: Polished query and good comps. Compelling stakes. What kind of secrets does the MC trade? Is there a romance, as suggested? If so, who is it with?

P20: Opening pages pull me in. Got a good sense of MC and worldbuilding. Feels immersive. Def a book I’d read.

Q19: Logline interested me, but pitch too short. Be more specific. What activities is MC restricted from? Expand on external plot. Who is MC trying to save and why? How does external plot draw out inner conflict?

P19: Good writing. Would love stronger hint of MC want.

Q18: Spooky premise. I’m not sure what catalyst is for MC to reinvestigate. Needing new purpose? An unexpected reminder of past? And why is victim’s BFF suspect?

P18: Story starts too late, I think. Readers might want more insight into MC’s current life before jumping into such an intense part.

Q17: Adventurous premise. Not sure first paragraph is necessary. How does MC arrive in new place? What are stakes if MC’s truth is exposed to team?

P17: I would back story up so that readers see MC’s life before new realm. More backstory about their life would help show contrast in new reality.

Q16: Solid comps. Steep stakes. Why does inciting incident change MC’s views on violence? What did they think of their profession before?

P16: Exciting start. But how does MC trust their government so unwaveringly—especially when scene’s brutal climax occurs?

Q15: Love conspiracies. Tight pitch. If MC abilities were exposed, why weren’t they killed? Isn’t magic source totally broken by MC’s past, or just damaged?

P15: Such good prose. Immersive first pages. Hard to tell if this is best story starter, but will say scene structure is tight thus far.

Q14: Such a unique premise. Love queer yearning and speculative elements. Pitch is short. Why and when did villain target MC? Not sure how external goal puts loved ones in danger yet.

P14: Fun setting, distinct MC voice, funny. Don’t think initial teaser is needed. Maybe if it was song lyrics?

Q13: Might be Women’s Fiction? Clear pitch, but MC’s goal seems somewhat vague. How does MC plan to confront trauma?

P13: First pages intrigue me. Lovely descriptions. Quiet but powerful start. But I thought MC’s friend lived in another city, so I’m not sure when the story starts in timeline.

Q12: Good comps, but explain why. Not sure how big secret fits into stakes. Is secret known to MC but not readers? If not, maybe state the secret. Dual timeline is smart plot choice.

P12: Exciting start. Maybe story could back up to start of night’s activity. I want more of MC’s character first.

Q11: Solid romantic tension already. Stakes are clear. Would love second paragraph to offer a little more insight to second MC. What is their motivation to win?

P11: Great conflict and pacing in opening pages. Could use a little more description for setting and characters.

Reminder: my writers will receive an email soon confirming which anonymous feedback in this thread belongs to them. This feedback is meant to help all writers with their query materials, whether it belongs to you or not.

Each submission below is labeled with Q (query letter) and P (opening pages).

Painting by Metsys Quentin - the money lender and his wife. Closeup of hands turning through a book.

Time for my second (and final) round of #10Queries for #RevPit writers. See yours in this thread or my earlier thread? 👀

@reviseresub.bsky.social

I chose these because the log lines hooked me right away and they cover a good range of genres. Great job, writers 👏👏👏

Stay tuned for my next round of #10Queries later today!

Q10: I’m a sucker for trials/training plots. MC motivation, goal, and stakes are clear. Would love hint of internal stakes/arc, too. What’s at stake if they fail?

P10: Interesting worldbuilding. Rich descriptions. But I want to connect with MC a little better.

Q9: Concept grabbed me right away. Feels fresh. Strong comps, especially for genre blend.

P9: Strong opener and starts in good place. Curious if there can be a hint of looming primary external conflict, too.

Q8: Great pitch with strong conflict. But a little long. Aim for 3 paragraphs instead of 6. Does MC consent to inciting incident? Is tech evil? List genre and audience.

P8: Not sure what’s happening in prologue. Want a little more context to hook me. Love the first chapter, especially MC voice.

Q7: Polished query and strong pitch. If anything, might love a line drawing out MC’s arc/emotional stakes further. Add comp authors.

P7: Backstory/context woven into present action well. Curious if this opener is best, though, especially with gore description. MC is a little passive, too.

Q6: MC and setting intrigue me, but Q is vague. Why does MC come here? What is inciting incident specifically? What is MC’s motivation? Any writing/career info to add to bio?

P6: Juicy tension right away, but want gradual buildup. Good MC interiority. Need more backstory on location and MC arrival.

Q5: Some details unclear. Initial wording suggests MC's friend dies, so why is MC seeking them? Confused about “magic” system and what their abilities are. How does magical traveling affect plot?

P5: Interesting worldbuilding. Love a dystopia. Want more MC motivation and goal insight.

Q4: Great opening and comps. Pitch is short. What are some of MC’s mini-goals? What are stakes? How does publicizing aspect affect plot?

P4: Does story start after inciting incident? Because seems like MC is already adventurous. Backstory is interesting, but not hooked just yet.

Q3: Good high concept plot. QL is long, so consider cutting paragraphs 4,5, & 7. What is the story’s genre? Is it YA? If so, word count seems too low.

P3: Balanced & engaging first pages. Not sure if story starts in the best place, as MC’s grief somewhat overwhelms their motivation and character.

Q2: Love premise. Explain how comps are similar. Pitch feels too short. Which abilities is MC struggling with? Which past hardships? Need stronger hint of arc in 1st pitch paragraph.

P2: Prologue starts strong, but I wanted a stronger hook as last line/takeaway. Is MC hiding pain? If so, hint why.

Q1: Great pitch. Bio is spot on. Why is MC’s biz suddenly failing? What about love interest does MC like? Would love line about MC’s arc, too.

P1: Punchy writing is solid genre fit. Arc is hinted at nicely. Could use a little more present action to balance out inner monologue and backstory.

My writers will receive an email soon confirming which anonymous feedback in this thread belongs to them. This feedback is meant to help all writers with their query materials, whether it belongs to you or not.

Each submission below is labeled with Q (query letter) and P (opening pages).

Closeup of LA ANUNCIACIÓN painting by Jan van Eyck (Johannes van Eyck). A woman in blue raises her hand above a book.

It's time for my first #10Queries! Thanks for your patience, #RevPit writers.

Ready to guess which one is yours!? 👀

@reviseresub.bsky.social