truck with decals that read: B [owl] W I S E

my doctor: how are things going? you know,

some of my best friends are weak on crime!

Screenshot of Elmo next to his pet's fishbowl in Elmo's World. The subtitles say "We. Dorothy's been thinking abou and down to what’s her daughter."

four birds in a cartoon from Sesame Street, with the caption reading "Oh, shit"

Another Sesame Street cartoon saying "Oh shit"

Screenshot of Big Bird in Hooper’s Store with live human Alan and a flying red bird. The subtitles read: "Time for the birth of terror. Me"

Do not watch Sesame Street on Tubi with the subtitles on 😭. I swear, I didn't edit or add anything. Is it hilarious? Yes, but also, they need to fix this immediately. Absolutely incomprehensible and bad

my lungs are 30% pollen and only 70% lung. can your theory of semantics account for that??

(choir of semanticists: yes. easily.)

Maladaptive pattern: Microsoft Outlook is giving me trouble - I hate this useless piece of shit software - Depression After cognitive restructuring: Microsoft Outlook is giving me trouble - Wow... I'm just like a real life astronaut - No depression

Here's your moment of zen: A "holy" cat named Coco stands at the entrance of a church in Mexico, seemingly blessing everyone who walks in 🐱

If you really like watching kids miss 3s and remembering every interview for an academic job you didnt get, I’d definitely recommend checking out March Madness

Due to high geopolitical tensions, sports fans are temporarily required to contextualize their posts, for example:

❌ OH GOD OH NO OH FUCK
✔️ OH GOD OH NO OH FUCK how did he make that basketball go in the hole

A digital illustration of a fat cat, done in yellow, cream, vermilion and forest green. The cat is stretching to try grab some treats, with the treat box being stuck around its waist.

failing is hot girl behaviour 🫵🏻💥

red hot horse moon eclipse tonite! 🐎🔥

dunkinmaxxing

Me: I'm giving up using Microsoft Office until Easter.

Him: How do you think that's gonna go?

Me: It will be Excel Lent.

andi's axioms:
1. in life, if you're not sure you fit somewhere, give it a try.
2. in driving, if you're not sure you fit somewhere, don't. do not.

a stylized 3d render of a bunch of cats at an aquarium touch tank.

touch tank

my face is different, but i AM somebody! 👏👏👏

Compromise: federal government is going to be closed on Mondays and tuesdays from now on like a restaurant owned by white people

dunkin lady: sorry for staring... i thought you were somebody.
me: ☹️

#interaction

DOCTOR: I told him he needed to get out to a show, that was how he would cure his depression.

CHOTINER: So you learned this technique in school?

DR: No, not— listen it was good advice. Pagliacci was in town.

C: Right. Is it standard to give advice before learning a patient’s name?

DR: Now look

gonna start making up moon names now that i've learned all the real ones. frozen hog moon today, enjoy it 🌕❄️

The poster for a Netflix show called Jo Nesbo's Detective Hole that includes the tagline "Not every devil hides in the dark." Tobias Santelmann, who plays Detective Hole, is in the foreground. Joel Kinnaman is in the background sans old man makeup. This is all made funnier by the possessive, as well as the fact that the character's full name is Harry Hole.

These fraught times call for a show with what is either an intentionally or unintentionally hilarious title, and which I will be talking about for the rest of the year

A small, colorful hummingbird with a spiky black crest and iridescent green and bronze feathers perches on a wet green stem, tiny water droplets clinging to its head and back.

Black-crested Coquette at @tapirvalley.bsky.social

#hummingbirds #birds #nature #costarica

Nice acquaintance. Auld?

Jeopardy answer: "A literate spider on a farm sends messages to her non-Japanese friend who is obsessed with Japanese culture"

Jeopardy contestant gets the right question, which is "What is 'Charlotte's Weeb?'"

oh my god

i'm all too familiar with the experience of being passed over for an academic job, seeing who got the job, and going 'wtf, i'm *way* better than them'. usually, it's another white guy

finally, sunset is once again getting later! surely everything else will incrementally improve accordingly ☀️

a black switch with one side labeled O and the other labeled I. the I is depressed

here's a handy mnemonic for remembering how this type of switch works:

O = it's Off
I = It's on

A can of whipped cream that says REAL HEAVY WHIPPED CREAM

what you say when whipped cream shares a traumatic story from its childhood

I’m going to write this interaction down in my little book like all the others but i think I’ll put three question marks next to it