My one-year-old runs like the kids in Weapons.

Me to all of the women in relationships on #TheValley

Was Ashley pulling off her false nails while talking to her husband at their cafe? 🤣🤣🤣

I’ve never related so hard to someone. #RHORI

Why are cartoon spiders so sexy? 🕷️🕸️

A haiku:

The world is on fire
Executive producer
Dick Wolf

(Idk how to write a haiku)

This is the third night in a row I’ve awoken at 1:30am… and my baby has been up since 4am.

Get me up to speed. I haven’t watched Summer House since Lindsay and Carl broke off their engagement.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Lenny planted them himself.

#LiveLaughLenny

*The Art of Crainge™️

Imagine getting friendzoned by any of these men.

I almost feel bad for Salley, almost. Sometimes pick-me’s don’t get picked. #SouthernCharm 🤷🏻‍♀️

There's no audio, just subtitles, because I have headphones on, but this scene is art - hang it in the Louvre.

#SouthernCharm

That brought tears to my eyes. 🥹 thank you.

Because mean girls work in pairs and groups, they're like hyenas; they're not as impactful on their own.

I’m such a millennial. Typing out “:)” is way faster for me than switching keyboards, scroooollling through emojis just to find a smiley face haha

Sutton is so far up Kyle’s ass that she’s basically a colonic at this point.

#RHOBH 💎

My dad had a vasectomy and I didn’t even notice a difference in his behavior. It’s wild how some men try to push their wives for natural (unmedicated) births.

Thank you. 🥹 I’ve been downplaying my physical and emotional issues the past few years.

Men talk about having babies how most people talk about getting a puppy.

My first was in the nicu for 8 weeks, so when they allowed us to leave with my second I felt like I was stealing her. 🤣 like, oh damn, we’re really getting by with something here. They’re wheeling me out with a baby right away. 🤣

“Save a rose for me.” 🥴🥴🥴

I want to throw a chair at Dakota.

#SLOMW #TheBachelorette

I've had two C-sections and a myomectomy within two years... I need to give myself more grace because my body has been through so much trauma. Apologies for the tangent lol

Anyway, I just wish Danny would step up and stop doing the bare minimum. The bar for men is ridiculously low. #TheValley

We really minimize the impact of growing, birthing and caring for a child’s effect on women. It takes TWO YEARS for a woman’s hormones and body to stabilize after one child.
Imagine Nia having 4 kids within 5 years… she has not had a chance to regulate ANYTHING…
#TheValley

Also, Jen is blaming Whitney for ruining her DWTS experience, but it's really a combination of her not being as good a dancer and not having a supportive partner throughout the whole process.

Let's call out the real reason for Jen's anger: Whitney got Chicago.
#DWTS #SLOMW

Well, I’m assuming your husband isn’t a narcissistic, abusive asshole.

Zac substituting for Jen during the post-fight meetup with Whitney is…bizarre? He is so delighted to have the opportunity to intimidate a woman outside of his wife. He’s a pig.

#SLOMW #thesecretlivesofmormonwives

Average white dude who abuses his attractive, overworked wife for laughs

Zac seemed almost giddy when Jen was eliminated from #DWTS
She was so concerned about Whitney’s reaction, but she needs to look at the snake in her own bed.

#SLOMW #thesecretlivesofmormonwives

Taylor raging at Miranda for Dakota “dating” Shinia (wtf is that spelling) is so hypocritical.
Taylor was just on a date with Miranda’s ex-HUSBAND and father of her children. I can’t with Taylor anymore.

Yes, Dakota and Shinia are wrong, but I’m sick of watching Taylor fly off the handle. #SLOMW

Oh my gosh! That’s all I’m going to think about when I see him now. 😅

Vampire is too kind a comparison. He’s a Keebler elf who probably started those California wildfires by attempting to make cookies in a tree.