my doctor just informed me I have cirrusis of the liver which is crazy cause I didn't know those kind of clouds could develop inside a human

Sung like you're in the band Korn with a backwards K,
"Some drinks have aspartame!
Sucralose and some Ace- K
Sweeteners for me to drink
Some drinks have aspartame"

*Freaky little scatting breakdown*

Thinking about opening a Sublime themed Taqueria and calling it, "I Don't Practice"

I wish ICE a very unregistered super soaker of warm piss to the face

*realizes I left the big red car running in my closed off garage*

the wiggles!

Wait so you're telling me that that onicle is bi?

//HEADBANGERZ Footnotes: F-1: Restroom Repose

new //HEADBANGERZ side comic, out now ! #oc #ocsky #ocart #comic #4koma #sliceoflife
hbfootnotes.thecomicseries.com/comics/1

Bro, you call yourself a fan of the military? Name three Rules of Engagement

if you're and inmate and you stay in contact with your friends on the inside when you get released, you've become an outmate

They should call season 2 of heated rivalry, "chilled allies"

since i left queensland, every time I crave a XXXX i just have two dos equis. it's not the same but in the end it adds up

microplastics won't stop me from putting my leftover spaghetti in an old cool whip container

If I had a girl, I'd call her Miranda so she'd always have rights and someone to read to her

I like to experiment with drugs, for example when I do coke I try out different shapes

making a dog fursuit for myself, that way if i don't get into heaven, i'm dropping a big hint about what i'd like to be reincarnated as

welp. it happened again. i mistook another baby for joe rogan. in my defense the baby is short, bald, doesn't like to eat vegetables, and won't shut up about how cool ai music is

microdosing staying in a hotel by putting a bible in my nightstand

fellas, is it performative to wear the latest in burlap fashion, drink well water from a McDonald's batman cup, and only listen to music if I can find it on man's greatest invention, hitclips?

i'm gonna start a roanoke themed tow truck company. if your car is missing, look for our company name "croa-towin" carved into a nearby tree

golfing with a vr quest? call that a meta fore!

i'm startin' to think some folks out there are one olsen twin short of a full house

whenever i get a tattoo and someone says i'll regret it i point out the fact that there are dudes out there with "we the people" tattoos that haven't even read the first amendment let alone the whole constitution

Hunter S. Thompson's lesser known brother, Gatherer

childhood is thinking your nana had a weird smelling perfume
adulthood is knowing it was the highest concentration of mothballs in one closet mankind has ever known

everyone talks about traumatic flashbacks, but not one talks about traumatic flash forwards

i urge you to think of the time travelers, to think of the that's so raven

i treat every ass i see like a dodge ram. i point and ask, that thing got a hemi?

the main difference between an intersection and a crossroads is what kinda deal the devil wants to make for your soul

whoever said lightning never strikes the same place twice has never been pelted with gatorade bottles

after months of really hard math, i've figured out how to harness the power of the sun

one man's great pacific garbage patch is another man's great pacific treasure patch