Posts by Brian Matzke
A E! News graphic with Jane Fonda and Barbra Streisand and the text "I wanna know how come Streisand was up there doing that for Redford? She only made one movie with him. I made four. I have more to say." -Jane Fonda jokingly shares her thoughts about Barbra Streisand's emotional tribute to Robert Redford during the 2026 Oscars
Imagine having so much swag that your death causes a bad bitch succession crisis
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Lowkey one of the most sociopathic things I’ve ever heard.
It feels like the convergence of the starts of Lent, Ramadan, and the Chinese New Year should have been treated like a bigger deal.
TFW three days in a row are all holidays
Men in Black was released closer to the first moon landing than to today.
“Why isn’t there a movie where Iron Man fights Godzilla?”
“What would you do if a ghost abducted me?”
“When can I have a VR and my own Minecraft server?”
I don’t know, kiddo, are you sure you don’t want to talk about Neil Patrick Harris’s husband?
“If all the names in the Epstein files are released then our entire system will collapse.”
Works for me.
Gonna send this to my students with the comment, “If she can provide documentation confirming the reason for the extension, then so can you.”
GM: Charisma check.
Mamdani: [rolls natural 20]
GM: that’s a d6 how did you
Mamdani: [direct to camera] Did you know you can check out board games at your local public library? 😊
Look, I’m not some amateur when it comes to crastinating.
Dr Kareem Carr man: i wish to publish @kareem_carr Jan 21 reviewer 2: your paper is no good man: i'll do anything to improve reviewer 2: it's simple. you must read the work of the great scientist Pagliarini man: *bursts into tears* but i am Pagliarini Andre Pagliarini @apagliar Jan 21 a first: in rejecting an article I submitted to a journal, reviewer 2 noted I failed to engage the work of one Andre Pagliarini Jan 21, 2026 • 3:47 PM UTC
I just thought everyone should see this
After Natalie Portman, Kiera Knightley, Sofia Coppola, and Keisha Castle-Hughes, Rose Byrne is now the fifth member of the Naboo royal court to be nominated for an Oscar.
How about a nationwide solidarity strike?
The Substance is the biggest stretch here but there hasn't been a recent retelling of The Phantom of the Opera so I went with a different story about monstrousness in the context of acting/performance.
For fun I made a collage of modern riffs on the Universal Monsters.
Renee Nicole Good
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“I hate this trend where young people are just saying some random, meaningless number.”
— People in 1908 talking about “23 Skidoo”, probably
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I know there's a lot of controversy about the Cracker Barrel logo, so I worked up a new option that should be good with everyone... The barrel is back, but it's now guarded by Scubble, The Cracker Goblin. I also worked up a new slogan for the company!
The shape of milk jugs recently changed slightly and I’m still a little thrown off every time I grab the milk, which I guess means that milk has gone woke?
People don’t develop complete, original thoughts anymore, they just repeat nuggets of ideas—copies of copies of copies of what once were thoughts but have been evacuated of meaning. The shape of our platforms encourages this, and has for 20 years now, so we barely even notice anymore.
The fact that I had to edit that post, removing repeated words (which would have improved the rhythm of the sentence) and replacing “and”s with ampersands in order to squeeze the complete assertion in one skeet, is an example of part of the problem.
I hate the word “grooming.” I hate it when the right uses it & when the left uses it, like I’ve come to hate “woke” & “trigger warning” & so many other thought-killing cliches that are dropped in sentence-fragment comments on social media posts. I’m exhausted by the parataxis of internet discourse.
“If you have a problem with management you can talk to HR.”
Management and HR:
Stephen Colbert should join up with Conan O-Brien to create an unstoppable multimedia variety show hosting/podcasting empire.
Team ColCo?
Team Coco-Colbert (but in like the Coca-Cola font)?