😭🥰😭

It’s just not a very happy birthday.

( 5 / 5 )

I feel scared and angry when I think about it for too long,

like a child throwing a tantrum I just want to scream. It’s just not fair. I’m the oldest I’m supposed to go first.

It’s not fair I’m supposed to go first.

I know I should feel grateful to be here. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t Want anyone to feel this way

( 4 / 5 )

It’s hard to articulate how surreal and wrong it feels. I can’t remember life before him. He was always just there. we weren't perfect siblings but I tried to be there too.

I’m used to being the eldest sibling. But I hate seeing time widen the gap between us. It doesn’t seem right. Growing up together used to be more like a game. You were always catching up to me. Just a few steps behind.

But I don’t want to play this game anymore. I want to to run back and push you ahead I want you to keep pace with me. I want you to catch back up. It isn’t fun without you.

( 3 / 5 )

This isn’t a wholly unique experience.There’s lots of reasons people feel complicated around this birthday. Our society has complexes about youth, achievement, expected roles and expected benchmarks. This is especially true of women. But I would be a liar if I told you that’s why today is hard.

My little brother and I were born 20 months apart. Not quite full two years between us. Today Today I am turning thirty. And he never will.

He was killed in an accident when he was twenty years old. Today I am turning thirty. And he never will.

He isn't the first or only dead person I know. And I'm aware he won't be the last We've lost a lot of family. I've lost friends. But his absence stings the most. It's unnatural.

( 2 / 5 )

Today I’m turning 30 And I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about that.

This is about grief.

( 1 / 5 )

an illustration of Nico and Niners caught in a snowfall both are wearing warm winter clothing - Nico has his favorite yellow sweater on, a brown parka with a fur-lined hood and his signature red scarf, while Niners is dressed in a black turtleneck and blue-ish gray coat with a fluffy collar. Nico is sharing his scarf with Niners, looking at his partner with a genuine smile on his face. Niners is gazing back, his hands gently holding onto Nico's, as his human partner is reaching to adjust the collar of Niners' coat (and perhaps to bring him closer for a kiss that is absolutely bound to happen).

❄️Caught in a Snowfall❄️

[ #OC #OCs #OriginalCharacter #OriginalCharacters #NicoLallas #Niners #DCM #DontCryMercy #sketch #valentinesday #Art #OcSky #ArtSky #украрт #УкрАртПідтримка #cardiart ]

a valentine's day themed sketch of Nico and Niners both of them are wearing cozy casual clothes - Nico's in a shirt and a varsity-esque jacket, Niners is in a shirt and cardigan. A red string is tied to their pinkies (Nico's right hand and Niners' left hand), snaking around from Nico to Niners, connecting them both. Nico is holding a red heart-shaped lollipop in his right hand, while Niners is holding a heart-shaped paper cut-out in his left hand. Both are looking at each other with glee.

❣️Bound by the Red String of Fate❣️

happy valentine's day y'all!
(I deffo will come back to this piece to finish it! stay tuned!)

[ #OC #OCs #OriginalCharacter #OriginalCharacters #NicoLallas #Niners #DCM #DontCryMercy #sketch #valentinesday #Art #OcSky #ArtSky #украрт #УкрАртПідтримка #cardiart ]

a sketch of Niners planting a gentle kiss on Nico's outstretched hand touching the side of Niners' face. Niners' own hands are tenderly keeping Nico's close to his face, as if begging to linger like this a bit more.

💕Gentle Kisses💕

a bit more info on this little gesture in the replies⬇️

[ #OC #OCs #OriginalCharacter #OriginalCharacters #NicoLallas #Niners #DCM #DontCryMercy #sketch #Art #OcSky #ArtSky #украрт #УкрАртПідтримка #cardiart ]

a b/w sketch of Nico and Niners sleeping peacefully in bed. Niners is hugging Nico from the back, one arm underneath both pillows, fingers slightly hanging off the edge of the matrass, while the other rests entangled under Nico's arms. His face is leaning against his partner. Nico's sleeping with his back to Niners, both arms crossed over his own chest in a sort of protective, self-hug gesture (both thumbs are sticking up while the rest of the fingers is resting between the arm and chest. Rays of sunlight are slowly creeping towards the two from a tall-ish window on one side of the bedroom.

Cozy & Safe

[ #OC #OriginalCharacter #NicoLallas #Niners #DCM #DontCryMercy #Art #OcSky #ArtSky #sketch #украрт #УкрАртПідтримка #cardiart ]

Bringer of the Calm 2.0

(had to edit this one slightly since the wired neck design is no longer canon and I simply really-really like this sketch😌)

[ #OC #OriginalCharacter #NicoLallas #Niners #DCM #DontCryMercy #sketch #Art #OcSky #ArtSky #украрт #УкрАртПідтримка #cardiart ]

"What a privilege it is to love
A great honor to hold you up"
(Sleeping At Last - Two)

[ #OC #NicoLallas #Niners #DCM #DontCryMercy #kiss #sketch #sketchdump #artsky #cardiart ]

a doodle of Nico and Niners; kiss prompt - Desperate Niners has a shy but desperate for affection expression on his face as he's saying "May-.. May I have a... kiss?" to Nico (there's an arrow pointing towards Niners with text saying "has an expression that's basically begging, yearning for affection") Nico in turn is surprised and flustered, blushing all over his face

a doodle of Nico and Niners; kiss prompt - Caught both have a surprised look on their face as they were kissing a moment earlier before getting discovered by someone this scenario is more of a fun sketch more than an actual canon thing that could happen so pls treat it as such in canon they keep their relationship on the low, not only because human/android relationships are frowned upon and are taboo but also because Nico likes to keep stuff like that private 'cause it ain't nobody's business but his and his partner's

some more sketches of Nico and Niners
found a little oc kiss prompt somewhere and decided to doodle a few of them

more info on the ideas behind the sketches is in the alt-text

[ #OC #OriginalCharacter #NicoLallas #Niners #DCM #DontCryMercy #sketch #Art #OcSky #ArtSky #cardiart #украрт ]

a wholesome illustration of Nico and Niners Niners has cat ears and tail (his tail is wagging) and is making the little kitty paws gesture while Nico is holding his face, squishing his cheeks slightly. Nico's blushing a lot, no expression visible since he's not facing the viewer but you can tell that he's super flustered and thinks that Niners looks extremely cute with cat ears and tail. Niners is blushing too, a happy expression on his face. (This is a version of this piece where Niners has a 3-shaped mouth)

a wholesome illustration of Nico and Niners Niners has cat ears and tail (his tail is wagging) and is making the little kitty paws gesture while Nico is holding his face, squishing his cheeks slightly. Nico's blushing a lot, no expression visible since he's not facing the viewer but you can tell that he's super flustered and thinks that Niners looks extremely cute with cat ears and tail. Niners is blushing too, a happy expression on his face. (This is a version of this piece where Niners has a V-shaped mouth)

Home is where your cat is!🐱💕
Certainly a true statement for Nico ;v;

[ #OC #OriginalCharacter #NicoLallas #Niners #DCM #DontCryMercy #Art #OcSky #ArtSky #украрт #УкрАртПідтримка #cardiart ]

a colored waist-up piece of Nico and Niners wearing onesies Niners is on the left, wearing a husky onesie and Nico is on the right wearing a brown tabby cat onesie Niners is smiling, his teeth showing slightly, and chuckling with his eyes closed, while Nico is looking at him, one eyebrow raised and the other one lowered, a joke-y smile upon his face. Nico's stretching out the tail of his onesie towards Niners and pointing the end bit at him as if it were a microphone.

"So, how're we feeling 'bout these, big guy?", Nico said jokingly, stretching the tail of his tabby cat onesie and pointing it towards Niners as if it were a microphone.

[ #OC #OriginalCharacter #NicoLallas #Niners #DCM #DontCryMercy #Art #OcSky #ArtSky #cardiart #украрт ]

a b/w sketchdump of Niners as a big mobile suit in the Gundam AU the sketches on the page feature a few portraits of the mobile suit with its "ears" folded during peaceful moments out of combat, one of the portraits features the mech being connected to some wires while undergoing maintenance another sketch features the mobile suit flying through the air, the thrusters on its body forming a pair of wings and a tail one last sketch features the mech under attack, being shit with missiles , while its protecting the cockpit with the pilot using on of its arms to obstruct the missile text on the left says "9-RS-M 034. 9-RS-M 034, nicknamed Niners, is one of a kind, state of the art fully sentient mobile suit. Able to quickly assist, calculate and calibrate in real time, while the pilot is still in control of all the functions."

a sketchdump of Nico as a mech pilot in the Gundam AU the sketch on the left shows Nico smoking outside, leaning on a metal railing. he's wearing the Earth Federation Forces uniform with a pilot jacket on top. the sketch on the right shows Nico in full mech pilot suit, reminiscent an astronaut's one. he has a determined look on his face, ready to thwart any and all threats to Earth. text at the top of the sketch page says "Nico Lallas. A highly successful and experienced mech pilot, part of the Earth Federation Forces. He has carried out many a protective mission against Zeon and other threats."

Some sketches of Nico and Niners in the Gundam AU✨

[ #OC #OCs #OriginalCharacter #OriginalCharacters #NicoLallas #Niners #GundamAU #DCM #DontCryMercy #mecha #mech #robot #sketch #Art #OcSky #ArtSky #украрт #УкрАртПідтримка #cardiart ]

a colored sketch of Niners as a mech he's standing and gently holding a butterfly that sits on one of his fingers on the right hand

a sketch of Niners as a mech he's standing and gently holding a butterfly that sits on one of his fingers on the right hand

Niners as a mech!🦾🗿

realized that I legit have never drawn him as a more machine-like robot so here we go🙌
even in this form he's a gentle giant💕

[ #OC #OriginalCharacter #Niners #DCM #DontCryMercy #mecha #mech #robot #sketch #Art #OcSky #ArtSky #украрт #УкрАртПідтримка #cardiart ]

a portrait of Nico drawn in a realistic-ish way, rendered in the style of Arcane he's wearing a warm jacket and a white sweater, the expression on his face being a bit more snarky - brows furrowed slightly, mouth open, with one corner curling into a bit of a smile, eyes narrowed

finishing this year off with a bang🎉
decided to try the Arcane rending style so here's a lil portrait of Nico✨
(working on a similar portrait of Niners rn so y'all have something to look forward to👀)

[ #OriginalCharacter #OC #NicoLallas #DCM #DontCryMercy #OcSky #ArtTag #cardiart #украрт ]

a portrait of Niners drawn in a realistic-ish way, rendered in the style of Arcane he's wearing a warm coat, a black turtleneck and a gray-ish white scarf the expression on his face is stern - eyebrows furrowed, with more forehead wrinkles showing than usual, his mouth slightly open in a speaking motion

starting 2025 with another bang🎉
here's Niners in all his glory in the style of Arcane✨

[ #OriginalCharacter #OC #Niners #DCM #DontCryMercy #OcSky #ArtTag #cardiart #украрт ]

b/w sketches of Nico and Niners in the main WoW AU Nico (on the right) is a Mag'har Orc Hunter and Niners (on the left) is a Worgen Warrior. Niners is depicted looking to the side, head turned as he looks at something or someone. His expression is neutral but curious in a way. He's wearing a warm and practical outfit with fur over one shoulder and a belt over the other, all that sitting over a thick shirt. Even though he is a Worgen, Niners still retains his iconic shapes and hairstyle, the latter now mostly forming his mane. Nico is depicted looking up while his head is slightly lowered. He heard some noise and now he's listening to his surroundings, trying to judge what made said sound and whether it is a friend or a foe, or perhaps prey as he is out on the hunt. His mouth is open, a puff of warm air escaping from it. Nico is wearing a warm outfit, perfect for the snowy areas he frequents. His hair and facial hair is the same as in most AUs and main universe but here he has some bushy sideburns.

b/w sketches of Nico and Niners the reverse version of the WoW AU Nico (on the right) is a Kultiran Druid and Niners (on the left) is a Blood Elf Paladin. Niners is depicted looking upwards with a stoic expression. Perhaps he's simply looking up or he saw something or someone and is now on high alert, yet not showing any signs of being afraid of whatever he noticed. In this version of the AU he has long hair - most of the long locks resting along his back, with 2 strands cascading over his shoulders, next to the neck, and flowing towards his clavicles. Nico is depicted being highly upset about something or someone. Perhaps at some wharf rats he caught meddling about the dock. He's wearing his sea captain outfit here. His hair is slightly longer in this version of the AU too, with a part of it lazily tied into a low ponytail that looks more like a stubby fluffy tail. He also has a bit of a change to his facial hair as he not only has the usual scruffy stubble but also sports a bit a goatee and some sideburns.

revisited the this AU (both version of it) since I've been on a bit of a WoW kick😌
so here are some portraits of the boys in the main WoW AU and the reverse one

[ #OC #OriginalCharacter #NicoLallas #Niners #WoW #WorldOfWarcraft #sketch #Art #OcSky #ArtSky #украрт #УкрАртПідтримка #cardiart ]

an illustration of Nico as an anthro otter he has a summer outfit on - a white t-shirt with a hot pink hawaiian shirt over it, the hawaiian shirt has a stylized flamingo pattern on it. there's a flower lei resting around the collars of the shirt and t-shirt. Nico also wearing some aviator sunglasses and has a toothpick sticking out between his teeth. he's holding a tropical drink in one hand, raising it in a "cheers!" motion, while smiling big, showing off his teeth. at the bottom of the piece it says "Otter Day 2025" in a stylized hand-drawn font

otterNico's on a lil tropical vacation!🏝️

[ #OC #OriginalCharacter #NicoLallas #anthro #otter #internationalotterday #otterday #DCM #DontCryMercy #Art #OcSky #ArtSky #украрт #УкрАртПідтримка #cardiart ]

"Where the light shivers offshore
Through the tides of oceans
We are shining in the rising sun

As we are floating in the blue
I am softly watching you (...)"

(Woodkid - I Love You)

[ #OC #Niners #reverse_mermAU #merman #octopus #mermay #sketch #artsky #cardiart ]

a b/w portrait sketch of mermNico he's bearing his teeth and looking fiercely at whoever on his turf there's two deep scratches on his right shoulder with blood flowing upwards out of them (since he's underwater)

a b/w portrait sketch of mermNico he's growling, furrowing his brow and scrunching his nose at whoever he's trying to intimidate, sharp teeth showing

a b/w portrait sketch of mermNico he's lunging forward in an attack, sharp teeth poking out of his mouth, ready to sink into flesh

a b/w portrait sketch of mermNico he's staying still in the shade while looking intently at his prey, waiting for a perfect opportunity to strike

MH Wilds made me wanna sketch mermNico again (and amp up his feral energy + give him a ton more teeth)

[ #OC #NicoLallas #merm_au #merman #sketch #Art #OcSky #ArtSky #UkrainianArtist #украрт #cardiart ]

Beast of the Deep

[ #OC #merm_au #merman #artsky #sketch #cardiart ]

some more doodles of the merm au!

mermNico went for a swim but the weather was too freezing so he came back to Niners' place all covered in icicles
thankfully there were enough blankets and towels to help the merm be all warm and cozy again

[ #OCs #mermAU #merman #sketch #cardiart ]

some mermNico doodles because I love this au so much ;w;

[ #oc #merm #MermAU #merman #sketch #cardiart ]

a cozy snoozing merm

[ #oc #merm #MermAU #merman #sketch #cardiart ]

"On wings of hope, you rise up through the night
Higher, oh higher
Carrying our song
Cradled fast within your arms
That its chorus might ring for all!"
(Masayoshi Soken - Endwalker-Footfalls)

[ #OC #Niners #DragonAgeAU #elf #warrior #illustration #artsky #cardiart ]

"I think with my heart & move with my head
I open my mouth & it's something I've read
(...)
Confused what I thought with something I felt
Confuse what I feel with something that's real"
(KONGOS - Come with Me Now)

[ #OC #NicoLallas #DragonAgeAU #qunari #mage #cardiart ]

some doodles of Nico as a lil qunari kid 'cause I have been really obsessed with the dragon age au recently :D

[ #OC #NicoLallas #DragonAgeAU #qunari #sketch #sketchdump #artsky #cardiart ]