Thank you for sharing your insights. 🙏❤️‍🩹

Always appreciate your view 😀. I'll say that as self-compassion has become more "natural" it *feels* more like "I got my back," or like I have "extra" support. I suppose I was used to abandoning myself, so learning to show care *feels* almost like external support. Hard to explain!

The “nobody’s coming to save you” line hits different for childhood trauma survivors.

It's not motivational, it confirms a core wound—we were never worth saving.

We didn't get the support we needed, but don’t get tripped up thinking we weren't worth it, or that we can't heal ourselves now.
#cptsd

Never been formally Rx'd, but working w/therapist using most of CPTSD recovery playbook. Finally understanding toxic shame was critical, then understanding emotional flashbacks, dysregulation, cognitive fusion, &c.
We never had pre-trauma identity, so yes, it feels inescapable - but we can heal. ❤️‍🩹

Also can't help but wonder: For those who the line "no one is coming to save you" is motivational, might we presume they had people *regularly saving them* (giving care & protection) throughout childhood?
I know, such "calculus" is mostly imaginary guesswork, but still...

I agree, all the inner work is on us. I like the phrase, "It wasn't our fault, but it remains our responsibility to heal."

I also think there is more support out there than many folks may feel. Of course, family may not be a source of support, which can feel devastating.

Of course, it sometimes takes me a bit to figure out what "smells off" about some statements. It can feel like a relief to find that clarity, though.

The “nobody’s coming to save you” line hits different for childhood trauma survivors.

It's not motivational, it confirms a core wound—we were never worth saving.

We didn't get the support we needed, but don’t get tripped up thinking we weren't worth it, or that we can't heal ourselves now.
#cptsd

Its truly cruel to have an adaptive trauma response - something we developed to keep ourselves alive - re-framed by others as a personality "defect." ❤️‍🩹

getting my parents arrested, giving myself free reign to think whatever to make that kid feel seen, cared for, and protected. Especially when triggered and having an emotional flashback, self-compassion (and anger) have been critical tools. But, its been a slow practice, now, of 2+ years.❤️‍🩹

For me, writing, or I should say, thick descriptive writings of my emotions has helped some, it gives some structure to the chaos. Its been easier for me to then apply self-compassion to "that kid" in the past. Imagining, going back in time and saving myself, showing myself love...

I hear you, fully. Learning that my self-cruelty & shame was a relic of my childhood - not something that I was born with - gave me a little wiggle room, but recovery still has been real work. "Rigidity and resistance" is a real challenge, especially if we had no pre-trauma identity....

Big breakthroughs are great, they'll energize our recovery efforts like nothing else.

But the healthy habits of mind which define recovery are built upon the small, unremarkable choices to align our actions with our values.
It's in the daily micro-decisions where recovery finds traction.
#cptsd

Big breakthroughs are great, they'll energize our recovery efforts like nothing else.

But the healthy habits of mind which define recovery are built upon the small, unremarkable choices to align our actions with our values.
It's in the daily micro-decisions where recovery finds traction.
#cptsd

Oddly - hopefully with love & reverence! - this post made me think of you...and this post. I'm thankful for all that you share about your healing journey!

bsky.app/profile/drdo...

Childhood neglect warps a child's mind to such a degree that we'll interpret our basic needs for care & closeness as overbearing self-centeredness.

When no need is met, every need feels indulgent.

Neglect doesn’t just deprive a child in the moment—it rewires how we interpret our own needs.
#cptsd

So true!!

Childhood neglect warps a child's mind to such a degree that we'll interpret our basic needs for care & closeness as overbearing self-centeredness.

When no need is met, every need feels indulgent.

Neglect doesn’t just deprive a child in the moment—it rewires how we interpret our own needs.
#cptsd

For whatever reason, I felt like emotions had to be mutually exclusive. I felt like I had to either fully hate or love my parents and "waffling" meant I must be confused. But emotions don't work like that, different contexts bring different emotions, all "live" inside me al the time.

Most of the life changing CPTSD recovery work I do is w/ adults in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, & even 70’s.

That voice telling you you're "too old" or it's "too late" to make significant changes in how you feel & function is a f*cking liar.

Mixed feelings are a fact of trauma recovery.

Feeling strong for some actions we’ve taken, yet upset by others. Feeling anger toward our abusers, yet still holding fond memories. Being proud of our healing journey, yet crestfallen we’ve had to start.
Healing is integration, not simplicity.
#cptsd

Pete Walker's book on CPTSD is really outstanding, IMO, if you haven't looked at it. 🙏❤️‍🩹

Mixed feelings are a fact of trauma recovery.

Feeling strong for some actions we’ve taken, yet upset by others. Feeling anger toward our abusers, yet still holding fond memories. Being proud of our healing journey, yet crestfallen we’ve had to start.
Healing is integration, not simplicity.
#cptsd

Yes, self-compassion was the antidote to shame I never knew I was allowed to give myself. Understanding the near invisible function of shame in my life and how self-compassion could help heal it was revolutionary. Kristin Neff's work really has been useful to me in understanding this.

3. My therapist has been really helpful and assuring, we talk about my anger visualizations often
4. In expressing this anger, I never feel "amped up" or drained afterwards as I did previously (b4 self-compassion), I feel re-assured with calm breathing

All just my experience, buyer beware I guess!

Some other thoughts:
1. I need to name my anger first. I have to know with some clarity what I am protecting, it not general anger at my parents. Its events or patterns.
2. Yes, my visualizations can be "violent." But as long as it feels protective, not hate/terrorizing, I give myself free reign...

that I was actually worth protecting back then.

Much of my most effective self-compassion work has been visualization / fantasy based (see Pete Walker's CPTSD book, "Time Travel" interventions). I think my anger visualization works b/c I laid foundations for self-compassion?...

Self-compassion really taught me how to be an empathetic witness to my younger self. Previously, whenever I thought of my past, I was washed away in emotional flashbacks and shame spirals. I never felt real kindness to "that kid."

Now, new anger is arising, likely b/c I see...

Sure! In brief, its mostly through visualization, literally protecting my younger self.

But its a bit more complicated, perhaps. The anger I am feeling now is very different from the anger I felt previously. The critical change has been self-compassion (see Kristin Neff, her stuff is great)...

I'm not convinced CPTSD survivors "obsess" over mistakes. Mistakes can, however, trigger shame spirals where we see errors as proof we're defective & broken.

We're not "obsessing," were struggling with a trauma-driven lie about our worth. More shame from not "letting go" ain't the fix.
#cptsd