"One last obituary to write and then I can retire. Where to start..."

Expert: Saggy boobs

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"I loved your article on the meaning of modicum"
"Thank you, that means a lot"
"Oh, I obviously completely misunderstood it"

A very complex man.

Shitowski.

See, you can polish a turd.

#LunchPun

I lost my wife in 2021. You never get over it, but it does hurt less over time.

Don't be brave, though. Doesn't help at all!

"Load up on guns, bring your friends." Kurt Cobain.

"Equip yourself with handguns and other weaponry, your acquaintances and those close to you can accompany us." Prolix Cobain

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Unclear-A Dyslexic missile of mass destruction

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This morning I convinced my mate I made lace collars for gorillas

It was an Ape Frill Fool joke.

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#BestAprilFoolsDayPranks

I like my men like I like my coffee.
Usually drunk in the morning.

#LunchPun

A wimaway a wimaway

Twelve years ago, I married my best friend, the mother of my three children and the love of my life.
The priest was clearly drunk, and it took months for the four of us to sort it out.

Tea Clippers were specialist sailing ships designed to transport tea at high speeds.

They were needed because if the milk tankers arrived before the tea transports, many of the British rioted.

In some US States, KPop is known as KSoda.

Found my notes on the doctor’s desk before he came in - apparantly I'm a kleptomaniac with high blood pressure. Took that with a pinch of salt.


#LunchPun

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Transcription - Drugs for gender reassignment.

Oh it's so sad that Scott Mills is ruining the BBC family legacy started by his mother, Pebble.

He's elected to spend eternity chained to a rock, having his liver pecked out by an eagle every day instead.

Oh no, Surely, Scot Mills is where they make porridge.

#LunchPun

When you grew up using Windows-based computers, you believe that the movie "F1" is a remake of "Help!".

#LunchPun

People who live in glass houses are almost certainly engaged in a corrupt relationship with the local planning department.

2026.

Commentator doesn’t understand the meaning of incommunicado, then.

Shakespeare was originally going to serve as a ship's boy for Drake's circumnavigation of the globe in 1577. He went even though it upset his parents who wanted him to help with a big party they had planned.

But a bard on the Hind is worth ruining a bash.

#LunchPun

Rowley Birkin QC

There was something on TV last night about the effects of a world shortage of helium.

But I can't speak highly of it.

Intend: Yorkshire finale

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Today I learned that in Dutch, the Irish Goodbye, where you leave a party without saying goodbye to anybody is called "taking the rat taxi".

De rattentaxi nemen.

In Australia, Pineapple Upside Down Cake is just Pineapple Cake.

Due to the corialananas effect.

It's Noah, he'd have cut those logs into planks. Two by two.