#LunchPun
Can't tell you anything about my trip to Cuba because I signed the official cigars act.
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Today, I'm learning all about counter intelligence and how you should never underestimate your enemy.
I just lost a game of Connect 4 to a five year old.
#LunchPun
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Kirsty Wark
used to talk
all the time
about wark rhyme.
#LunchPun
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#LunchPun I went to a nudist only furniture store earlier and, having taken my clothes off, noticed a lovely shiny sofa. There appeared to be a bit of a wet mark so I said “Satin?”. The assistant said “No, it’s leather and only just been put on display”
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Working at the Beatles Theatre was exhausting.
2 stage productions every day Monday to Saturday for 2 years.
I had to quit, it was too much acting in 8 Plays A Week
#Lunchpun #RateMyPun
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My mate's been in the dog house so
long with his missus, she's turned it
into kennels with obedience training!
#joke #funny #jokes #humour #LunchPun
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This morning the Vicar told us "Rejoice,He has risen"
Didn't know Viagra sponsored our church service.
#LunchPun #Humoursky
#Easter
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This morning to surprise my Wife I hid some eggs in the garden, she was livid and said they were supposed to be for the children
So that's the IVF treatment ruined.
#LunchPun #Humoursky
#Easter
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Little known fact: Bruce Springsteen
pioneered night vision goggles.
'This guns for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark'!
#joke #funny #jokes #LunchPun #humour
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As we brace ourselves for #StormDave to hit, I can't help thinking that the Met Office could have called it Storm Daniel (if they had a sense of humour)
As we brace ourselves, waiting for #StormDave to hit, I can't help thinking that the Met Office should have called it Storm Daniel 😆
#LunchPun
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#LunchPun #sillysaturday After a car crash, I once arrested a driver who was the worse for wear and claimed to have been thinking about differential calculus for his role as a mathematician. I had to arrest him for drinking and deriving.
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Artemis II mission's soundtrack
featuring:
Louis Armstrong
Phil Collins
The Police
#joke #funny #jokes #humour #LunchPun
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For those who want something toadally different! #InversneckyCafe #AberdeenBeach #Aberdeen #Inversnecky #Magic #Icecream #sillysaturday #LunchPun
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Uno, dos and he disappears without a tres. #InversneckyCafe #Aberdeen #AberdeenBeach #inversnecky #Magic #FridayFunday #LunchPun
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Shitowski.
See, you can polish a turd.
#LunchPun
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What do you get if you cross the greatest Scottish comedian with Italian pastry?
Billy Cannoli
#Lunchpun #RateMyPun
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#LunchPun my friend invents medicine, but his latest creation caused uncontrollable flatulence in the recipients. He is currently trialling a new drug and is gusting a butt to find a cure.
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That's just not cricket 🏏
#LunchPun
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Got sacked from the dice making factory, I thought I was being efficient
But they said I was cutting too many corners.
#LunchPun #Humoursky
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Pray, you want to know what you need to become one with nature? Be Leaf.
#LunchPun
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"Load up on guns, bring your friends." Kurt Cobain.
"Equip yourself with handguns and other weaponry, your acquaintances and those close to you can accompany us." Prolix Cobain
#LunchPun
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Tickets to the Cat Cosplay Conference cost £20.
Purr person.
#LunchPun
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The climbers on my Everest expedition were split up into three gangs. Lots of people wanted to be in Gang Red and Gang Blue, not so many in Gang Green.
#Lunchpun
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I'm writing an espionage movie about a young Dubliner who is accidentally njected with secret agent DNA and what happens next.
Spy De Man
Coming soon
#Lunchpun #RateMyPun
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#LunchPun #badjokethursday Archaeologists are incredibly excited as they seem to have found evidence of large-scale, prehistoric chest surgery. They plan to create a visitor attraction and call it Thoracic Park.
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Glad President is trending everywhere
and in the media. It's a long way my favourite
cheese.
#jokes #humour #joke #funny #LunchPun
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This morning I convinced my mate I made lace collars for gorillas
It was an Ape Frill Fool joke.
#LunchPun
#BestAprilFoolsDayPranks
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#LunchPun
Dairy farmers have been feeding cows Hulk steroids. Don't milk me angry.
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I wanted to post an April Fool about the rare Lesser Witted Doofus bird that flies into my kitchen each lunchtime, but sadly the window has just closed.
#LunchPun #Jokes #AprilFools
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