As we brace ourselves for #StormDave to hit, I can't help thinking that the Met Office could have called it Storm Daniel (if they had a sense of humour)
As we brace ourselves, waiting for #StormDave to hit, I can't help thinking that the Met Office should have called it Storm Daniel 😆
#LunchPun
#LunchPun #sillysaturday After a car crash, I once arrested a driver who was the worse for wear and claimed to have been thinking about differential calculus for his role as a mathematician. I had to arrest him for drinking and deriving.
Artemis II mission's soundtrack
featuring:
Louis Armstrong
Phil Collins
The Police
#joke #funny #jokes #humour #LunchPun
For those who want something toadally different! #InversneckyCafe #AberdeenBeach #Aberdeen #Inversnecky #Magic #Icecream #sillysaturday #LunchPun
Uno, dos and he disappears without a tres. #InversneckyCafe #Aberdeen #AberdeenBeach #inversnecky #Magic #FridayFunday #LunchPun
Shitowski.
See, you can polish a turd.
#LunchPun
What do you get if you cross the greatest Scottish comedian with Italian pastry?
Billy Cannoli
#Lunchpun #RateMyPun
#LunchPun my friend invents medicine, but his latest creation caused uncontrollable flatulence in the recipients. He is currently trialling a new drug and is gusting a butt to find a cure.
That's just not cricket 🏏
#LunchPun
Got sacked from the dice making factory, I thought I was being efficient
But they said I was cutting too many corners.
#LunchPun #Humoursky
Pray, you want to know what you need to become one with nature? Be Leaf.
#LunchPun
"Load up on guns, bring your friends." Kurt Cobain.
"Equip yourself with handguns and other weaponry, your acquaintances and those close to you can accompany us." Prolix Cobain
#LunchPun
Tickets to the Cat Cosplay Conference cost £20.
Purr person.
#LunchPun
The climbers on my Everest expedition were split up into three gangs. Lots of people wanted to be in Gang Red and Gang Blue, not so many in Gang Green.
#Lunchpun
I'm writing an espionage movie about a young Dubliner who is accidentally njected with secret agent DNA and what happens next.
Spy De Man
Coming soon
#Lunchpun #RateMyPun
#LunchPun #badjokethursday Archaeologists are incredibly excited as they seem to have found evidence of large-scale, prehistoric chest surgery. They plan to create a visitor attraction and call it Thoracic Park.
Glad President is trending everywhere
and in the media. It's a long way my favourite
cheese.
#jokes #humour #joke #funny #LunchPun
This morning I convinced my mate I made lace collars for gorillas
It was an Ape Frill Fool joke.
#LunchPun
#BestAprilFoolsDayPranks
#LunchPun
Dairy farmers have been feeding cows Hulk steroids. Don't milk me angry.
I wanted to post an April Fool about the rare Lesser Witted Doofus bird that flies into my kitchen each lunchtime, but sadly the window has just closed.
#LunchPun #Jokes #AprilFools
I like my men like I like my coffee.
Usually drunk in the morning.
#LunchPun
Every time I watch King Kong, I'm terrified he's going to plummet to the ground and squash loads of people.
Ape will fall?
No, I'm genuinely terrified.
#Lunchpun
In my Mastermind specialist round on Contagious Diseases, I passed on two.
#LunchPun
I'm very impressionable.
When others stalk business people, I follow suit.
#LunchPun
Of course, it's the 1st April, so when I read that Richard Wilson had died, I thought, 'I don't believe it!'
#LunchPun
Last night I spotted a few people setting up easles in the middle of the road at around 11pm
I thought "That looks sketchy"
#Lunchpun #RateMyPun
#LunchPun #wednesdaywit Just heard that the Americans want a famous British chemist shop situated where they plan to land in Iran. Apparently they are very keen to see Boots on the ground.
For health reasons, I really need breakfast
every morning.
I must be lacktoast intolerant
#joke #humour #jokes #funny #LunchPun
If you don't have the hart to be convinced that plasticine is superior to cgi then morph all you . #lunchpun
