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I was in the supermarket and asked for helicopter flavoured yogurt.
I was disappointed as they only had plain. #LunchPun #Pun
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But Holmes, why are we at a screening of the 1970 film Woodstock?
Rockumentary my dear Watson.
#LunchPun #Jokes
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To cover all eventualities, I keep pictures of Ms Midler & Ms Davis under the garden wall. I’m hedging my Bettes. #LunchPun
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French castles were so well defended by Joan of Arc, they stopped surrounding them with water. This moating could have been a female.
#LunchPun
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Do you like comics?
A - Yes
B - No
#LunchPun
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My cunning plan to build one bed on top of another has been debunked.
#Lunchpun
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#LunchPun
I want to start a musical instrument high tech delivery service but the council won't have it, so I'll have to drone up some support.
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Back in the early 70's, Roger Daltrey and Pete Townsend launched a service providing back up power sources in case of blackouts during that oil crisis.
My Generator
#Lunchpun #RateMyPun
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#LunchPun my Irish friend, Michael has set up a new text system for phones and it keeps delivering conflicting chats to the wrong people, which creates a misunderstanding. I’m getting Mick’s messages.
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My mate claims he was a renegade
train spotter.
I believe him, he can instantly derail
any train of thought!
#joke #humour #funny #LunchPun
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Otafuku yakisoba sauce for stir fry
Carl Olsen took an amazing photo of a river otter looking angry. I've defiled his photo with some crude text. I'm sure you can guess what the otter is saying from the brand name of the yakisoba sauce.
So what immediately springs to the minds of #LunchPun and #food fans when they see the brand name of this #yakisoba sauce, #Otafuku?
Wifey and I thought of different things; mine is shown in one of the images below, whereas hers roughly translates as "Oh, to fuk you!" 😊
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I think my Girlfriend is unsure about my feelings for her
Every time we have sex she asks
"Are you in love?"
#LunchPun #Humoursky
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Context matters. A great fit is good in a tailor's shop and bad in an epileptic's shop.
#LunchPun
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I'm getting tired of sleeping in. #lunchpun
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#LunchPun
There's a spy who works in Primark, he used to work with the C&A.
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I need a favour from #LunchPun fans...
If you've bought my book (see pinned post), please consider leaving a glowing review, as I only have one so far.
If you have Kindle Unlimited, you can check it out for free!
Whether you read it or not, reposts of my pinned post are appreciated! Thanks :)
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Have you seen that film where Denzel Washington plays an ophthalmic surgeon who corrects imbalances in people’s sight? The Equal-eyes-er.
#LunchPun
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Get ready for Heinz launching a new sweet chili and soy range they hope people will use alongside ketchup.
I can't reveal how I know this, just trust me, I have my sauces
#Lunchpun #RateMyPun
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#LunchPun #badjokethursday I once attended the alley at the back of some houses and found a dead tramp surrounded by used, ripped-open tea bags.There were also traces of the stuff in his mouth and I concluded that he had died of a dregs overdose.
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Told my mate that as a Doctor I don't think he should be having sex with a patient, I'm sure it's against the Hippocratic oath
And besides, he's a Paediatrician
#joke #funny #jokes #humour #LunchPun
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No wonder politicians don't leave
a legacy, they have no political will!
#joke #funny #jokes #humour #LunchPun
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Me: ‘Some people call me the space cowboy, some call me the gangster of love. Some people call me Maurice…’
Barista: ‘I’m just gonna put ‘Bernie’, OK, Sir.’
#LunchPun
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Lars Ulrich of Metallica was the latest guest of Kermit and Fozzie Bear, but when he went to play his musical number, he was attacked and beaten up by Animal and the rest of Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, so the show couldn't go on. Disaster of Muppets.
#LunchPun
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My mate Gwyn asked me if there was a demand for writing 70s style advertising taglines.
I don't know, I replied, but you can have a go. Pick up a pen, Gwyn.
#LunchPun
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I used to feel guilty for being into S&M but I no longer beat myself up about it
#LunchPun
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Last night I performed at the Reliant Robin Owners Club Dinner where I received a standing ovation from all three corners of the room.
#LunchPun #Jokes
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Not many people know that the only difference between a graveyard and a cemetery is that a cemetery must have an equal number of bodies on both sides.
#LunchPun
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If someone is talking rowlocks, it's best not to stick your oar in.
#Lunchpun
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