*Watches party balloon float up the the ceiling*
He is risen.
#humour #humoursky
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#Humoursky
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I couldn't remember why I threw a boomerang. Then it came back to me.
#humour #humoursky
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How did the button feel when it was pushed?
Depressed.
#humour #humoursky
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This morning the Vicar told us "Rejoice,He has risen"
Didn't know Viagra sponsored our church service.
#LunchPun #Humoursky
#Easter
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This morning to surprise my Wife I hid some eggs in the garden, she was livid and said they were supposed to be for the children
So that's the IVF treatment ruined.
#LunchPun #Humoursky
#Easter
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My mum used to say "Here comes the aeroplane!" when she fed me as a kid, but I think it was cruel of her to leave me on the runway.
#humour #humoursky
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Got sacked from the dice making factory, I thought I was being efficient
But they said I was cutting too many corners.
#LunchPun #Humoursky
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Brain: "Let's go jogging"
Back: 🤭
Hips: 😅
Knees: 😂
Ankles: 🤣
#humour #humoursky
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When one dog sniffs another dogs bum, it's normal. But when I do it....
#humour #humoursky
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One problem I have is when people are given a pistol that fires blanks that begins a race.
And that's just for starters.
#humour #humoursky
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The world has been overrun by black and white bears. It must be some sort of pandaemic.
#humour #humoursky
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Famine, War, Pestilence and Death.
Law firm.
#humour #humoursky
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That's the last time anyone kills me.
#humour #humoursky
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I put my clocks forward too much and they fell off the shelf.
#humour #humoursky
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Heston Blumenthal put his blood sweat and tears into making his ice cream. Well he was running out of ideas.
#humour #humoursky
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I've just been watching that Dustin Hoffman film where he works in a Drycleaners
Stain Man.
#LunchPun #Humoursky
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I love playing football with my dog, but apparently it's cruel. #humour #humoursky
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I can catagorically state that with the sheer numbers of bedridden patients, such a coma and full body casts, spinal issues and injuries, broken limbs et al, that not everybody was Kung Fu fighting.
#humour #humoursky
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I was following a recipe that said "Chill in the fridge for half an hour". How the hell do I fit in the fridge?
#humour #humoursky
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When I was in charge of accommodation on a cruise liner, this obese Woman complained her room wasn't big enough
So for the rest of the voyage, I gave her a wide berth.
#LunchPun #Humoursky
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Money can't buy you happiness, but it can bloody well cheer you up!
#humour #humoursky
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After a hard day at work I like to get out my clockwork duck
And Wind Down.
#LunchPun #Humoursky
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When someone says "It's as soft as a baby's bum", who actually compares?
#humour #humoursky
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Never hit a man with glasses.
A baseball bat is much more effective.
#humour #humoursky
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For sale: leg. Suitable for horse or small dog. Offers.
#humour #humoursky
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My wife said "You look a million dollars", but taking inflation and tax into account, that's about $15.78.
#humour #humoursky
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It's no use crying over spilt milk. Unless it's all over your brand new gaming laptop, then let rip.
#humour #humoursky
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If I had £1 for every time I was right, I'd be extending my overdraft.
#humour #humoursky
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We didn't start the fire, but I bet Robert Burns had something to do with it.
#humour #humoursky
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Not sure if my Uncle has been diagnosed with a heart condition or premature ejaculation
The Doctor says three strokes will finish him off.
#LunchPun #Humoursky
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