I'd be so content to die like this, so many people should have taken my boot to their teeth, instead, I played dumb, and treated them kindly. A lot of people felt misunderstood, or too weird to exist, and I showed them how they're wonderful. I talked to people with the words I wished someone would tell me
I always hated myself for being different. I never knew why, never had the vocabulary to explain it. Couldn't tell the adults I wasn't a boy or a girl, couldn't tell them I didn't like religion, couldn't ever tell anyone what grown men were doing to me for years, couldn't bear to fight- not because I was a terrible person. But because I didn't want anyone to be made uncomfortable or have their world changed- potentially for the worst- because of me.
Sorry is this getting top depressing? It's not like people read this, anyways. XD it's not like my hero is coming to take my hand, kiss me on the mouth, and love me like a sailor; nobody's really on their way to show me I'm worth it. Stronger people, people who are truly better than me, people with more to live for- they don't bounce back from the things I've been through. And those who do, they're changed forever. I don't want to be known for what I've overcome. I just don't want to be abandoned anymore. But while I'm wishing, I'd like to be able to pay my rent this month... And I'd like everyone to sleep very well when it's time. A deep sleep. With good dreams. The kind where you wake up, and it's almost as though you're finally someone who you are proud of. Melodrama melodrama sad sad sad.
I'm proud of myself for having existed this long, fought hard, kept going even though there was never really a good reason, I've not beaten anyone up, and I'm still just as soft as I was years ago.
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