An image that looks like a distressed, grainy, vintage newspaper advertisement with a slightly macabre tone. The background is a speckled grey, mimicking the texture of old newsprint or a low quality photocopy. The text is primarily in various typewriter and bold slab styles.
At the top, the headline reads, Just in time for Valentine's day. Directly beneath it, the words Just about are written in a smaller, tilted font, followed by a large, bold line: 30 or 40LB of Beetroot! Two horizontal lines separate this header from the main body.
On the upper left is a black and white illustration of a single beetroot with its leafy greens still attached. To the right of the vegetable, the text asks, Is your lover sensible, pragmatic? Don't get them useless trinkets and baubles! Get them life's realest, most hardworking root vegetable: BEETS. The words realest and hardworking are underlined with thin, hand-drawn lines.
Below this, a section titled About Beets contains dark, absurdist facts. It reads, Like you, beets were born in darkness, covered in filth, filled with hate. It continues, They are the only vegetable that can feel pain! followed by the ominous line, Beets will have their revenge.
To the right of this section is a bizarre illustration of two dark, circular beets joined together at the base, with a pale, human-like face emerging from the top. The face has wide, dark eyes and a solemn expression, partially framed by a dark, curved shape that resembles hair or a hood.
At the very bottom, a final line of text says, Call Jonathan head-chopper! The words head-chopper have a single line struck through them. This is immediately followed by, I won't chop your head. I don't do that anymore.
#vday #beets #valentine #beetroot
