I ate the last treat. | And I regret nothing.

I ate the last treat. | And I regret nothing.

#catcrimes #noregrets #treatthief #guiltycat #catmemes

The glowing stone Ruby the Cat, Detective Extraordinaire (self-proclaimed, of course, and recognized officially only by her slightly judgmental goldfish, Mr. Bubbles), padded down Elm Street with the sort of stealth…

The glowing stone

“Right,” she whispered to herself, squinting at the night sky like some feline James Bond, “tonight, we solve the mystery of the glowing stones.”

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2026/03/13/t...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory

The missing wind socks Ruby, neighbourhood’s premier pet detective (self-proclaimed, of course), flicked her tail in a manner that suggested she was either deeply annoyed or plotting world domination. Possibly both. “Hon…

The missing wind socks

Ruby neighbourhood’s premier pet detective (self-proclaimed, of course), flicked her tail in a manner that suggested she was either deeply annoyed or plotting world domination

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2026/03/07/t...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyForensics #ShortStory

I left the kittens alone for *10 minutes* while I made a late lunch..

Open the door and hear a TAP RUNNING 🙀

-Chaos!! Tap is fully on, sink flooding all over the floor (the pop-up plug was also pushed down)

I think they turned it on with their wrestling..

#Kittens #Catastrophe #Chaos #CatCrimes

I left the kittens alone for *10 minutes* while I made a late lunch..

Open the door and hear a TAP RUNNING 🙀

-Chaos!! Tap is fully on, sink flooding all over the floor (the pop-up plug was also pushed down)

I think they turned it on with their wrestling..

#Kittens #Catastrophe #Chaos #CatCrimes

The purr-loining caper Ruby, the neighbourhood’s self-proclaimed feline detective, was stretched out on her velvet cushion, glaring at the world like a fluffy little goddess who had just discovered humans were inherently…

The purr-loining caper

Her whiskers twitched. Something was off. Something sinister. The post.

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2026/03/01/t...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory

The humming lamp The night was dark. Dark like a cupboard under the stairs that smells of old tuna and existential dread. And Ruby, of course, was there, crouched on the garden fence like a tiny, furry Sherlock Hol…

The humming lamp

The night was dark. Dark like a cupboard under the stairs that smells of old tuna and existential dread.

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2026/02/23/t...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory

The bell symphony Ruby, sleek, black, and possessed of what could only be called “cat-level paranoia,” sat on her usual perch, a slightly wobbly garden fence that doubled as her surveillance tower and surveyed the n…

The bell symphony

“Something smells… off,” she muttered to herself, whiskers twitching like antennae picking up signals from another dimension.

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2026/02/17/t...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory

The bamboozled boulevards Ruby twitched her whiskers. The street signs were wrong again. “Catnip Avenue” had somehow become “Doggo Lane”. Again. This was the third time this week, and Ruby, self-appointed neighbourhood dete…

The bamboozled boulevards

Ruby twitched her whiskers. The street signs were wrong again. “Catnip Avenue” had somehow become “Doggo Lane”. Again.

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2026/02/05/t...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory

Orange cat crimes? #orangecat #catsofskylight #catcrimes

The gnome who blinked Ruby would like it noted, formally, for the record, and possibly for future litigation—that she is not paranoid. She is observant. There is a difference. At exactly 02:17 every morning, the lawn or…

The gnome who blinked

Ruby would like it noted, formally, for the record, and possibly for future litigation—that she is not paranoid.

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2026/01/30/t...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory

Oh, I knew what was going on. This isn’t the first “illusion on cats” crime. ❤️ #catcrimes

The vanishing sparkly thing Ruby had always known this day would come.Not the day of reckoning, exactly, but the day when crime would finally slither out from under the sofa and knock over a fish tank ornament in broad daylig…

The vanishing sparkly thing

Ruby sighed the sigh of a cat who had seen too much of the world and too little tuna.
“Gone,” she repeated. “Or misplaced?”

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2026/01/24/t...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory

Birdbathgate I am Ruby.I am a cat.I am also, due to a catastrophic shortage of competent humans, the neighbourhood’s only pet detective. This particular case began, as all great mysteries do, with outrage and d…

Birdbathgate

I am Ruby.
I am a cat.
I am also, due to a catastrophic shortage of competent humans, the neighbourhood’s only pet detective.

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2026/01/18/b...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory

The glitter goblin Ruby, a sleek ginger cat with the confident strut of someone who once won a fight with a vacuum cleaner (and told everyone about it), stretched luxuriously on her sun-warmed garden wall. She had ju…

The glitter goblin

Mrs. Prendergast, two houses down, shrieked like someone had tried to steal her porcelain teapot collection.

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2026/01/12/t...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory

Ruby rumbles into resolution season! It was the 1st of January, 9:07 a.m., and Ruby the cat, renowned neighbourhood detective, chaos facilitator, and part-time sofa ornament, was already having A Day. She awoke to find her human, Clai…

Ruby rumbles into resolution season!

It was the 1st of January, 9:07 a.m., and Ruby the cat, renowned neighbourhood detective, chaos facilitator, part-time sofa ornament, was already having A Day.

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2026/01/06/r...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyForensics #ShortStory

The rebellious sidewalk chalk Ruby was not just any cat.She was the cat.Ruby the Great. Ruby the Fluffy. Ruby the Sleek Shadow of Mild Chaos.And not that she liked to brag, except she absolutely did the neighbourhood’s premier …

The rebellious sidewalk chalk

Ruby was not just any cat.
She was the cat.
Ruby the Great. Ruby the Fluffy. Ruby the Sleek Shadow of Mild Chaos.

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2025/12/30/t...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory

A Christmas tail of mischief Ruby, the neighbourhood’s self-appointed pet detective, awoke on the first of December the way most cats greet the dawn: by falling off the windowsill because she had been dreaming about chasing a …

A Christmas tail of mischief

She hit the carpet with an indignant “MrrRAOW!” which, loosely translated, meant, “I absolutely meant to do that, peasants.”

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2025/12/25/a...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory

The river of Vrrrroom Ruby, a cat with the investigative instincts of Sherlock Holmes and the patience of an overtired toddler, was having a morning. And not in the spiritual sense, with herbal tea and journaling.No. Ru…

The river of Vrrrroom

Ruby, a cat with the investigative instincts of Sherlock Holmes and the patience of an overtired toddler, was having a morning.

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2025/12/20/t...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory

Ruby rrrrr-ports for duty… Ruby was not just any cat. She was THE cat, capital letters, underlined twice, possibly with glitter. The neighbourhood knew her as Ruby the Pet Detective, a title she bestowed upon herself shortly…

Ruby rrrrr-ports for duty…

Ruby was not just any cat. She was THE cat, capital letters, underlined twice, possibly with glitter.

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2025/12/15/r...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory

Soggy squirrels Ruby, full-time cat, part-time diva, and accidental neighbourhood detective, was deep in her afternoon nap when the call came in. And by “call,” we mean Mr. Pepper, the parrot next door, screaming …

Soggy squirrels

Ruby, full-time cat, part-time diva, and accidental neighbourhood detective, was deep in her afternoon nap when the call came in.

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2025/12/10/s...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory

Criminally chaotic doorknobs If there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s this: I, Ruby Whiskerford, am the undisputed Pet Detective of Maple Lane.Not self-appointed. Actually appointed. By whom? Myself, of course. But …

Criminally chaotic doorknobs

If there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s this: I, Ruby Whiskerford, am the undisputed Pet Detective of Maple Lane.

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2025/12/04/c...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory

2025 TOUR MEMORY: A little light reading backstage in Appleton, WI 🤓 We’re back in Appleton at Gibson Music Hall on 4/25!

Sending love, thanks, & cat crimes to Appleton friend Patricia Teague for 40 miles ❤️ sirsy.com/ustour25

#sirsy #sirsyband #sirsysponsor #catcrimes #thankful #appletonwi

Was given the opportunity to live react to my own assault.
#Catcrimes

The case of the disco fireflies Ruby, the neighbourhood’s only feline private detective, perched dramatically on top of the fence post, her tail flicking like a metronome set to “mysterious suspense.” The moon was full, the air s…

The case of the disco fireflies

Ruby, the neighbourhood’s only feline private detective, perched dramatically on top of the fence post, her tail flicking like a metronome set to “mysterious suspense.”

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2025/11/28/t...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #ShortStory

#Caturday #science #catcrimes

Coming home to my cat... It's always something. The guilty little look at the end like "I don't know how that happened" 😂
#catsofbluesky #catparent #voidtheboi #blackcat #catcrimes

Ruby and the topiary of doom I, Ruby, am a cat. But not just any cat. I am the neighbourhood’s premier, occasionally terrifying, frequently fabulous pet detective. My cases are usually straightforward: missing sardines, suspic…

Ruby and the topiary of doom

I, Ruby, am a cat. But not just any cat. I am the neighbourhood’s premier, occasionally terrifying, frequently fabulous pet detective.

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2025/11/06/r...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory

Ruby and the scent-sational bird bath caper Ruby, the sleek, velvet-pawed neighbourhood detective, had a nose for trouble. And by “nose,” I mean literally, her nostrils were the size of small teaspoons and could detect tuna-flavoured crisps …

Ruby and the scent-sational bird bath caper

Ruby, the sleek, velvet-pawed neighbourhood detective, had a nose for trouble.

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2025/11/03/r...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory

The great fractal caper It was a dark and stormy night. By which I mean, of course, that my human, Mrs. Blenkinsop, had left the bathroom light on again and I was glaring at it like a true connoisseur of shadow and menace…

The great fractal caper

The outdoor lights, those little things that normally projected tasteful patterns of flowers and butterflies onto lawns, had gone rogue.

rubyforensic.wordpress.com/2025/10/30/t...
#CatCrimes #PetDetectiveRuby #RubyTheCat #RubyForensics #ThanosKalamidas #ShortStory