"Can a frog jump higher than a house? Of course, a house can't jump." #DadJoke #PunDay #FridayFunnyQuote

"How do you make Budweiser? Send him to school." #DadJoke #PunDay #FridayFunnyQuote

"What do you call a dog who meditates? Aware wolf." -- #DadJoke #PunDay #FridayFunnyQuote

"As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it." -- Buddy Hackett #FridayFunnyQuote

"Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us." - Stephen Colbert #FridayFunnyQuote

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her." -- W. C. Fields #FridayFunnyQuote

"Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die." - Bill Murray #FridayFunnyQuote

"I got a new pen that can write under water. It can write other words too." -- #DadJoke #PunDay #FridayFunnyQuote

"How did I know my wife thought I was invading her privacy? She wrote about it in her diary." #FridayFunnyQuote

"When I am grown to man's estate I shall be very proud and great, and tell the other girls and boys not to meddle with my toys." -– Robert Louis Stevenson #FridayFunnyQuote

"My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward." #DadJoke #PunDay #FridayFunnyQuote

Why is a physics book always unhappy? Because it always has lots of problems. #DadJoke #PunDay #FridayFunnyQuote

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it." -- Yogi Berra #FridayFunnyQuote

"Truth is, I wouldn't know a gigabyte from a snakebite." -- Dolly Parton #FridayFunnyQuote

Who won the neck decorating contest? It was a tie. #DadJoke #PunDay #FridayFunnyQuote

"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana." -- attributed to Groucho Marx #FridayFunnyQuote

"Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward." -- George Carlin #FridayFunnyQuote

"I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx." #DadJoke #PunDay #FridayFunnyQuote

"I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me." -- Matt Groening #FridayFunnyQuote

"That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it." #FridayFunnyQuote #GoBills #3andOH

"What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk? An udder failure." -- #DadJoke #PunDay #FridayFunnyQuote

"Why did the egg have a day off? Because it was Fryday." -- #DadJoke #PunDay #FridayFunnyQuote

"I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to be a winner. Sadly, no pun in ten did." #DadJoke #PunDay #FridayFunnyQuote 😜😂

"My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine." -- Caroline Rhea #FridayFunnyQuote 😂

"Why did the electric car feel discriminated against? Because the rules weren't current." #DadJoke #PunDay #FridayFunnyQuote

"How do koala bears stop a TV show? They hit the paws button." #DadJoke #PunDay #FridayFunnyQuote

"Where do rainbows go when they've been bad? To prism, so they have time to reflect on what they've done." #DadJoke #PunDay #FridayFunnyQuote

"I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later." -- Mitch Hedberg #FridayFunnyQuote

"Well, I was never in luck's way long." -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle #FridayThe13th #FridayFunnyQuote

"I understand that you little guys start out with your woobies and you think they're great... and they are, they are terrific. But pretty soon, a woobie isn't enough. You're out on the street trying to score an electric blanket, or maybe a quilt." -- Jack Butler / Mr. Mom #FridayFunnyQuote