Dud you hear about the French man whise legs hurt all the time ?

Apparently, they were quite painful.

#JokeSaturday

A few Christmases ago, my parents adopted a stray dog. Its fur was matted and infested. My dad got riddled with bugs. Now, every Christmas, we mock him by singing "Fleas on me dad. There's fleas on me dad."
#JokeSaturday

I'm starring in my first one-woman play called The Chest Freezer. The play starts with me climbing out and delivering my first lines. Unfortunately, I froze. #JokeSaturday

I used to be a bus driver. I had to quit because I was fed up with people talking behind my back. #JokeSaturday

People thought Bruce Lee was fast, but you should have seen his brother, sudden. #JokeSaturday

The hardest surface that I've ever played football on was made of concrete, gravel, broken bricks, and cement. At least we won 3-2 on aggregate. #JokeSaturday

I couldn’t afford a DNA check online, so I started a rumour I had won the lottery. I found all my relatives in record time. #JokeSaturday

My ex-girlfriend was the voice of the Speaking Clock. After we parted, she wouldn't even give me the time of day. #JokeSaturday

Batman: I'm just nipping to the bathroom.

Robin: What's a Hroom ?
#JokeSaturday

When I was at school, I was in this band called The Farmers. We were pretty good in our hay day. #JokeSaturday

Just wearing one glove today. The weather forecast says it's going to be cold, but on the other hand, it may be warm. #JokeSaturday

Smaller babies may be delivered by Stork, but the heavier ones need a Crane. #JokeSaturday

I have just failed my ventriloquist exams. I can't say I'm surprised. #JokeSaturday

I bought an authentic Vincent Van Gogh coffee table. I know it's an original because it has a bit of veneer missing. #JokeSaturday

I've just opened my fridge, and all I can smell is Basil.
It must be faulty.
#JokeSaturday

I won a competition and got a year's supply of Hovis. My other half hates it when I remind them who's the main breadwinner in the house. #JokeSaturday

I just said "No comment "all the way through my police interview. I didn't get the job. #JokeSaturday

Vikings communicated between ships, with a complicated system of tapping.
It was Norse code. #JokeSaturday

I had a great New Yea'rs celebration party with Rapunzel. She certainly knows how to let her hair down. #JokeSaturday #NewYearJoke

I just opened a Christmas card, and a Yorkshire pudding fell out.

It was from my Aunt Bessie. #JokeSaturday #ChristmasJoke

Just finished eating my clock today.
That was time-consuming. #JokeSaturday

Finally, my plumbing business is getting really busy. It's all cisterns go. #JokeSaturday

Just heard that the new spinal surgeon at the local hospital has just completed 2 operations back to back. #JokeSaturday

Taking part in a charity forklift event.
We're hoping to raise loads. #JokeSaturday