Earlier when I was in the park, I gave one of my quick breads to a couple of pigeons. I had a little chuckle to myself because I filled two birds with one scone.
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What do you call Iron Man without his suit ?
Stark naked.
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A king and a queen walking to a bar. The barman says, " I can't serve you. You're not twenty one." #JokeWednesday
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Do you know why dark is spelled with a K and not a C ?
It's because you can't C in the dark. #JokeWednesday
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Not a lot of people know this but the singer Bill Withers had a brother called Bear, who wrote telephone hold music.
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German government are advising that everyone should start stocking up on cheese and sausages. It's the event of a Wurst Käse Scenario. #JokeWednesday
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Clara and her two boys, Jules and Verne, had been asking to go to Greece on holiday all year. Their dad, Doc Brown, told them, "I've booked us a 2 week holiday to the island of Cos. Because where we're going, we don't need Rhodes." #JokeWednesday
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Cars these days have too many gadgets.
I tried to reverse, and it played a video of somebody getting run over by a car. #JokeWednesday
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14 hours in A&E after getting covered in camouflage paint and I still haven’t been seen. #JokeWednesday
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I was contemplating booking myself in to one of them rural retreats 'to find myself', but then I passed a mirror and said to myself, "Ah, there I am!" #JokeWednesday
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Just bought a coffee coloured pair of shorts. I think they might be Cappuccinos. #JokeWednesday
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Why did the Mexican try to throw his wife off the roof? Tequila. #JokeWednesday
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My school was sponsored by IKEA.
Assembly wasn’t easy.
#JokeWednesday
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Put all my dogging gear up for sale on eBay.Haven’t had any bids yet, but there are 12 people watching 👀 #JokeWednesday
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A Lion Tamer tried walking away from his job, but his pride wouldn't let him. #JokeWednesday
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Ms Spancme Hardyr is retiring from the BDSM business. So, we had a whip round for her. #JokeWednesday
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Two monocles got together and made a spectacle of themselves. #JokeWednesday
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Police have just found an abandoned car, with an incomplete set of golf clubs in the boot. They are still looking for the driver.
#JokeWednesday
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Met this arrogant balloon seller who wrote a self-evaluation on one of his balloons. He had an inflated opinion of himself. #JokeWednesday
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When George the plumber ended his relationship with his girlfriend Florence, he simply said “It's over, Flo!”
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Had a date with my dentist last night. It went very well, she wants to see me again in 6 months. #JokeWednesday
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My job is testing theatre trapdoors.
It’s just a stage I’m going through. #JokeWednesday
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Got fired from my job as a corned beef slicer.
Kept on making a hash of it. #JokeWednesday
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I've just heard a Spaniard singing,
"Police nabbed me dad."
That's his Christmas ruined, then.
#JokeWednesday #ChristmasJoke
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When I discovered I was holding the taser the wrong way round, I was stunned. #JokeWednesday
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Do you hear that the origamist met his girlfriend during Christmas dinner? She was a cracker. #JokeWednesday #ChristmasJoke
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I can't understand why I lost my job as a taxi driver. I always tried to go that extra mile. #JokeWednesday
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Have you heard of epileptic Father Christmas?
He seizures when you're sleeping.
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