(CAPT. MITCHELL ENTERS FRAME) "Great, here's THAT douchebag again."
#DieHard #MyMomsJokes
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#MyMomsJokes
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"Bye-Bye, Hans!" #DieHard #MyMomsJokes #SPOILERALERT
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"A guy named Argyle did that? Talk about a lucky punch." #DieHard #MyMomsJokes
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POLICE CHIEF: "Holy Christ."
MOM: "Well it is Christmas. Holy Christ is right." #DieHard #MyMomsJokes #TopicalHumor
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Me: "He killed a blonde guy, but not this guy."
Mom: "Those German bastards, they all look alike."
#DieHard #MyMomsJokes #MomYouAreGerman
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"I wasn't expecting that. Those darn news people. Talk about hurting the situation." #DieHard #MyMomsJokes #MomAgainstTheMedia
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"That's a good place to shoot 'em, right in the kneecaps." #DieHard #MyMomsJokes #MyMomsAMonster
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"You can shoot him, Hans. He's just a cokehead. He's kind of a dickweed." #DieHard #MyMomsJokes
#MomHatesCokeheads #MomHatesEllis
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"Don't go in there! You're a black guy, you'll be the next one killed!" My Mom will be opening for Tosh this Spring. #DieHard #MyMomsJokes
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"He kinda shot him in the family jewels, or close to it." #DieHard #MyMomsJokes
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"Where's your partner when you need one?" "Oh. Wow. Yeah, he's dead." #DieHard #MyMomsJokes
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Actually, I'm just going to tweet all of my mom's jokes. Goodbye, nocturnal followers: "That was veddy veddy close." #DieHard #MyMomsJokes
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