From https://twitter.com/paulcoxon/status/819207763469488132 David Frum @davidfrum Nature wants 5 of your 7 children dead. It wants you dead by 50. Everything better than that is brought to you by science & technology Dr Paul Coxon @paulcoxon They also charge £852 for a colour figure.
An #OldTweet by @paulcoxon from 9 years ago.
#SciComm #ScienceJokes #NatureJournal
"Patience is a virtue. I just forgot to put the lid back on the can so it evaporated over time..."
It's something that popped into my mind.
11:03 a.m. · 30 nov. 2019
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What is the soft flesh called that's between a sharks teeth?
A slow swimmer.
8:56 a.m. · 6 mrt. 2018
#oldtweet #dadjoke
A lesser known phrase muttered by Julius Ceasar in the year 47 BC before the short war against Pharnaces II of Pontus at the Battle of Zela: "Veni, vidi, cadere...".
"I came, I saw, I fell on my face."
#roman #humor #latin #JuliusCeasar
10:02 p.m. · 9 mrt. 2018
#oldtweet #dadjoke
"Don't you dare lye to me!" "I'm not! It clearly says here "All your base belong to us"! See?" #chemistry #pun
10:46 p.m. · 28 mei 2018
#oldtweet #dadjoke
Give me a problem and I'll give you a solution. It probably won't be the one solution you were looking for nor will it be the easiest one. It probably won't even be practical. Sorry. #thoughts #autism
9:38 a.m. · 3 jun. 2018
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"Bei Risiken und Nebenwirkungen essen Sie die Packungsbeilage oder tragen Sie ihren Arzt zum Apotheker." Hätte ich schon mal bei einen Internet Radio Sendung gehört...
7:41 p.m. · 8 may 2018
#oldtweet #Furry8000
Some people shouldn't be allowed to breed anymore. If you're wasting my time by telling me that you have a baby in the car that needs to eat while I'm trying to open the gate to let you and everybody else out, you're not brainiac material! #rant
6:39 p.m. · 21 may 2018
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Normies on the left side
Fursuiters on the right
Here I am
Stuck in the middle with you
#AlternativeSonglyrics #furries
11:16 a.m. · 21 jul. 2018
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In high school in Garland, #texas in 1999, I was late for class three times and got sent to the principal's office for a paddling. It was so uncalled for and gross. It did nothing but embarrass me. I am still tardy all the time!
#oldtweet from 8/26/22 (OG link was a paywall @washingtonpost.com)
Here's a gem from pandemic times:
"This grapefruit tastes like weed. Why?"
- #oldtweet from September 5, 2020.
I'm in an episode of this on @primevideo.bsky.social. The one with the goat. Do I mean the G.O.A.T? No. I mean A #goat
- #oldtweet from October 21, 2020
January 24, 2021
I planted a cherry and pomegranate tree in the yard. 🍒 Then immediately sprained my ankle. 🦶 #sundayvibes #shittygardener
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An update on this 4 year #oldtweet : The cherry tree has yet to produce shit, but the pomegranite yields like 4 or 5 pommies. Success!
August 8, 2021
"Kudos to NBC Olympics for making profiles that tug on my dark black heartstrings every goddamn time. 😢🖤"
I'm such a sucker for the Olympics and the John Williams score
#oldtweet
#JoeBurrow is jock Culkin
- Me, February 13, 2022
#oldtweet
I stick my head around the corner, my girlfriend notices me and says
"Your head snakes around the corner, what do you want?"
"Hisssssssssssssss"
*snort*
#goodmorning #humor
6:42 a.m. · 28 feb. 2019
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Cleaning the cutlery drawer in the kitchen be like: "I was wondering where that was!" to "What the fuck is that?" to "I don't even want to know what that has been..."
#cleaning #cutlery #clutter
7:43 p.m. · 28 jan. 2020
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Zit je 's morgens rustig aan de koffie, krijg je, waar iedereen bij is, een vast contract in je handen gedrukt!
5:49 p.m. · 6 jul. 2021
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I don't want to generalize newbies, but when someone is in the middle of a role play and you poke them with questions like "Hi, how are you?" and "Where are you from?" they deserve a special place in hell... #SecondLife #Rude
11:48 p.m. · 1 sep. 2018
#oldtweet
"Home grown terrorist radicalized by old man in cave destroys government installation."
This could be a real headline, but it's not. It's the plot of Star Wars.
#StarWars
7:57 p.m. · 9 nov. 2018
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Als je bij La Place Bloemheuvel Veenendaal komt dan kan ik de perenbollen aanraden! Die zijn echt super lekker! Het restaurant zit aan de A12.
#LaPlace #Bloemheuvel #Veenendaal
4:08 p.m. · 11 nov. 2018
#oldtweet
Funny when you find out someone in the fandom blocked you while you were only mentioned in side chat about ONCE.
Furry fandom, you're not as accepting as I remember you...
12:18 a.m. · 9 mrt. 2019
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Telling my girlfriend everybody is stashing on toilet paper and her reply is "Well if people stop going to Mickey D's they wouldn't need toilet paper so much."
I've got nothing to add to that.
#coronavirus #toiletpaper
6:57 p.m. · 18 mrt. 2020
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Sociale isolatie.
Ophokplicht voor klapvee.
Niet eentje van #Loesje, maar van mezelf.
#COVID2019
1:29 p.m. · 26 mrt. 2020
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GF: "I gotta bring you a noife."
Me: "I got a noife!"
GF: "You call that a noife?"
I miss Crocodile Dundee.
2:32 p.m. · 23 apr. 2020
#CrocodileDundee #oldtweet
Me: "That's a wrap."
GF: "Motherf*cker motherf*cker motherf*cker."
Me: "Huh?"
GF: "Rap?"
Me: "No, wrap. Wrap as in: legs wrapped around me."
GF: "Oh."
#mishearing #wrap
3:28 p.m. · 7 jun. 2020
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2020. Van de hashtag "Ik doe niet meer mee" naar de hashtag "Ik lig in doodsnood op de IC".
Zo snel kan het gaan.
Ik hou me wel aan de regels, m'n gezondheid rammelt me al teveel.
6:25 p.m. · 31 dec. 2020
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"Als je nog niet dood ging op het toilet, dan nu wel!"
"Hoezo, heeft er een collega dan...?"
"Nee, ik heb de luchtverfrissers vervangen."
#chemisch #DieLucht
5:35 p.m. · 22 jan. 2020
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Je weet pas zeker dat het daar écht stinkt als je een collega ademlucht ziet omhangen op het moment dat hij naar het toilet moet.
#brandweerhumor
6:47 p.m. · 23 jan. 2020
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