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The Sound of Bubbles

Hello dankness, my old friend
I've come to smoke with you again
Because the weed is softly creeping
Left no seeds in the weed while I was sleeping
And the vision that my bong planted in my brain still remains
Within the sound of bubbles

In restless dreams, I baked alone
Narrow streets… no one was stoned
'Neath the halo of my BIC lighter
I turned my collar to make the flame burn higher
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a police light that split the night
And silenced the sound of bubbles

And in the police light I saw
Ten thousand stoners, maybe, more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing poems that stoners never shared because no one dared
Disturb the sound of bubbles.

"Fools," said I, "You do not know
Pot helps the cancer not to grow
Take a hit that I might teach you
Take my bong that I might reach you
But my words, like silent teardrops, fell
Coughs echoed all the way to hell 

And the people hit and coughed
Though no marijuana they had bought.
And the police car flashed out its warning
In the words that they were forming
And the sign said, "The words of the stoners are written on the dispensary walls…the coughing falls
And whispered in the sound of bubbles
-Jeff

The Sound of Bubbles Hello dankness, my old friend I've come to smoke with you again Because the weed is softly creeping Left no seeds in the weed while I was sleeping And the vision that my bong planted in my brain still remains Within the sound of bubbles In restless dreams, I baked alone Narrow streets… no one was stoned 'Neath the halo of my BIC lighter I turned my collar to make the flame burn higher When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a police light that split the night And silenced the sound of bubbles And in the police light I saw Ten thousand stoners, maybe, more People talking without speaking People hearing without listening People writing poems that stoners never shared because no one dared Disturb the sound of bubbles. "Fools," said I, "You do not know Pot helps the cancer not to grow Take a hit that I might teach you Take my bong that I might reach you But my words, like silent teardrops, fell Coughs echoed all the way to hell And the people hit and coughed Though no marijuana they had bought. And the police car flashed out its warning In the words that they were forming And the sign said, "The words of the stoners are written on the dispensary walls…the coughing falls And whispered in the sound of bubbles -Jeff

Where da wake and bakers at?
A song for you to sing whilst you bake.

The Sound of Bubbles
#Comedy #WritingCommunity
#PoemsThatLeaveAStain

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It was half written so I had to...
Let’s Go Watch Jeff Fly High
#Parody #Comedy #WritingCommunity
#PoemsThatLeaveAStain

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God is a Dog
(or… why God backwards should have tipped you off)

The purest most loving animal is any dog except a chihuahua…
They love you unconditionally, even if you are a dick.
Forever faithful and they’d lay their lives down for us.
Truly they are angels that walk amongst us… except the little hell beasts.
They are fallen angels… and total demons at the very best.

Who else on earth could be an angel? 
Cats?!?! Pshaw… cats own you, don’t get it twisted.
I’ve rarely met a dog I didn’t love, except, well… see above about those little bastards.
They’re better than us, more than we deserve, 
and that should have been our first two clues.

God is a dog and he made our dogs angels in his image.
Dog backward is God and so they haven’t really been hiding it well.
But I need you to ask yourself, now that you know that dogs are angels…
How are you treating your dog? 
That may become very important considering 
all the nasty shit you do in front of them.
-Jeff

God is a Dog (or… why God backwards should have tipped you off) The purest most loving animal is any dog except a chihuahua… They love you unconditionally, even if you are a dick. Forever faithful and they’d lay their lives down for us. Truly they are angels that walk amongst us… except the little hell beasts. They are fallen angels… and total demons at the very best. Who else on earth could be an angel? Cats?!?! Pshaw… cats own you, don’t get it twisted. I’ve rarely met a dog I didn’t love, except, well… see above about those little bastards. They’re better than us, more than we deserve, and that should have been our first two clues. God is a dog and he made our dogs angels in his image. Dog backward is God and so they haven’t really been hiding it well. But I need you to ask yourself, now that you know that dogs are angels… How are you treating your dog? That may become very important considering all the nasty shit you do in front of them. -Jeff

God is a Dog
#Comedy #Poetry #WritingCommunity
#PoemsThatLeaveAStain

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Unhinged Yelp Reviews- 1250BC

My name is Marcus Nonoriginalus and I was 
a Greek soldier who fought in the Trojan War.
Yes, we did win the war, and yes it was because of 
the beautiful horse, but let me tell you, it
was a fucking horror show to be locked inside of. 

There were XL of us trapped in that god forsaken
horse for an entire day and half the night.
These were Greek warriors! 
They stunk to high Mount Olympus!
AIR HOLES!! VENTILATION!
A total miss by the carpenters!

Did no one think of Zues damned bathroom facilities?
Do you know how it stunk in there as the urine and shit
pooled into one corner?!?
These warriors carbo loaded right before climbing in!!
Shake my damn kefáli!

Final outcome: V Stars
Comfort of use: 0 Stars
Overall rating: II stars
-Jeff

Unhinged Yelp Reviews- 1250BC My name is Marcus Nonoriginalus and I was a Greek soldier who fought in the Trojan War. Yes, we did win the war, and yes it was because of the beautiful horse, but let me tell you, it was a fucking horror show to be locked inside of. There were XL of us trapped in that god forsaken horse for an entire day and half the night. These were Greek warriors! They stunk to high Mount Olympus! AIR HOLES!! VENTILATION! A total miss by the carpenters! Did no one think of Zues damned bathroom facilities? Do you know how it stunk in there as the urine and shit pooled into one corner?!? These warriors carbo loaded right before climbing in!! Shake my damn kefáli! Final outcome: V Stars Comfort of use: 0 Stars Overall rating: II stars -Jeff

Unhinged Yelp Reviews- 1250BC
#Comedy #WritingCommunity #Poetry
#PoemsThatLeaveAStain

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Post image

“Unhinged Yelp Reviews — Donner Party Edition.
Dog-eat-dog world? More like cousin-eat-cousin.
Bon appétit. 🍽️🩸
#DarkHumor #Absurd #WeirdHistory #PoetrySky #FlashFiction #CannibalismJokes #Satire #ComedyWriting #WritersOfBluesky #AltLit #AmericanHistory #MacabreHumor #PoemsThatLeaveAStain #LetsPlay

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America’s Most Wanted: Forrest Edition.
(Pilot Episode: The Fairy Godmother)

Estelle Beula the Fairy was assigned to godmotherhood.
Some would argue she did the job miserably wrong, 
especially in the case of one Queen Cinderella.
Who actually brought the Godmother up on charges soon after she ascended the throne.
Estelle was sentenced to five years in hard fairy labor, being farmed for her dust.
She served every minute, the Queen ensured it, before releasing her on probation.
 
Scorned, by all but the worst fairies and imps, she fell on hard times.
She started selling fairy dust on the black market.
Dust was now the only life she knew.
This soon grew into a small illicit empire, all while still on probation.

You see, Cinderella became a fairy dust addict as soon as she was royal.
That chick loved to fly around the spires of the castle.
The castle supply dwindled to nothing when Estelle was released.
Soon enough the queen approached the former Godmother’s business, 
unknowing that it was owned and a crime front for her former Fairy Godmother.

Long story short, the queen went looking for a dust fix.
A “Bad Batch” of dust was “erroneously” given to the queen,
who died a horrid death when she plummeted from 200 feet high.

Since that day, Estelle Beula has never been seen again.
If you have any tips on where this allegedly murderous Godmother 
can be found, we urge you to call our tip line…1-800-FRSTCRM
Do not approach the subject though, as she’s assumed to be 
dusted and dangerous.
-Jeff

America’s Most Wanted: Forrest Edition. (Pilot Episode: The Fairy Godmother) Estelle Beula the Fairy was assigned to godmotherhood. Some would argue she did the job miserably wrong, especially in the case of one Queen Cinderella. Who actually brought the Godmother up on charges soon after she ascended the throne. Estelle was sentenced to five years in hard fairy labor, being farmed for her dust. She served every minute, the Queen ensured it, before releasing her on probation. Scorned, by all but the worst fairies and imps, she fell on hard times. She started selling fairy dust on the black market. Dust was now the only life she knew. This soon grew into a small illicit empire, all while still on probation. You see, Cinderella became a fairy dust addict as soon as she was royal. That chick loved to fly around the spires of the castle. The castle supply dwindled to nothing when Estelle was released. Soon enough the queen approached the former Godmother’s business, unknowing that it was owned and a crime front for her former Fairy Godmother. Long story short, the queen went looking for a dust fix. A “Bad Batch” of dust was “erroneously” given to the queen, who died a horrid death when she plummeted from 200 feet high. Since that day, Estelle Beula has never been seen again. If you have any tips on where this allegedly murderous Godmother can be found, we urge you to call our tip line…1-800-FRSTCRM Do not approach the subject though, as she’s assumed to be dusted and dangerous. -Jeff

America’s Most Wanted: Forrest Edition — The Fairy Godmother
Turns out Cinderella wasn’t the only one dusted…
and fairy crime is WAY more organized than you think.

#FairyTaleRemix #FantasyHumor #CrimeParody
#DarkComedy #Absurd #ComedyWriting
#BskyPoets #WritersOfBluesky
#PoemsThatLeaveAStain

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The Tooth Fairy strike of ’26.

It’s only two weeks past Valentine’s Day, 
the cherubs, and poor cupid, have been brutally battered.
The Easter Bunnies kind of got their own shit going on now…
Besides, scabbing was never their style.
The elves are a mess,
and even Uncle Sam got his ass kicked.
The Leprechauns have returned to Ireland and may never return.
You don’t scab and pick up teeth while the Tooth “Fairies” are on strike.
Oh, the Tooth Fairies have had advanced marketing and Publicist’s working 
for them since the dark ages. 
Besides, giving money for teeth is pretty fucking popular during the famines.
The big detail the Tooth Fairies fail to tell you is the word “Fairies” is doing extreme lifting.
They started out as “imps”, little devils, again “little” is doing some heavy lifting here too.
Put it all together and what do you get? No! Not Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo!
You can get that shit right out of your mind right now!
Nothing to Bibbidi Bop about here! Shake my head! 
Tooth Demons, if you really want to be biblically accurate, eat the teeth so they can grow yet another one of a million teeth armoring their bodies and faces.
They’re quite horrifical and nothing to be tangled with on a picket line, I assure you.
Although quite invisible to humans, the rest of the fairy folk see them now and run like hell.
The Tooth Fairies are back so turn those molars into cold hard cash… dentures ain’t cheap. 
I don’t think the Universe will be fucking up that contract again soon. 
-Jeff

The Tooth Fairy strike of ’26. It’s only two weeks past Valentine’s Day, the cherubs, and poor cupid, have been brutally battered. The Easter Bunnies kind of got their own shit going on now… Besides, scabbing was never their style. The elves are a mess, and even Uncle Sam got his ass kicked. The Leprechauns have returned to Ireland and may never return. You don’t scab and pick up teeth while the Tooth “Fairies” are on strike. Oh, the Tooth Fairies have had advanced marketing and Publicist’s working for them since the dark ages. Besides, giving money for teeth is pretty fucking popular during the famines. The big detail the Tooth Fairies fail to tell you is the word “Fairies” is doing extreme lifting. They started out as “imps”, little devils, again “little” is doing some heavy lifting here too. Put it all together and what do you get? No! Not Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo! You can get that shit right out of your mind right now! Nothing to Bibbidi Bop about here! Shake my head! Tooth Demons, if you really want to be biblically accurate, eat the teeth so they can grow yet another one of a million teeth armoring their bodies and faces. They’re quite horrifical and nothing to be tangled with on a picket line, I assure you. Although quite invisible to humans, the rest of the fairy folk see them now and run like hell. The Tooth Fairies are back so turn those molars into cold hard cash… dentures ain’t cheap. I don’t think the Universe will be fucking up that contract again soon. -Jeff

Breaking: The Tooth Fairies’ union walked off the job in ’26.
Turns out dental insurance is the REAL villain.
#Absurd #PoetrySky #PoemsThatLeaveAStain

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The Tortoise and the Hare

We all know the tortoise won that day but there is history here I have to explain.
The rivalry ran for decades for sure, this race was for clout, a national acclaim.
They competed on Turtle-Tok and Bunny Boards, one would be king of that be assured. 
The tortoise lined the course with all rabbit whores.
They didn’t come cheap… some from foreign shores.
But the rabbit was weak… he should have endured. 
Instead, he whored like most the call-girl rabbits adored.
Tortoise slept lots while rabbit slept little.
The tortoise felt fine and was fit as a fiddle.
Rabbit’s penis was on fire, protection not used,
if you breed like this rabbit, you’d want penicillin issued.
Scratchety scratch, rabbit crawled toward the finish, 
a husk of a rabbit totally diminished. 
The tortoise won easily because the rabbit raced sleazily. 
Though with his Chinese secret technology he could have more readily!
-Jeff

The Tortoise and the Hare We all know the tortoise won that day but there is history here I have to explain. The rivalry ran for decades for sure, this race was for clout, a national acclaim. They competed on Turtle-Tok and Bunny Boards, one would be king of that be assured. The tortoise lined the course with all rabbit whores. They didn’t come cheap… some from foreign shores. But the rabbit was weak… he should have endured. Instead, he whored like most the call-girl rabbits adored. Tortoise slept lots while rabbit slept little. The tortoise felt fine and was fit as a fiddle. Rabbit’s penis was on fire, protection not used, if you breed like this rabbit, you’d want penicillin issued. Scratchety scratch, rabbit crawled toward the finish, a husk of a rabbit totally diminished. The tortoise won easily because the rabbit raced sleazily. Though with his Chinese secret technology he could have more readily! -Jeff

The Tortoise and the Hare
#Absurd #PoetrySky
#PoemsThatLeaveAStain

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One mother fucking angry penguin, mouth open, showing rows of razor sharp teeth. It looks like a giant penguin about to devour a research station.

And the poem...

Penguins The Real Story
(The shit NO ONE will tell you)

Historically Penguins have been as large as 350 pounds
while others were six foot eight. 
You all think that the little things are cute.
I assure you they are monsters from a bygone era waiting 
for climate change to rise again!
The huge penguins of history were of a much warmer climate.
If we warm those fuckers up again, we’re in trouble!
Like humungous tuxedo wearing monsters.
Have the seen the inside of a penguin’s mouth?
You have now.
Now image those rows of razor-sharp teeth on a 350 lb. bird…
then imagine that giant mouth with those teeth, waddling right at you.
If that ever happened, you best run!
Now let’s get into the nitty gritty.
Global warming was designed solely to create these monsters again.
The billionaires and the oil companies plan on attacking the proletariat 
with these behemoths. 
And THIS is why we need to switch to renewable resources.
Thank you for attending my Jeff Talk.
-Jeff

One mother fucking angry penguin, mouth open, showing rows of razor sharp teeth. It looks like a giant penguin about to devour a research station. And the poem... Penguins The Real Story (The shit NO ONE will tell you) Historically Penguins have been as large as 350 pounds while others were six foot eight. You all think that the little things are cute. I assure you they are monsters from a bygone era waiting for climate change to rise again! The huge penguins of history were of a much warmer climate. If we warm those fuckers up again, we’re in trouble! Like humungous tuxedo wearing monsters. Have the seen the inside of a penguin’s mouth? You have now. Now image those rows of razor-sharp teeth on a 350 lb. bird… then imagine that giant mouth with those teeth, waddling right at you. If that ever happened, you best run! Now let’s get into the nitty gritty. Global warming was designed solely to create these monsters again. The billionaires and the oil companies plan on attacking the proletariat with these behemoths. And THIS is why we need to switch to renewable resources. Thank you for attending my Jeff Talk. -Jeff

Penguins The Real Story
(The shit NO ONE will tell you)
#Absurd #PoetrySky
#PoemsThatLeaveAStain

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Why Flat Earth!!

You all laugh at the flat earthers… me too in fact.
But not the way you do… 
Yes! We have all seen from space that world is round. 
That’s true! 
But you only see one side of a ball??!?
Hmm, questionable.
Satellite pictures certainly don’t look 3D!
So flat Earther are just as wrong as the rest of you.
For the world is indeed flat!
BUT! It is not one sided…
What about night and day?!?
I have to think of everything!
To believe the Earth is one sided or even or heavens forbid…  a “sphere”, is so far removed 
from reason, the laws of the universe, or having any serious thoughts… to the point
that these people should have their crayons taken away… permanently! 
The key fact they miss… the world is conveyer belt shaped.
We all don’t fall off on the down/dark side because Gravity!  
Furthermore, the space tortoise, whom they never take pictures of,
and it pisses him off because he works so hard for us!
Does in fact have the world floating on his feet and not on his shell, as the fools believe.
What none of you seem to be figuring out is that he’s on a treadmill!
What do you think powers the conveyor belt?
Now you know Why Flat Earth!
Thank you for attending my Jeff Talk!
-Jeff

Why Flat Earth!! You all laugh at the flat earthers… me too in fact. But not the way you do… Yes! We have all seen from space that world is round. That’s true! But you only see one side of a ball??!? Hmm, questionable. Satellite pictures certainly don’t look 3D! So flat Earther are just as wrong as the rest of you. For the world is indeed flat! BUT! It is not one sided… What about night and day?!? I have to think of everything! To believe the Earth is one sided or even or heavens forbid… a “sphere”, is so far removed from reason, the laws of the universe, or having any serious thoughts… to the point that these people should have their crayons taken away… permanently! The key fact they miss… the world is conveyer belt shaped. We all don’t fall off on the down/dark side because Gravity! Furthermore, the space tortoise, whom they never take pictures of, and it pisses him off because he works so hard for us! Does in fact have the world floating on his feet and not on his shell, as the fools believe. What none of you seem to be figuring out is that he’s on a treadmill! What do you think powers the conveyor belt? Now you know Why Flat Earth! Thank you for attending my Jeff Talk! -Jeff

Y'all need to lighten up, just a squinch...
Why Flat Earth!!
#Absurdity #PoetrySky
#PoemsThatLeaveAStain

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